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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect nursery to wipe sons bottom

96 replies

Beautifulmonster87 · 28/04/2022 18:32

He’s 3.5 and definitely still needs help wiping his bottom! I watched him do it at home and it’s a wipe with a tissue and that’s it and he still has poo on his bum and his hands! Surely at 3.5 they should help him…

OP posts:
TheGlitterati · 28/04/2022 19:02

Sometimes children go off the toilet independently and the staff don’t know they’ve had a poo.

Original poster
Beautifulmonster87 · 28/04/2022 19:03

Hellocatshome · 28/04/2022 18:59

Thanks so much for the input I think we will just encourage it at home I just thought it was too early! My nephew is 8 and asks his mum still!!

So you haven't actually taught him how to do it by himself?! No wonder he is struggling, nursery will have expected a potty trained child to be learning about wiping and had washing at home.

No I haven’t yet as I didn’t think he was old enough! I will from now on. As you can see my nephew is the only child I know in my family and given his mum wipes his bum I wasn’t sure an appropriate age (although knew that was too old!!)

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 28/04/2022 19:07

At three and a half he's very much preschool age, and the expectation is that they will take themselves off independently to the toilet and that a staff member will not be automatically in the toilets.

Part of toilet training is teaching the child to properly wipe themselves. So if you've total nursery that he's toilet trained then they would expect him to be able to wipe himself.

At school they won't have someone supervising toilets.

Not much shocks me but am eight year old, unless some extra needs or medical condition, getting someone else to wipe them certainly does.

Sally872 · 28/04/2022 19:08

He is old enough as soon as potty training you should always be allowing him to wipe himself and teaching him to check it is done properly. Won't be perfect bit he do well enough most if the time.

Once shown a few times I would leave them to it. If pants are dirty I would chat about how to do it and supervise the next day or two.

Dishwashersaurous · 28/04/2022 19:08

3.5 definitely not too early. It's normally taught as an integral part of toilet training

Blossomandbee · 28/04/2022 19:09

At 3.5 he will be going pretty independently at nursery, they won't be standing watching him waiting to help. The best thing is to teach him at home, although I think it's pretty common that they want to dash off once done! Also it will help prepare him for school as teachers won't help with that sort of thing.

Snowiscold · 28/04/2022 19:11

I too think a 3.5-year-old should be going independently and wiping properly himself.

Original poster
Beautifulmonster87 · 28/04/2022 19:13

Thanks for the input. I don’t know why I didn’t know this!! He’s been toilet trained for a while and took to it really well I guess I just assumed he wouldn’t be capable to wipe yet but I’ll show him and let him do it now on.. it would definitely help to not have to assist him every time he goes to the toilet!

OP posts:
ChampagneLassie · 28/04/2022 19:16

RewildingAmbridge · 28/04/2022 18:56

DS is the same age, and whilst I often still check he's done a good job, or give a second wipe it's rare there's anything there. Our nursery don't go with them to the toilet unless they ask for help. He also washes his hands without being reminded (and embarrassingly has on occasion reminded a stranger leaving a public toilet without washing). Ask nursery to remind him but you need to be getting him into the habit consistently, explain what happens with germs etc if he doesn't wash and then puts his hands in his mouth/eats etc.

I love this. What did the chided adult say? Imagine a toddler telling you off for not washing your hands. Don't understand some people

Dishwashersaurous · 28/04/2022 19:17

Sometimes something is really obvious but we all don't realise. They change from tiny babies to larger children so very very quickly.

A few practice sessions at home and then you will no longer have to think about his toileting!

Hallyup89 · 28/04/2022 19:19

They won't be supervising every child to the toilet at that age. It just isn't practical. They should, however, be drilling into the children that they must wash their hands after using the toilet and, with covid, it should have become second nature to the staff to do this.

You've obviously drilled it into him at home too.

It's all about becoming independent. A few skid marks will not hurt him, and he'll develop a necessary skill.

Original poster
Beautifulmonster87 · 28/04/2022 19:19

Dishwashersaurous · 28/04/2022 19:17

Sometimes something is really obvious but we all don't realise. They change from tiny babies to larger children so very very quickly.

A few practice sessions at home and then you will no longer have to think about his toileting!

Also we aren’t always taught everything about being parents we tend to wing it! Clearly my sister hasn’t been a great input with her son!! Glad I came on here!

OP posts:
WTF475878237NC · 28/04/2022 19:21

My nephew physically couldn't reach his bum until age 4 and a half. It isn't just about age

Oysterbabe · 28/04/2022 19:26

Some children start school just after turning 4 and it's definitely expected that they are wiping their own bums!
My 2 were doing it themselves before 4 and I believe that is the norm.

Maryann1975 · 28/04/2022 19:37

As an aside, I’m really surprised there are no hand washing facilities at the forest school. I’ve helped to set up a forest school for our childminding network and it was one of the first things we sorted (really simple, bowl, with a water dispenser and Soap, with a roll of kitchen roll to dry). There’s all kinds of things in the forest that may need washing off hands!

wakeybakey00 · 28/04/2022 19:41

Beautifulmonster87 · 28/04/2022 18:54

Thanks so much for the input I think we will just encourage it at home I just thought it was too early! My nephew is 8 and asks his mum still!!

Good grief

PandemelonFelon · 28/04/2022 19:46

I can't comment on the bum wiping, but are you saying that at Forest School there are zero hand washing facilities??

I would be raising that - what happens when they have a snack / meal?

Hugasauras · 28/04/2022 19:46

I don't know any 3.5yo who is able to properly and thoroughly wipe their bottom after a poo that actually leaves mess behind. DD physically can't even reach to properly wipe yet, even though she tries!

Fortbite · 28/04/2022 19:49

That's awful if nurseries are unaware when a young child goes to the toilet, I actually think that's scarier than them purposefully for whatever reason not helping them wipe. I'd speak to them OP alongside working on the routine at home of toilet, wipe, always wash hands.

Fortbite · 28/04/2022 19:51

Oysterbabe · 28/04/2022 19:26

Some children start school just after turning 4 and it's definitely expected that they are wiping their own bums!
My 2 were doing it themselves before 4 and I believe that is the norm.

Yes I'd say additional needs aside it's pretty normal for at least wiping after wees and having a go after poos before 4.

Original poster
Beautifulmonster87 · 28/04/2022 19:52

PandemelonFelon · 28/04/2022 19:46

I can't comment on the bum wiping, but are you saying that at Forest School there are zero hand washing facilities??

I would be raising that - what happens when they have a snack / meal?

So he says but I haven’t seen the forest school nor asked yet but I will!

OP posts:
mswales · 28/04/2022 19:53

My son's nursery do not wipe bums, he's come home with pooey pants quite a few times. I've been attempting to teach him for a long time (he's 4.5) but he is very opposed to wiping his bum even though he was potty trained before the age of 2...

Fortbite · 28/04/2022 19:53

Ew if there's no hand washing facilities sounds rank, I wouldn't have thought as a setting they'd be able to not have hand washing facilities though?

Jules912 · 28/04/2022 19:57

My DD was tiny and couldn't reach to wipe at 3.5. She was also very independent and insisted on doing it herself, we compromised that she tried and someone checked but some of the nursery staff took her at her wits when she said she didn't need help.
Agree no hand washing facilities is more concerning.

Theyellowflamingo · 28/04/2022 20:02

Fortbite · 28/04/2022 19:49

That's awful if nurseries are unaware when a young child goes to the toilet, I actually think that's scarier than them purposefully for whatever reason not helping them wipe. I'd speak to them OP alongside working on the routine at home of toilet, wipe, always wash hands.

Why is it scary?! The toilets are usually in a partitioned off area of the room - they aren’t letting them wander off into a public toilet! Ratio at age 3 is 1:8, or often 1:13 in a school nursery class with a teacher - you really think staff should individually accompany each child to the toilet each time? They’d never do anything else. I didn’t always know when my child that age used the toilet at home - why would I need to? Yes, they should help a child that needs help but it doesn’t sound like either OP or her son have actually asked for help, so I’m not sure nursery have really done anything wrong. Although the hand washing at forest school is definitely worth asking about, they ought to have a way of doing that.