To expect nursery to wipe sons bottom

[Beautifulmonster87]

He’s 3.5 and definitely still needs help wiping his bottom! I watched him do it at home and it’s a wipe with a tissue and that’s it and he still has poo on his bum and his hands! Surely at 3.5 they should help him…

There's kids that are 4 and start school and they would have to do it themselves at school. It's part of learning... staff probably haven't realise your DS has gone to the loo.

Some kids don't want you actually in the cubicle at that age too... DS didn't and I'm the mother! Children become more aware at that age so I suspect nursery staff stand back for that reason also as well as giving independence.

I assume he meant when he was outside but obviously there are inside! Not sure of the whole forest school set up and how long they’re out there for.

At the nursery in the school I work at or either of the ones my dc went to, the dc go to the toilet independently. The odd one will shout out for a bum wipe and will be talked through it and assisted if necessary, otherwise they just get on with it themselves - probably with varying results but that's something to work on at home.

There's been a huge amount of research in child health and the benefits of hand washing - particularly after using the bathroom and before having food or drink. I would hope all places have a policy on this but I know in the UK it's sadly lacking.

I work in a primary school with this age and we literally aren''t allowed to wipe the bums of the kids. We can hand them tissue and direct and tell them what to do but it's all hands off for staff. I understand though where you are coming from, i have 3 DC who all had me wiping bums till they were 5 and older at home and very much could have done with that help in nursery. It's one of those things that we all go through and learn from I'm afraid. Perhaps you could ask the staff to suggest proper soapy hand washing after he's used the toilet then at least it's not staying on his hands. 99% of the time the kids will announce they are going for a poo so they will be aware it's happening too.

Are you sure no sink in Forest School? We have a portable one we take that’s filled with hot water.

There will be hand washing facilities by any toilet. Their registration will depend on it. That's a very basic requirement. Don't feel too bad about not having taught him yet - dd2 was probably close to 5 (combination of short arms and chubby bum cheeks 😆) however dd1 could do it at just turned 3 (skinny and long limbed).

No I’m not sure I am going by what he told me but I will ask!

Our 3/4 year olds wipe themselves at our nursery, we check after and make them wash their hands after, the 4 year olds will need to know for school.

I work in a preschool room. We stand outside the toilets in the corridor when the children go in, some ask for help and we help them but if they don’t ask we don’t help. However if we then smell poo we do change the child. It’s so hard as some children are so independent and don’t want help whereas other ask for assistance.

This would require one to one supervision and I doubt if many nurseries can provide that.Focus on helping him at home.

Surely you were aware that a teacher won’t be wiping your nephew’s bum at school though? No school child will be putting their hand up and saying ‘miss can I use the toilet? And can you come as well so you can wipe my bum for me?’ By school age they should be prepped and capable of handling their own personal care. Obviously in some cases (sen, a child who is unwell and having a bad tummy etc) it’s different but a child over 4/5 who is still incapable of wiping their bum and washing their hands without getting covered in poo is very unusual. But then they don’t just one day suddenly know how to do it correctly. If you haven’t been teaching him then you can’t be shocked he’s doing it wrong!

Beautifulmonster87 · 28/04/2022 18:41
Yes he has a couple of times :-( He said I do it on my own and sometimes don’t wash my hands! I need a word with them!”

you need a word with him, too. drum it into his head. He must wash his hands, every time. It’s not just down to nursery.

I think most of us are aware you have to wash your hands after the toilet and before eating. It’s not out-there research that people in the UK have never heard. Every childcare setting and school will have a hand washing policy and encourage kids to wash their hands after using the toilet, but if their parents aren’t teaching them any independence at home it’s hard to teach it in the short time you have them at nursery.

My nephew physically couldn't reach his bum until age 4 and a half. It isn't just about age

eh? How can a child not reach their own bum?!

my daughter started school at 4 yrs 1 month so of course was wiping her own bum. I think some poo remaining occasionally is normal for a few years…

I had this issue with DS4 at nursery. He was coming home dirty and itchy and while he can have a go he still needs help. I asked once and then emailed when it kept happening.

@Kanaloa I didn't say it wasn't that people weren't aware, just that it rarely happens in nurseries and schools unlike other countries where its built into the structure of the day, particularly before food and drink.

Hi OP,
I would fully expect a nursery to a. Know when a 3,5 year old has gone to the toilet and b. Whether he or she had successfully wiped their bums and washed their hands. They're a nursery with the #1 priority there of looking after the kids - poops and all!!!

Kids go to school nursery the September past their third birthday here, my DS was one of the older ones with a winter birthday but not entirely toilet reliable. Plus sensory issues with the school toilets and anxiety issues.

I trained him to go to the toilet first thing so I could wipe his bum. Its mostly worked for us.

Probably a compost toilet and no running water for hands

8! That's really late to not use the toilet independently.

How do you know it's lacking in the UK. Please present your evidence.

DS was toilet-trained at 2 years 4 months. I taught him to keep wiping until the paper was clean. My mother thought that it was disgusting that he looked at the paper after he wiped, but I explained that how else was he know he had done it properly? Fast forward about 4 years or so, and a friend of his who was over for a play date shouted, ‘Finished!’ When he went to the toilet. I let him know in no uncertain terms that I definitely was not going to wipe him and he needed to do it himself. I would give him instructions from the other side, but that was it. I never felt the same way about his mother after that…

Taught primary age children for 20 years. Hand washing before breaktime snack and drink and before lunch or a cooking activity is absolutely built into the structure if the day.

At 3.5 I'd expect him to be able to manage most of the time but to ask for help if needed. For 8 year old nephew I'm shocked. I definitely haven't helped my kids at all after they started school. Obviously different if they have SEN...