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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU fed up of my business being repeated constantly by friend!

85 replies

FGSnotagain22 · 27/04/2022 12:52

I have a friend who is known to gossip about everyone.
I'm very very careful in what I say to her as she has no filter and just repeats everyone's business I'm not sure if it's just to have something to talk about or if it's done on purpose. Who knows.

I told her something not overly personal regarding my DD and expected her not to repeat as it was about my DD and she's only gone and told other people and potentially causing me and my DD problems in the future. I'm not saying what it is as its outing.

AIBU to be fed up of this behaviour? I can handle my business being repeated but my DDs business isn't fair game to gossip about. Angry how do you deal with these type of people? Should I just give her a wide birth from now on?

OP posts:
UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 27/04/2022 12:55

Wide berth. And tell her why.

10HailMarys · 27/04/2022 12:57

Surely if it's something that could potentially cause your daughter problems in the future, then it actually was something overly personal. If revealing something to others might have consequences, that is exactly what makes it personal.

Did you specifically ask her not to tell people?

Your friend shouldn't be gossiping, but equally you shouldn't have told her DD's business in the first place - especially when you know full well she can't keep her mouth shut. So you are both being unreasonable.

Lollypop701 · 27/04/2022 12:59

I’d back out of this friendship tbh

Nowomenaroundeh · 27/04/2022 13:01

I would explicitly ask her not to repeat this to anyone.

custardbear · 27/04/2022 13:01

I'd literally tell her nothing or I'd give her a wide berth. If she asks why then I'd mention you were hurt by her gossiping about your child

MzHz · 27/04/2022 13:03

Stop bloody telling her stuff!

this is 100% on you! Not her!

she can’t tell what she doesn’t know.

Fairyliz · 27/04/2022 13:03

So you already know she is a gossip but have told her something about your DD which could cause problems in the future?
Sorry but I think you are partly to blame here as you knew what she was like.
In future just talk about general topics, the weather, what you are having for dinner, what’s on Netflix. If she’s after gossip talk about the latest celebrity gossip, there’s always something going on.

HappyFlaps · 27/04/2022 13:04

YANBU for wanting her not to share personal business, but

I'm very very careful in what I say to her as she has no filter and just repeats everyone's business

and

I expected her not to repeat

doesn't really go together. I'm not sure why you'd tell her something that might cause you as DD problems if spread while knowing she spreads everything, and also did not explicitly tell her not to tell anyone.

I think you've caused this problem yourself unfortunately. Don't ever tell her anything that will have consequences if spread.

MarilynValentine · 27/04/2022 13:05

Why did you tell her?

Well, take it as (another?!) lesson that you cannot tell her anything about your life.

Rainbowqueeen · 27/04/2022 13:06

Tell her that someone keeps gossiping about you and you’re planning a sting a La Wagatha Christie to get to the bottom of it and expose the gossip before you dramatically end the friendship.

Hesma · 27/04/2022 13:06

You knew what she was like but still told her 🙄.

tomatoandherbs · 27/04/2022 13:08

So odd
so very odd


  1. to have a friend who gossips

  2. to tell her something about your knowing she’s a gossip

  3. to be surprised

ChaosMoon · 27/04/2022 13:08

Yeah, she shouldn't have done it but neither should you.

There can't be expectations with someone like this. Some people are better off you explicitly say that you don't want something to go any further but, to be honest, I'd be weary of even doing that.

What I would do is tell her how you feel. Whether you just keep your thoughts to yourself or give her a wide berth would be dependant on her response.

tomatoandherbs · 27/04/2022 13:09

About your child no less

and obviously serious if long term impact on your and her

as I say. Odd. You telling her that is.

Whatwouldscullydo · 27/04/2022 13:10

Just stop telling her stuff. I have done this with my friend who now seems to he a hive mind with 2 others and I constantly feel I'm having a threeway conversation. Don't say anything you don't want repeated. It's sad to lose a close friendship and go back to fairly superficial relationships but at least your business remains your business.

EvilPea · 27/04/2022 13:11

I know someone like this, it’s easy to slip occasionally. I tell her nothing about my life.
sorry you slipped and I hope others are more tactful with their passing it on

Testina · 27/04/2022 13:12

Why on Earth did you tell her?!!

Original poster
FGSnotagain22 · 27/04/2022 13:13

It's not personal personal! It was about being invited somewhere. Jesus I'm not going to tell her my DDs actual business.

I'm annoyed because she's gossiping about a CHILD. Ffs. Even I didn't expect her to go that low.

OP posts:
JenniferBarkley · 27/04/2022 13:14

tomatoandherbs · 27/04/2022 13:08

So odd
so very odd


  1. to have a friend who gossips

  2. to tell her something about your knowing she’s a gossip

  3. to be surprised

This!

But it's also hard to judge without more context - some people on here seem to regard passing on the most banal of news as gossip.

How's Jane, have you been speaking her her lately?

I saw her last week, she's in great form. She was saying she's tired as work is busy and her toddler isn't sleeping well, but no real news.

Normal, not gossip.

tomatoandherbs · 27/04/2022 13:15

Not “overly” personal
she's only gone and told other people and potentially causing me and my DD problems in the future

JenniferBarkley · 27/04/2022 13:15

FGSnotagain22 · 27/04/2022 13:13

It's not personal personal! It was about being invited somewhere. Jesus I'm not going to tell her my DDs actual business.

I'm annoyed because she's gossiping about a CHILD. Ffs. Even I didn't expect her to go that low.

Is it gossip that your DD was invited somewhere?

MarilynValentine · 27/04/2022 13:16

Yes you’re annoyed but you knew what she was like. You should be annoyed at yourself really.

we’re all works in progress OP Smile

SunshineLollipopsAndRainbows · 27/04/2022 13:17

Unexpectediteminshaggingarea that is a brilliant username!! And I’m glad you put “ wide berth” as I was itching to do that 🤣

tomatoandherbs · 27/04/2022 13:17

I am fascinated by your logic
you and “everyone” know she’s gossip
why tell her anything?
why tell her anything and “assume” she is not going to tell her anything?
why tell her something that If she did gossip would cause implications for you and, more importantly, your DD?

Original poster
FGSnotagain22 · 27/04/2022 13:17

@JenniferBarkley one of DDs friends was having a sleepover, she asked if DD was going. I said no DD hadn't been invited.
Cue her going to the other parents making a big thing out of it when it wasn't a big deal to begin with DD wasn't that bothered now I'm worried the other parents/DD friends won't invite her to other things as they think I've made a problem out of nothing. That's why I'm angry.

OP posts: