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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU fed up of my business being repeated constantly by friend!

85 replies

FGSnotagain22 · 27/04/2022 12:52

I have a friend who is known to gossip about everyone.
I'm very very careful in what I say to her as she has no filter and just repeats everyone's business I'm not sure if it's just to have something to talk about or if it's done on purpose. Who knows.

I told her something not overly personal regarding my DD and expected her not to repeat as it was about my DD and she's only gone and told other people and potentially causing me and my DD problems in the future. I'm not saying what it is as its outing.

AIBU to be fed up of this behaviour? I can handle my business being repeated but my DDs business isn't fair game to gossip about. Angry how do you deal with these type of people? Should I just give her a wide birth from now on?

OP posts:
needmorethanthis · 27/04/2022 13:18

It’s strange that she’s repeating conversations? It’s gossiping for the sake of having something to say. Just avoid her from now on. She can’t be trusted

tomatoandherbs · 27/04/2022 13:18

@JenniferBarkley

Would the consequences of that scenario being repeated to others cause implications for you and the child?

Original poster
FGSnotagain22 · 27/04/2022 13:21

MarilynValentine · 27/04/2022 13:16

Yes you’re annoyed but you knew what she was like. You should be annoyed at yourself really.

we’re all works in progress OP Smile

Yep we're all works in progress. Blush

I won't be telling her anything else. If she asks in future my answer will just be "I don't know" and play stupid.

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 27/04/2022 13:21

I am the type of person to make up fake gossip to see if she spreads it.

JenniferBarkley · 27/04/2022 13:21

FGSnotagain22 · 27/04/2022 13:17

@JenniferBarkley one of DDs friends was having a sleepover, she asked if DD was going. I said no DD hadn't been invited.
Cue her going to the other parents making a big thing out of it when it wasn't a big deal to begin with DD wasn't that bothered now I'm worried the other parents/DD friends won't invite her to other things as they think I've made a problem out of nothing. That's why I'm angry.

Yeah ok, that's weird. Definitely back away.

tomatoandherbs · 27/04/2022 13:23

Can’t imagine even being friends with someone who is a known gossip that I know I can’t trust her with any personal information at all

tomatoandherbs · 27/04/2022 13:24

Bananalanacake · 27/04/2022 13:21

I am the type of person to make up fake gossip to see if she spreads it.

@Bananalanacake

if you are friends with someone that you feel you have to test to see if she spreads… then perhaps don’t be friends with them?

tootiredtoocare · 27/04/2022 13:29

You said you're careful about what you tell her because she gossips. Then you told her something and are upset because she gossiped about it. Duh.

Courante · 27/04/2022 13:29

Ah - so a gossip and a shit-stirrer. Yes, I would definitely not be sharing anything with her now and mentally move her into the acquaintance that cannot be trusted group.

StooOrangeyForCrows · 27/04/2022 13:31

When people tell you what they are, believe them.

Undisclosedlocation · 27/04/2022 13:32

That’s not gossip OP. That’s meddling deliberately in someone else’s business.

I’d tear her off a strip so she knows not to do it again, but also give her a wide berth. You appear to have two problems here…..neither of you are able to keep quiet when you should

MissusMaisel · 27/04/2022 13:34

Either it is somehting that matters and you shouldn't have told her, or its not something that matters and your're makin a fuss for no reason.

If you don't want your business repeated, don't tell it to people who you know will repeat it. It's not very hard

Triffid1 · 27/04/2022 13:36

I was going to say just don't tell her stuff in future. But after your update I think you should aim to step away from this friendship. She's not gossiping, she's meddling and it's unnecessary and counter-productive.

I have a friend who also gossips and while she isn't a meddler as such, her gossip can lead to meddling. So we get on well but I no longer tell her even the most banal things because otherwise a) everyone knows and b) what everyone knows is really quite right.... and then inevitably it gets back to DS in a garbled state and he has a meltdown.

Rubyupbeat · 27/04/2022 13:39

Why the heck tell a known gossiper anything?, it's your own fault.

Sistanotcista · 27/04/2022 13:39

You’re quite right to be annoyed, OP. You have two options - steer clear of her in future, or start telling her the most outrageous whoppers that will make her look like a complete idiot if she repeats them!

JustLyra · 27/04/2022 13:40

That’s not gossiping. That’s shit stirring. Deliberately so.

Why stay friends with her and say “don’t know” rather than back away and have only friends that you can trust not to shit stir?

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 27/04/2022 13:40

It's very difficult to maintain a relationship with someone with divulging ANYTHING that could then be gossiped about. I have this with my SIL so I know. She is also very judgmental/pass-remarkable so can start a conflict in the most benign topic of conversation.

TheMarmaladeYears · 27/04/2022 13:42

I have a friend who is unsafe with information in that she finds it very difficult not to interfere with things that need no interference. So your example, OP, is just the sort of thing she'd do and when questioned about the potential consquences, would be very hurt and say she was only trying to help. That everyone feels deeply pissed off with her comes as a complete surprise every single time! So I've learned to think very carefully about what I tell her and am either non-commital or just plain schtum. I do actually think she means well. She just can't accept that a whole lot of stuff needs no interference with.

YANBU to be pissed off. You will, however, need to recognise that this is someone who will always put their oar in. Regardless!

themessygarden · 27/04/2022 13:44

What is that saying ????

Goes something like .......... 'if you can't keep something to yourself, then don't expect others to keep it to themselves either".

You are to blame, not your friend !

reesewithoutaspoon · 27/04/2022 13:47

Sorry but you know shes a gossip, just don't tell her anything.

theshavenraven · 27/04/2022 13:47

You told your friend something you didn't want repeating but you know that she can't keep her mouth shut and now you're annoyed that she's told people

Come on op, what the bloody hell did you really expect

Original poster
FGSnotagain22 · 27/04/2022 13:50

Your right she is shit stirring. DD wasn't even bothered, we can't go anyway as we're busy and she knew this and still made a thing out of it. Angry
I'm just going to have to tell her straight.

OP posts:
Retrievemysanity · 27/04/2022 13:51

Your update shows it’s not gossip though, it’s causing trouble and possibly lying too. I don’t think you can complain about her gossiping but what she’s done goes way beyond that. I’d have a word with her about this and explain you’re annoyed and then give a wide berth.

tearinghairout · 27/04/2022 13:55

I think I would be inclined to tell her the fallout of what she said to the other parents, and that it was not a good judgement on her part to comment to them about your DD not being invited, thanks. Maybe she just needs telling, and will learn from this. But also yes, keep her at arm's length re telling her stuff.
I have a friend who tells me personal stuff about her DD that would make your hair curl, stuff that she really has no business spreading. So I find her an interesting person but I know not to tell her anything, sadly.

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/04/2022 13:57

First, you need to stop regarding her a a friend. She absolutely doesn't regard you as a friend, you're just someone to gossip about, as far as she's concerned. I doubt she has any friends.

Second -
Cue her going to the other parents making a big thing out of it when it wasn't a big deal to begin with DD wasn't that bothered now I'm worried the other parents/DD friends won't invite her to other things as they think I've made a problem out of nothing. That's why I'm angry.
Are you friendly enough with these parents that you could apologise to them for her behaviour? 'I'm so sorry that Gossiper had a go at you, she asked me if DD was going to sleepover and all I said DD wasn't invited. I didn't think anything of it, I had no idea Gossiper would behave so weirdly.'

Third - I would tear a strip off her. Point out I'm already having to be careful of what I say to her because she's spreads everything everywhere, and that I'm tired of having to be wary of her and that I'm going to solve the problem in future by having nothing to do with her from now on so kindly fuck the fuck off and don't ever come near me again.