Who is in the wrong here????

[WorriedWelshy]

A few weeks ago I bought my step son a personalised jacket to wear for his 8th birthday party that he's having at his mother's who he lives.

I found out yesterday that she didn't put it on him because apparently it wasn't spelt correctly so he wore something else.

AIBU to call her disrespectful by not putting it on him to wear? She didn't even let us know he wouldn't be wearing it or say thank you for us buying it for him or anything. She said she didn't ask us to buy it and because my step son already said thank you she doesn't think she needs to.
What annoyed me most is she didn't even give it back to us until I had to ASK for it back.

My OH thinks I'm overreacting but I can't help but feel so offended.

[Shodan]

THIS is why grammar matters.

[huuskymam]

You bought him a crap present, no 8 year old is going to walk around every day with a jacket saying its you're birthday today. She didn't have to tell you he wasn't wearing it, or thank you for it, the child already did that. You are so unreasonable.

[Motnight]

Face it, it was a crap present Op.

[needmorethanthis]

Is this a joke post? I’ll report this so that mumsnet can investigate if this is a troll. No step parent would behave like this. This is insane.

If you are real then blimey. Seriously you need to get some help. You’re post and your actions are not sensible, kind or normal. Please stop and get help with boundaries and behaviour. I don’t know what has happened in life to make you this way but he is not your child, you are a controlling bully and it is not your place to say what someone who is not your child wears in a house that you don’t own on a day that you are not there.

You actually come across as being quite nasty.

[Lou98]

He obviously isn't going to wear it at hers so why not just give it back?

But he isn't going to wear it anywhere again as it's only his 8th Birthday for one day surely? You can't give him a present then demand it back because he never wore it, at 8 years old he's old enough to decide where he wants to keep it. It's a jacket, I really don't see what the problem is.

I'm with your Husband, you are massively overreacting to this

[daimbarsatemydogsbone]

People get (rightly) concerned at single use plastics.

Is there any more obvious waste of resources than a jacket that you could only wear on one day ever that cannot even be used as it's faulty?

[BlimBosh]

YABU
very much so. You confronted her over a jacket?

[neverbeenskiing]

Firstly, you cannot dictate what your SS wears, especially when he's not even in your care. Beyond entitled of you to expect his Mum to "put him in" the jacket because you took it upon yourself to buy it. Secondly, your stepson was probably being polite when he told you he wanted to wear the jacket. I have an 8 year old and I cannot imagine my DC or any of their classmates being willing to wear something like that in front of their friends, even without the grammatical error. Why on earth would you then expect his Mum to thank you and his Dad personally for buying him a present? Buying your DC a birthday present is the absolute minimum standard of parenting, and let's face it, you got it wrong. Just accept that you made a mistake with the present and stop trying to use this as a stick to beat your partners ex with.

[RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime]

Imagine a jacket than can only be worn for one day, and can’t be sold or be of any use to a charity shop. That is one of the most U things I’ve ever heard of.
And short of something like a raincoat or a life jacket, you can’t make 8 year olds wear things they don’t want to.

[5128gap]

Sorry OP, but I wouldn't let my child wear something with an error on it either if it were personalised, and im not that bothered about SPAG, but that would be embarrassing. Your mistake led to the situation not any unreasonableness in the part if the mother. Sometimes we get stuff wrong, but just have to own that and move on, not look around to make it someone else's fault that it doesn't go to plan.

[Marjoriesdoor]

I am not surprised he didn't wear it. I wouldn't have let my child wear that (that particular misspelling makes my teeth itch) but I might have mentioned the spelling issue in case you wanted to ask for a refund from the company you bought it from. Why would anyone pay good money for something so poorly made?

[Toottooot]

Don’t you think his mother you know the one organising the party might want to be the one who decides what HER child wears. Also, it’s sounds a bit babyish for an 8 year old. How pathetic.

[Marjoriesdoor]

Assuming the error was on the part of the retailer and not in text that you specifically supplied, that is.

[Tryhard40]

This has GOT to be a reverse?

You can’t honestly have posted in Aibu thinking you are in any way reasonable?

To be blunt, you sound a bit cray-cray. And the jacket sounds extremely tacky!

has it occurred to you that the mother didn’t return the jacket as you would’ve been insulted by that too and so she thought it better to stay schtum?

[Marjoriesdoor]

I also agree that if it was for him to wear, why didn't the text say "I am 8" rather than "you're/your 8?"

I am irrationally irritated by the whole thing.

[MiddleClassProblem]

@Marjoriesdoor

I also agree that if it was for him to wear, why didn't the text say "I am 8" rather than "you're/your 8?"

I am irrationally irritated by the whole thing.

Omg I didn’t even think of that. Yes, the wording is even weirder!

[mycatisannoying]

YABU.

[funinthesun19]

You meant well and I think you put a lot of thought in to his gift. I wouldn’t have gone to so much trouble in your shoes, just for the reason that the jacket was going to be worn at mum’s and it might have just been tossed to one side by her anyway, spelling error or not.

[HunterHearstHelmsley]

I will never understand parents/step parents/guardians/whatever advertising their child's name on clothing, let alone their age as well! Absolutely bonkers.

That aside...

You are triply unreasonable-

• Making such a basic error (you're/your)
• Expecting to dictate to his mother what he wore to his party
• Asking for the jacket back

[unicornsarereal72]

You get no say in what the other parent does or what happens in their house. Think you need to reconsider your boundaries. And let the parents of this child make their own decisions.

[aSofaNearYou]

YABU. You obviously meant well and it was a nice gift but it is a bit forceful to buy someone clothes for a specific event they're having elsewhere and expect them to wear it, they may not have liked it or just wanted to wear something else.

The spelling error just adds to it. I don't know how much experience you have with pedants OP but if you're the kind of person that notices "your" being used wrong, then you often REALLY notice it. I would in all honestly not want to use it because of that.

[WorriedWelshy]

I'm actually shocked at how nasty some of these replies are.

I'm not trying to "dictate" what my SS wears and he was actually the one who asked for something personalised for his birthday. I just thought it was disrespectful, why not just let us know that it's not spelled right? Or a thanks but he won't be wearing it.
I'd rather have it back than it sit and not get worn at hers.

[Testina]

I’d object to that for crimes against:

• grammar
• taste
• the environment

Not necessarily in that order.

No 8yo I know would be seen dead in anything more OTT than a badge.

It was rude of you to attempt to dictate what he wore.

It isn’t normal for the child’s parent to thank them other parent for a present (even one as shit as this) let alone the step parent.

Your / you’re attempt at stealing the limelight backfired!

[leadmeaway]

Sorry OP, I'm going to ignore the rest of your post about rights on wrongs of spelling and a crap gift, but buying a single use jacket for one day, is very very irresponsible in its own right.

"The fashion industry accounts for between 8% and 10% of global carbon emissions, according to the U.N. That’s more than the same kind of emissions generated by international flights and maritime shipping combined. The fashion industry also generates about 20% of the globe’s wastewater and 24% of insecticides due to all the cotton and similar crops that have to be harvested to make clothes."

[girlmom21]

@WorriedWelshy

I'm actually shocked at how nasty some of these replies are.

I'm not trying to "dictate" what my SS wears and he was actually the one who asked for something personalised for his birthday. I just thought it was disrespectful, why not just let us know that it's not spelled right? Or a thanks but he won't be wearing it.
I'd rather have it back than it sit and not get worn at hers.

Why would you rather it be sat unworn at yours?