Who is in the wrong here????

[WorriedWelshy]

A few weeks ago I bought my step son a personalised jacket to wear for his 8th birthday party that he's having at his mother's who he lives.

I found out yesterday that she didn't put it on him because apparently it wasn't spelt correctly so he wore something else.

AIBU to call her disrespectful by not putting it on him to wear? She didn't even let us know he wouldn't be wearing it or say thank you for us buying it for him or anything. She said she didn't ask us to buy it and because my step son already said thank you she doesn't think she needs to.
What annoyed me most is she didn't even give it back to us until I had to ASK for it back.

My OH thinks I'm overreacting but I can't help but feel so offended.

[StrangeCondition]

@Nelliephant1

I'm with his mum I'm afraid.

I'd be rather miffed that his father and step mum didn't notice that his name was spelt wrongly.

She's right imho that he said thank you for it therefor why should she, he's old enough to say for himself.

It's not something that's going to be to everyone's taste.

My children were very unfashion conscious but there's no way they'd have worn something like that but they would have been polite enough not to say so to whoever gave them it.

I worked with sex offenders and their advice was to never ever put a child's name on anything that can be seen, bags, t shirts, baby on board signs, hair bands, jackets. It immediately gives the offender information that they can then use to entice the child and fake familiarity i.e. their name.

His name wasn't spelled incorrectly it said your instead of you're

But I agree with others, big waste of money for one day and you can't force a child to wear something they don't want to. Maybe he said he'd wear it because he didn't want to upset you? Plus his mum didn't need to thank you, he already did

[OatmilkandCookies]

YABU.
Nobody can make someone wear something they don't want to, and gifts shouldn't come with rules- you can use it or not, it's your own choice

[FAQs]

It sounds as though the jacket was for the benefit of the gift giver who wanted recognition and not the child and therefore has flounced when they didn’t get the attention.

[dylanthedragon]

You expected your stepson's mum to thank his dad for buying his son a birthday gift? You said "she didn't even thank us" so I'm assuming it was a joint gift from your DH and you?

Did you DH thank his ex for the gifts she bought their son?

[Nelliephant1]

Missed the your instead of your'e but that would do my head in and my children's to be honest so that would be another reason not to wear it.

I'm very surprised that you didn't notice it. That would be embarrassing.

[UndertheCedartree]

His mum gets to choose what he wears at his party, that you didn't even go to, not you. And to say it was spelled incorrectly but it doesn't really matter, says it all. Yes, it does matter enormously to the person that chose his name!

[WoodenClock]

I knew it would be you from the multiple question marks

There's no way I'd put either me or my child in an item of clothing that contained a spelling or grammatical error.

It's not clear to me what the error was, but if it's the incorrect use of your, absolutely no way on earth my child would be wearing that to a public event..

But quite apart from that if someone doesn't like a gift, they don't have to wear it.

[daimbarsatemydogsbone]

@Sirzy

I can’t picture many 8 year olds wearing that even if spelt correctly to be honest!

Nor me - I had an actual WTF at this - is there a cultural aspect or something I am missing?

[Pearlyqueen21]

That’s a very weird present, putting aside the awful spelling gaffe, and totally inappropriate. An 8 yr old child will already have their own taste, and this sounds more like something for a baby or toddler. Also, many of us aren’t happy publicly branding our child with their name (all those dance school hoodies/bags etc) in case it makes our child an easy target for an opportunistic predator. The mum might have been worried about that - giving a random person the ability to use their name and a birthday/age detail could be quite persuasive in getting them to go with them. I’m absolutely not a paranoid person fearing ‘paedos’ on every corner! But come on 😫

[AChocolateOrangeaday]

Well you plainly don't like the ex one little bit but it is shit of you to use the kid to have a go at her.

[UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea]

I couldn't have coped with the typo. The whole thing is weird. Don't try to control what your SS wears at a party you are not even attending.

[GooglyEyeballs]

@AChocolateOrangeaday

Well you plainly don't like the ex one little bit but it is shit of you to use the kid to have a go at her.

Also agree with this!

[MiddleClassProblem]

If I were in her position I would probably be annoyed that his dad and partner had told me what to dress him in on a day they are not seeing him.

And I wouldn’t put him in a jacket with that grammatical error even if I had bought it as I would be embarrassed.

DD is a year younger and she wears what she wants, I can only have influence if it’s for practical reasons. And she knows the difference between your and you’re so chances that a kid in the year above noticed it and didn’t want to wear it.

I would say that I would have pointed out the mistake to his dad/you though as it had come direct to them so I would think you would want a refund or to complain.

But for your issue to be that she didn’t make him wear it rather than the company fucked it up, is way off.

[Shoxfordian]

Wouldn’t have put my kid in something grammatically incorrect either

Yabu

[Pyri]

Of course this is a reverse

[feelinglowandblue]

It’s also a present that literally could only be worn once 🤔🤔what was your reasoning behind this gift?

[Greensleeves]

I wouldn't put my child in a garment that had a spelling mistake on it, not in a million years. I dislike writing on clothing anyway tbh. If the 8yo had been begging to wear it that would be one thing, but he wasn't, was he? He had also noticed the bad spelling, and didn't want to wear it. Was she supposed to upset him and spoil his party, just to appease you?

Why on earth do you think she should thank you for a birthday present her son had already thanked you for?! You do sound rather high-maintenance and unreasonable, I'm afraid.

[Seeline]

That is terrible grammatical error! There is no way I could have had a child of mine wearing a piece of clothing with that written on it.

TBF my 8yo DD would not have worn that either at that age - she was very particular about grammar (and what she wore...)

[hedgehoglurker]

Another vote for YABU. I would not have let my child wear it.

[multivac]

No eight-year-old in the world would wear that; with or without the terrible grammar error. You haven't thought about him at all when considering what to get him, and your irritation is massively misplaced.

[Greensleeves]

...and why the hell would you want her to give it back?! What do you want it for? You gave it as a gift - you don't get it back. And you gave it to the child, not her.

[hangrylady]

My son wouldn't have been seen dead in a jacket with his name on at 8 (unless a football shirt with his surname on the back)! Are you sure it's the son who didn't want to wear it? Either way YABU. You don't get to decide what other people's children wear.

[Daisy38]

@foxlover47

Reminds me of the bracelet Del Boy have Rodney , that spelt Rooney 🤣

🤣

[MinnieMountain]

My 8yo has a hoodie with just his initial on that PIL’s gave him. It’s quite nice but even then we would never make him wear it.

Your present sounds awful.

[WoodenClock]

Isn't it really odd wording even if it was gramatically correct?

If it's for the birthday boy to wear, wouldn't it be "I'm eight". "You're eight" suggests friends or family of BB. which would be even more bonkers