Why why why do people have kids without marriage

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Obviously if you earn more.. have an independent income... so NOT aimed at you..

But WHY after all these years do I see threads from economically improvised women STILL posting how they are so severely compromised ?

Because many think not getting married, going ahead to have sex and have children is an expression of "freedom" forgetting that women bond and so hurt differently from men. In the real world women make the most sacrifices for their children not counting the medical risk of pregnancy and child birth but the slow down in career generally.

Women simply don't know their power. If all women united, refused to have sex or bear children the men will sit up and listen!

^ This…

I had a partner once who got to see his DC once every 2 wks for 8 hrs. All he was entitled to as unmarried. Soul destroying.

When myself and now DH wanted a baby I insisted on marriage - for my own security, but also I didn’t want to ever have so much power over him if the relationship fell apart.

I think marriage protects men and women.

@Worriedatwork1 isn't it?! As an aside to how 1930s some of these views come across as, it feels like some really can't fathom that not everyone has 'assets' hanging around that you might lose out on should your wealthy husband leave you. A proper- dare I say - upper middle class/wealthy point of view being painted on this thread.

I'm incredibly thankful I didn't marry the idiot that fathered my first child. That was a swerve!

I had a partner once who got to see his DC once every 2 wks for 8 hrs. All he was entitled to as unmarried. Soul destroying.

Huh? Why could he only see them 8 hours per fortnight? I was never married and my ex is "entitled" to see the DC as much as he wants (he doesn't). He could even have taken me to court to have them live with him if he so wished.

Not being married makes no difference to child contact, unless he wasn't on the BC which is a different matter anyway.

Rights and protection for the kids - it isn’t all about the division of assets.

An unmarried father doesn’t even have parental responsibility in some cases and does not have the same obligation to pay maintenance for offspring as a married father.

If you were able to come to an amicable arrangement that is great; many other men and women aren’t so lucky and lose their rights.

I really wish unmarried had the same protections, it seems grossly unfair, particularly on children.

@IstayedForTheFeminism she blocked access, he took her to court. She made up all sorts of nonsense and played the mother card the whole way through. It was awful. I would hope they eventually came to some agreement better than what was there. But it was dreadful to witness.

She wanted a sperm donor.

All an unmarried Father needs to do is have a DNA test done (courts can order this I believe). Et voila. He can be added to the BC and have the same rights as the mother.

And men can be ordered to pay maintenance even if they aren't on the BC.

@IstayedForTheFeminism he was told by his legal team the whole way through that his unmarried status was against him and the courts wouldn’t be favourable. This was some years ago now, but it definitely affirmed my preference for marriage, horrible to see a man emotionally diminished like that.

Various other friends also - one realised she’d be homeless and ex wife/kids would get house if DP of 20yrs died… promptly married. Another due to have 70:30 split of assets to her in divorce, if unmarried lucky to get 50:50.

I agree, OP. The worst is reading people saying they are TTC and speak of their boyfriend/partners. I mean, why TTC when not married? I understand accidents happen but to deliberately TTC when not married is really messed up imo. These women have no morals and no sense. They just don't care.

Sounds like he had crap legal advice then.

Either that or it was so many years ago that things have changed considerably in which case its not relevant any more.

But I'm sorry that happened to him. It must have been hard.

@IstayedForTheFeminism

bog standard maintenance if unmarried

family-law.co.uk/child-maintenance-when-unmarried-parents-separate/

No morals? What morals are they then?
My sister and I are both single mums. She was married, although not until after the baby was born. I wasn't ever.
She's slept with more men this year alone than i have in my entire life. So I could say I've got better morals than her. But I'm not a judgemental twat.

Yes. Child maintenance. The same as previously married parents get if they separate.
There isn't a different rate for previously married couples

It's not a race to the bottom. That you think comparing to others makes it better pretty well proves my point.

I'm not making it a race to the bottom. I'm just asking how you're defining "lack of morals".
Some people think sex outside of wedlock is immoral
Some think sex is OK as long as there isn't a baby.
Some think sex with a different man every week is immoral.
Some don't give a fuck how many people they have sex with.

So depending on your stance there I could have better or worse morals than my sister (or my brother for that matter).
Actually I don't think any of us have more/less morals than the others. We are different people who are all doing our best to raise our dc.

Again, it's not a competition. It doesn't matter who has worse morals.

If it doesn't matter why did you say that women who have babies out of wedlock have no morals? That's a nasty judgmental opinion.
So either lack of morals matter enough that you can comment on them, or they don't matter.

@IstayedForTheFeminism

it would probably be more of an issue for those with high earning partners.

”If a relationship between unmarried parents breaks down, the options and amount of financial support and provision can be more limited than that available to married parents. In most cases support will be limited to child maintenance using the calculations set out by the Child Maintenance service as a guide.”

and another link going into the whole thing on how England doesn’t provide the same protections for unmarried.

www.iflg.uk.com/service/unmarried-couples

its a modern world we live in and why do we have to get married before we have kids??

who says that marriage can protect you?
I’m divorced (he had an affair) and I can honestly say it doesn’t matter as yea, you MIGHT get a little bit more money but the emotional stress, the bitterness at the end is horrific.
I wouldn’t wish it on anyone so I can see why people don’t get married.
if a guys going to screw you over, it doesn’t matter if he’s married or not!
I’m happy, have kids and unmarried and I feel confident with that decision.

Well I left an abusive relationship, so no quite the "market" you are looking for, but some just don't believe in marriage, some men are abusive, some men leave when they find out about the pregnancy...

Your question is disingenuous at best.

Although apparently I have no morals 👀👀LOL

@Robinni yes if one partner is a high earner they might have to pay spousal maintenance. But I believe that's very rare these days.

In purely child maintenance terms it makes no difference at all.

So are you saying that because my sons father was abusive to me (for the 1st time, once I was already pregnant) that I should have terminated?
I had never planned to be a single mum but I did a better bloody job on my own that a lot of married couples I know!

It is a valid relationship status for some things. For example you can get a spouse visa to the uk for a common law relationship.

Well I certainly wouldn't want to be tied to an abusive man for life through a baby, so I definitely would have terminated as it would have been wiser imo. But I recognise that's only my opinion.