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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to watch adult BILs play football

136 replies

Olive180 · 26/04/2022 18:11

DP (36) is from a big football family, and two of his younger brothers play in the same local team (just a bog standard Sunday league). It's their end of season tournament or something next Sunday and DP is going to watch with MIL, FIL, two sets of grandparents, and the partners of both BILs. I dont want to spend a sunny Sunday of my weekend watching random men run around a field. DP isn't usually one for couple 'obligations' but seems really disappointed I feel this way, and is sad that I don't want to go on this family day out, which is apparently a tradition for them.

Aibu? If DP was playing I'd happily go and watch, but he's not!

OP posts:
10HailMarys · 27/04/2022 12:24

A tournament is several matches and it lasts all day.

It's still not a big ask of someone when it happens ONCE A YEAR.

GalactatingGoddess · 27/04/2022 12:33

Sack that. I often think there's some underlying sexism in these situations - the women must come along and support the me . Again, sack that. If you aren't interest don't go.

Sparkletastic · 27/04/2022 12:48

Jesus Christ no. To soften the rejection I'd suggest a family picnic in the summer. They can enjoy their sausage rolls when the focus is on conversation and genuine family time rather than sitting in a row watching men run after a ball.

diddl · 27/04/2022 13:03

GalactatingGoddess · 27/04/2022 12:33

Sack that. I often think there's some underlying sexism in these situations - the women must come along and support the me . Again, sack that. If you aren't interest don't go.

I agree with that.

It doesn't sound like a chance to chat & be sociable to me so it would be a no.

diddl · 27/04/2022 13:04

10HailMarys · 27/04/2022 12:24

A tournament is several matches and it lasts all day.

It's still not a big ask of someone when it happens ONCE A YEAR.

Even if it's not a big ask Op doesn't have to do it.

EggBurger · 27/04/2022 13:08

It's still not a big ask of someone when it happens ONCE A YEAR

A whole day of football? Once in a lifetime would be too much for me.

cakewench · 27/04/2022 13:14

YANBU at all. It sounds incredibly dull.

That having been said, I'd probably go because it sounds like it's more about the family outing than the brothers' football prowess.

(my response changes if they expect this outing on a regular basis!)

FluffytheGoldfish · 27/04/2022 13:20

How can it be a one off if it is a family tradition, that's an oxymoron.
And if it is an annual tradition I wouldn't go once as that would then set an expectation.

PierresPotato · 27/04/2022 13:39

Once in the year. If it was truly abominable it would be a one off for all time. But I'd give it a go as a one off.

Sandinmyknickers · 27/04/2022 16:54

I think YABU purely because you haven't thought of the position it puts your DP in, awkwardly explaining to absence. Yes, it's not the end of the world, but for the sake of a 2 hour match which is hardly a hardship for you, it's not terribly nice.

Essentially you're asking him to either tell his family you don't give a shit (embarrassing or awkward for him as he presumably loves you both and wants you to get along), or lie to them.

That's not what partners do in my.opinion, or thye at least acknowledge and jink about what their decisions mean for their partner, and I'm surprised you haven't even considered that aspect of it in your postings.

iklboo · 27/04/2022 16:57

Yes, it's not the end of the world, but for the sake of a 2 hour match which is hardly a hardship for you, it's not terribly nice.

It's a tournament do likely round Robin / knockouts so a fair few matches rather thank just two hours.

Sandinmyknickers · 27/04/2022 16:57

GalactatingGoddess · 27/04/2022 12:33

Sack that. I often think there's some underlying sexism in these situations - the women must come along and support the me . Again, sack that. If you aren't interest don't go.

No its just normal to support your partner regardless of sex if it means something to them and is no real skin off your nose. My partner has definitely come to some social events he wouldn't probably actively choose to go to otherwise because he was supporting me, or because it meant something to me (or because otherwise it would be a glaring omission that I'd have to explain or say he was sick or something)
That's one of the reasons he is my 'partner' and not just 'boyfriend '....ya know, supporting each other like a partnership

iklboo · 27/04/2022 16:59

It's still not a big ask of someone when it happens ONCE A YEAR.

Yes it is if you're not into football. Is sooner saw my kneecaps off & use them as a bra then spend all day watching football. Not to mention all the flying testosterone.

Sandinmyknickers · 27/04/2022 17:00

iklboo · 27/04/2022 16:57

Yes, it's not the end of the world, but for the sake of a 2 hour match which is hardly a hardship for you, it's not terribly nice.

It's a tournament do likely round Robin / knockouts so a fair few matches rather thank just two hours.

OK. So it's not 2 hours. Still doesn't change my stance. It's hardly the end of the world for her- she's with her DP as well as his family. Does she not like spending any time in their company, even if the activity is not to her taste? I am going to assume she does not hate them...therefore it is not a hardship
Its also a long weekend so not like the OP only has 2 days

Sandinmyknickers · 27/04/2022 17:06

iklboo · 27/04/2022 16:59

It's still not a big ask of someone when it happens ONCE A YEAR.

Yes it is if you're not into football. Is sooner saw my kneecaps off & use them as a bra then spend all day watching football. Not to mention all the flying testosterone.

Ahh so you're just a troll then
Honestly what a silly exaggeration!
Also it's not like her eyes are glued open and forced to watch football in silence. It's a social event and she will spend most of it chatting to DP and family more than watching random matches. She can even scroll on her phone for a lot of it
Plus she's even admitted she would go if DP were playing- she can't hate football that much as to want to saw her knees off.

iklboo · 27/04/2022 17:09

@Sandinmyknickers - not a troll no. Okay maybe hyperbole but you wouldn't drag me to a football tournament for anyone. Social occasion or not. I have family who play football. I've never seen them play & never will. They know I have no interest so wouldn't ask.

EggBurger · 27/04/2022 17:22

but for the sake of a 2 hour match

It's not a 2 hour match. It's several matches. A tournament lasts all day.

EggBurger · 27/04/2022 17:32

No its just normal to support your partner regardless of sex if it means something to them and is no real skin off your nose

But for some people it is skin off their nose. A whole day watching a load of blokes playing football would absolutely piss me off. I loathe the game and all that goes with it. I'd tolerate it if I'd had a child who played but not a load of grown men. A whole day, standing up, in a field for absolutely valid reason whatsoever. No ta.

10HailMarys · 27/04/2022 17:32

Yes it is if you're not into football. Is sooner saw my kneecaps off & use them as a bra then spend all day watching football. Not to mention all the flying testosterone.

It's a non-league tournament. It will be primarily milling around and chatting, with a backdrop of football, that's all. It's Sunday league. There will be people there paying absolutely no attention to the football whatsoever. It's a social thing, and it won't be at a stadium or anything. You don't just sit in a seat and stare at the football.

I don't like parties of any kind. But I still went to my SIL's birthday party with DP because it's his family and I like them and it's a nice gesture to turn up to a family event once in a blue moon.

I bet loads of people on here who are saying the OP shouldn't go would be giving a completely different answer if the OP's partner was refusing to go a family wedding/christening/anniversary with her on the grounds that he finds them boring.

As for 'flying testosterone' - oh ffs, how harder can you clutch your pearls? It's some ordinary blokes playing a game in front of their families, not an underground bare-knuckle fight

sweeneytoddsrazor · 27/04/2022 17:35

YANBU, it sounds dull. As usual most of AIBU tell a woman to ignore her own wishes and support the menz.

There is always someone who has to spout this bollocks. Just occasionally when you are part of a couple it is ok to do something the other one wants. Putting someone else first now and again is not putting your own wishes aside to support the menz. It is part of a good relationship, sometimes you do things as a couple you both want, sometimes you do what one or the other wants and sometimes you do your own thing.

EggBurger · 27/04/2022 17:38

It is part of a good relationship, sometimes you do things as a couple you both want, sometimes you do what one or the other wants and sometimes you do your own thing

So why can't this be a thing that he does and she doesn't? Sounds sensible to me.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 27/04/2022 17:45

So why can't this be a thing that he does and she doesn't? Sounds sensible to me.

Because as the OP said he normally doesn't mind and this is something that is important to him. Therefore it would be nice if she made the effort for 1 thing that is important to him and he reciprocated.

Ahurricaneofjacarandas · 27/04/2022 18:10

If it's important to your DP that you're there and it's only once a year then it seems a no-brainer. It might not be your idea of a perfect Sunday but it's not the end of the world either. He's asking you to hover around a football match for a few hours not poke your eyes out with toothpicks. I wish my inlaws even liked me enough to see me more than a few minutes on birthdays tbh. Just do it

phoenixrosehere · 27/04/2022 18:20

10HailMarys · 27/04/2022 17:32

Yes it is if you're not into football. Is sooner saw my kneecaps off & use them as a bra then spend all day watching football. Not to mention all the flying testosterone.

It's a non-league tournament. It will be primarily milling around and chatting, with a backdrop of football, that's all. It's Sunday league. There will be people there paying absolutely no attention to the football whatsoever. It's a social thing, and it won't be at a stadium or anything. You don't just sit in a seat and stare at the football.

I don't like parties of any kind. But I still went to my SIL's birthday party with DP because it's his family and I like them and it's a nice gesture to turn up to a family event once in a blue moon.

I bet loads of people on here who are saying the OP shouldn't go would be giving a completely different answer if the OP's partner was refusing to go a family wedding/christening/anniversary with her on the grounds that he finds them boring.

As for 'flying testosterone' - oh ffs, how harder can you clutch your pearls? It's some ordinary blokes playing a game in front of their families, not an underground bare-knuckle fight

I’d actually wouldn’t mind if I never went to another christening (don’t believe in them) or going alone to a birthday or anniversary party on my side of the family. I would be spending most of the time having to explain who is who, past histories, and what stories families are talking about which DH has to do with me.

I spent most of his family events smiling and bearing it, listening to the same old stories, gossip about people I don’t know and will never meet (not into gossip), and keeping an eye on our children. He has not had to endure this with my family and I wouldn’t put him through that. Don’t get me wrong I get along with his family but because we are not locals and live far away, I have little in common with them and have to ask questions to be more included but then it goes quickly back to something local. Highlights are that my niece and nephews are old enough where they are into playing board games so I join them and talking to my fellow SIL who isn’t really local either and have more in common with.

Horst · 27/04/2022 18:27

Laughing at only two hours. It will be all bloody day. Nope I wouldn’t go and it’s not a one off if it’s a yearly family tradition. No way would I be giving up an entire day to watch middle aged men kick a football around. Either freezing my ass off or wasting a warm sunny day for a stale sausage roll.

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