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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to watch adult BILs play football

136 replies

Olive180 · 26/04/2022 18:11

DP (36) is from a big football family, and two of his younger brothers play in the same local team (just a bog standard Sunday league). It's their end of season tournament or something next Sunday and DP is going to watch with MIL, FIL, two sets of grandparents, and the partners of both BILs. I dont want to spend a sunny Sunday of my weekend watching random men run around a field. DP isn't usually one for couple 'obligations' but seems really disappointed I feel this way, and is sad that I don't want to go on this family day out, which is apparently a tradition for them.

Aibu? If DP was playing I'd happily go and watch, but he's not!

OP posts:
diddl · 27/04/2022 09:13

Nope!

He has got his family there who are interested & he can enthuse with!

Sally872 · 27/04/2022 09:22

I would go because my dh comes to things he isn't particularly interested in for me so I would do the same. And because it is a couple of hours. You and dh could go for dinner without family later.

I suppose it depends on dynamic of relationship. If he wouldn't come to your choice of event unless he desperately wanted to then don't bother and don't feel bad about it.

EggBurger · 27/04/2022 09:26

And because it is a couple of hours

I don't think it's a couple of hours. A tournament is multiple matches all day.
So I believe.

Hobbesmanc · 27/04/2022 09:30

Aww I'd maybe make some amazing sausage rolls, flask of something gorgeous - maybe even a little alcoholic. Posh crisps. Make a brunch picnic. If its nice weather it could be a great event with family you love. it doesn't seem a lot to ask

KatherineJaneway · 27/04/2022 09:31

No way would I go. I hate football so wouldn't be asked.

crumpet · 27/04/2022 09:31

Is it just once a year? Sometimes family obligations just have to be sucked up. Whether it’s a choir concert, travelling to visit aunt Mildred or whatever.

try and think of it as a day out in the fresh air with a group of nice people you get on with. Not an activity you’d choose ordinarily but not the end of the world either. And it is nice to show support to the BILs

phoenixrosehere · 27/04/2022 09:35

Depends, are you expected to watch or simply be present? If you brought something to occupy yourself, would you be moaned at?

My DH loves football and cricket. I do not care for them. He knows this but tells me about it anyway when I have no idea what he is talking about outside that they are sports. I listen, ask questions and then head off to something else (wouldn’t get the same attention if I talked about our garden for under three minutes but that’s a different issue).

I would loathe having to spend my afternoon having to pay attention to something that is known by family that I don’t enjoy but if no one would say anything to me spending it on my mobile reading or playing Wordle or something, I would just do it and call it my good deed for the day.

I wouldn’t expect their presence at such things if I knew they didn’t enjoy or like them but I did, whether it was my parents or his.

MangshorJhol · 27/04/2022 09:52

ok to clarify


  • its a one off

  • its a couple of hours

  • this is not a DP who regularly asks the OP to do this stuff.

Then why not do it? I mean I am not a fan of hospitals but I’ll take a family member (not just DH) if I need to. We all do things for other people for a few hours if we have to. That’s part of being a family. OP isn’t being asked to PLAY. She has to stand, chat with people she gets on well with, eat a sausage roll and come home. This is not a hardship. It’s not massively entertaining but it’s no more boring than DH agreeing to watch Masterchef with me in the evening after I have had a bad day. I went to watch my niece’s nativity once. It was a terrible production but it made my then 6 year old niece happy. This minor sacrifice of your time will make your partner and his family happy. Why not do it?
I am baffled by people refusing to budge an inch in their life and routine. If you are always the giver I would get the resentment but OP isn’t.

Daenerys77 · 27/04/2022 09:55

Why does he need you there? Surely there will be plenty of other people for him to socialise with?

Celendine · 27/04/2022 10:01

I would go. I find football boring, but I think his family want to know you better and that's why you've been asked.

Sally872 · 27/04/2022 10:02

Daenerys77 · 27/04/2022 09:55

Why does he need you there? Surely there will be plenty of other people for him to socialise with?

I expect he doesn't need her there. He hasn't said anything but OP can tell he is disappointed. Quite normal to want to enjoy something with parter.

Completely reasonable for OP to go or to say no thanks. I would consider it similar to attending nephews football match or dance show. Going to show support rather than because I am interested. (And only because it isn't expected often 😁)

OatmilkandCookies · 27/04/2022 10:12

If they won't pay for a Sunday lunch after, could they do a nice barbecue at home or something like that?
I agree with a PP that these things are what makes you part of the family and strengthen those bonds.

TheOrigRights · 27/04/2022 10:12

I think YABU. This sort of thing is the compromise part of being in a relationship.
It's important for your DP that you go to this family event.

ResentfulLemon · 27/04/2022 10:18

Can't abide football, but I endure matches sometimes because it means a lot to my husband. However, I do insist that we do something nice together afterwards like a nice meal so we both feel like we've had a good day out.

For the sake of being part of one of his family traditions I'd go and ask where he's booked for lunch afterwards.

PierresPotato · 27/04/2022 10:20

I'd go as a one off.

Loopyloopy · 27/04/2022 10:26

I loathe actually watching cricket, but a day out at a local short match can be fun - I find I don't watch the cricket at all, but rather talk to the people I went with, and eat and drink wine. Can you do this?

Ellie56 · 27/04/2022 10:30

I would go but insist DH and I go out for lunch afterwards regardless of the tight arsed family.

neverbeenskiing · 27/04/2022 10:32

If this is a 'tradition' that happens every year then why hasn't the issue come up before? Or have you not been together long?

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 27/04/2022 10:37

I was going to vote YANBU but then read that it is only one day and is treated as a annual family day out. If it was every week, absolutely, I would not go. One day a year when it is a family event? I would go.

Lou98 · 27/04/2022 10:50

I get it, I hate football! However, I do think YABU. It sounds like it's once a year, a couple hours max and is important to your Husband. You've said he doesn't normally mind if you don't go to things but would like you there as it's a tradition for his family so it sounds like it would mean a lot to him.

It also doesn't sound like you would be cancelling plans to go, just that you could make better ones.

Could you not go and just you and DH go out for lunch/dinner after without his family if they don't want to?

NjorogeMuzungu · 27/04/2022 10:51

Why are you even thinking about this? Surely one of the first laws of marriage is that the husband should automatically forget that he has a biological family at all?

EggBurger · 27/04/2022 10:57

It sounds like it's once a year, a couple hours max

A tournament is several matches and it lasts all day.

frazzledasarock · 27/04/2022 11:03

I wouldn’t go. I’d find it boring and I can’t imagine my DH getting upset I don’t want to be sat around wasting my weekend.

equally I enjoy doing things that my DH would hate being forced to join and is quite content leaving me to it.

you don’t have to do everything together just because you’re together.

your DP will get used to you both having different interests and doing your own thing occasionally

ImALittlePea · 27/04/2022 12:16

I'd go, unless it meant cancelling something else you already have on. It's a couple of hours out of your day that matters to your DP and his family. My DH has refused to attend events with me before that weren't his cup of tea, but meant something to me, and it's isn't nice to feel that your SO won't make occasional concessions on their time for you.

10HailMarys · 27/04/2022 12:23

Pretty stunned at how many people say they wouldn't give up two hours of their time on one afternoon of the year to do something with their in-laws just because it's not really their thing. If you were being asked to go every Sunday or even once a month or something, that would be different, but it's one game. I can see why your DP's disappointed - he wants you to be part of his family and one afternoon isn't a lot to ask of you.

It's a Sunday league match, so it's not going to be hectic or crowded like a big game is. It will be people mostly milling around and chatting while the football's going on, in all likelihood. If it's a thing where everyone's encouraged to bring family and kids and so on, there'll probably be refreshments available. If it's at a place with a clubhouse there might also be a bar.

Two of my in-laws are in a band and I've been to see them play at a local festival thing with my DP and MIL - it's not really my thing and if someone said 'Would you rather go and watch A and B playing at a gig on a recreation ground, or would you rather stay at home with your feet up reading a book?' I would certainly have preferred the latter. But of course I went to the bloody band thing, because it was a family get-together, I like my in-laws and I know DP would do (and has done) things for me with my family that wouldn't be his top choice of activity either. That's pretty standard in a healthy relationship, I think.

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