Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to watch adult BILs play football

136 replies

Olive180 · 26/04/2022 18:11

DP (36) is from a big football family, and two of his younger brothers play in the same local team (just a bog standard Sunday league). It's their end of season tournament or something next Sunday and DP is going to watch with MIL, FIL, two sets of grandparents, and the partners of both BILs. I dont want to spend a sunny Sunday of my weekend watching random men run around a field. DP isn't usually one for couple 'obligations' but seems really disappointed I feel this way, and is sad that I don't want to go on this family day out, which is apparently a tradition for them.

Aibu? If DP was playing I'd happily go and watch, but he's not!

OP posts:
Original poster
Olive180 · 27/04/2022 00:08

I'm a member of a swimming club and certainly wouldn't expect his brothers to come and watch me swim?!

OP posts:
saraclara · 27/04/2022 00:32

That's quite different from watching a football match though. Spectating at a team is a normal and quite social thing to do.
I much preferred watching my DD's football and netball games, to her gym competitions. During football family members are 'on' all the time, and there's a camaraderie among the onlookers.
With swimming and gym competitions, they go on forever but your family member is only out there for a few minutes, and there's no camaraderie or socialising to speak of.

saraclara · 27/04/2022 00:33

Spectating at a team SPORT, even.

TheUsualChaos · 27/04/2022 00:42

I wouldn't want to go either but it does sound like your DH really wants you to be included as part of the family and it's important to him. It's only a couple of hours. Surely being part of a partnership means sometimes doing things for someone even if it's not what you would choose. Haven't you ever taken him to things that he wouldn't have spent his time doing by choice?

ozymandiusking · 27/04/2022 00:51

We call it Fuckball in our house. I absolutely loathe Fuckball. I wouldn't be seen dead at a match. Go some where else and have a lovely day out.

DailySheetWasher · 27/04/2022 01:08

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer.... putting yourself first sometimes is perfectly ok, putting your partner's needs/desires ahead of your own sometimes is also ok!

I don't really understand how anyone could be passionately for or against in this situation, unless there's already an imbalance of time/consideration within the relationship.

VintageVest · 27/04/2022 01:10

YANBU. Not a chance in hell. I'd offer to join them afterwards for a drink or whatever.

Indicatrice · 27/04/2022 02:56

YANBU, it sounds dull. As usual most of AIBU tell a woman to ignore her own wishes and support the menz.

PinkSyCo · 27/04/2022 05:13

If you don’t want to go, and you aren’t bothered that your partner is sad about you not going then don’t go. 🤷🏻‍♀️

saraclara · 27/04/2022 07:32

Indicatrice · 27/04/2022 02:56

YANBU, it sounds dull. As usual most of AIBU tell a woman to ignore her own wishes and support the menz.

It's not that at all, and MN absolutely doesn't generally tell women to support their menz with sports stuff.

If this thread was reversed and a woman was just asking for a couple of hours of her husband's time to attend a family get together that meant something to her, and he refused, MNers would be calling him all the names under the sun.

Whatever their sex, if a someone can't put their preferences aside for a couple of hours to support their partner (or kids or other family member) then it's pretty sad, same as it would be of that person wasn't prepared to do so for them on a different occasion.

AuntieMarys · 27/04/2022 07:38

I was expected to do this in my previous life...but it was cricket. 😱
Hours and hours.

EggBurger · 27/04/2022 08:08

I wouldn't go but then my dh would collude with me to get me out of it. He knows I loathe football with a passion.

Lalliella · 27/04/2022 08:12

I would go. Football tournaments are fun, they’re better than watching long matches. It would be sociable with all those family members there and you might even get a suntan! Plus it’s nice to join in with a family tradition.

mynameisbrian · 27/04/2022 08:13

Well your relationship with the family will change if you can’t be arsed with their family tradition. A couple of hours on a Sunday on rare occasion isn’t a lot to ask. Given everyone is going including others partners your absence won’t go unnoticed . But hey ho your choice -

billy1966 · 27/04/2022 08:14

If it was a one off and I liked his family I would suck it up, despite loathing soccer.

If it was a pattern of him asking you to spend time with people you don't care for, then it would be No thanks, I have other things to do on a sunny Sunday.

saraclara · 27/04/2022 08:17

DP isn't usually one for couple 'obligations' but seems really disappointed I feel this way, and is sad that I don't want to go on this family day out, which is apparently a tradition for them.

I think the first line of that is very relevant. This is a one off. The DH isn't generally demanding of OP's presence at stuff. There's no pattern here, is just something he'd like her to be part of for a couple of hours.
There will be no shortage of people for OP to chat with on the touchline and the weather is going to be fine. It's really not a huge ask, when he doesn't normally expect this sort of stuff.

EggBurger · 27/04/2022 08:18

A couple of hours on a Sunday on rare occasion isn’t a lot to ask
Is a tournament just a couple of hours, or an all day thing? Do you have to stand around the whole time? That's what I'd want to know.

GaspingGekko · 27/04/2022 08:18

I think this is pretty sad actually. Yes I hate football. Yes I would hate to stand and watch the match. But sometimes we do things we wouldn't choose to do because it means something to someone we love.
If he were asking you to go to all the matches I'd agree. But one afternoon is hardly asking the world of you.

Lollypop701 · 27/04/2022 08:21

youR dh wants you to attend a family event for a couple of hours. You 2 can go for lunch after. We all do family stuff we wouldn’t choose to do on our own. I’d go

Copperpottle · 27/04/2022 08:30

God no. I don't do anything remotely football and wouldn't even pretend. People who insist others attend their boring things are rude. They're not 7 and need mummy waving at them.

I'd sack it off without a second thought.

hanahsaunt · 27/04/2022 08:31

Tournament sounds like a very long affair with multiple matches 😱. I struggled to watch my children play far less random adults. I would probably go to be seen to be making an effort but would absolutely be taking camping chair, layers, flask of coffee, lovely snacks and my book to park at the side, offer my presence but not necessarily my attention.

Copperpottle · 27/04/2022 08:35

saraclara · 27/04/2022 07:32

It's not that at all, and MN absolutely doesn't generally tell women to support their menz with sports stuff.

If this thread was reversed and a woman was just asking for a couple of hours of her husband's time to attend a family get together that meant something to her, and he refused, MNers would be calling him all the names under the sun.

Whatever their sex, if a someone can't put their preferences aside for a couple of hours to support their partner (or kids or other family member) then it's pretty sad, same as it would be of that person wasn't prepared to do so for them on a different occasion.

Show quote history

It's rude to ask others to attend boring shit just because it means something to you, whether you're male or female. She isn't even married or closely connected to anyone playing.

People's time is important. Do your own thing, pursue your own interests, but asking people who aren't interested to traipse along 'because you would if you loved me' is ill mannered.

gannett · 27/04/2022 08:36

Hate watching football. My loathing of it would have been established by the second date with DP and expectations set accordingly.

However a casual match isn't the same as a professional one. I couldn't be arsed with cheering from the sidelines or paying attention to the game but I'd be happy to make a beeline for any other football sceptics in the family and have a natter and a few drinks with them. Think of it as a family social event that happens to have a backdrop of a boring game.

If there was no one in the family like this and if I'd be expected to do enthusiastic cheering I would definitely opt out.

saraclara · 27/04/2022 08:42

Think of it as a family social event that happens to have a backdrop of a boring game.

Exactly. OP has already said that she's close to the brothers who are playing and really likes the family. So it's really just about sitting/standing around and chatting, surely. She doesn't have to stand on the touchline watching every second and meeting forced to analyse it. The game is just the catalyst for the family getting together. There's no reason at all why it shouldn't be fun when these are people that OP likes a lot.

EggBurger · 27/04/2022 09:12

I''d be happy to make a beeline for any other football sceptics in the family and have a natter and a few drinks with them

Under those circumstances I'd do it, but they don't always play somewhere there is a bar.