To ask how to get DD to eat?

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My 6 year old DD just doesn't like eating. She's underweight but apparently perfectly healthy. The doctors have checked her thoroughly. All fine. She just doesn't like eating. I'm tired of the battle at every meal time and I know they make the problem worse. But if we don't push her to eat she literally will starve herself (we tried...). She can't afford to lose more weight. It seems like we've tried everything. Letting her choose, no pressure, lots of pressure, gentle reminders, timers, reward chart, rewards, punishments, cooking together, watching videos, etc.

What worked the best was feeding her while she watches videos but I really don't want to do that.

Any other ideas?

She isn't even keen on junk food. Her Easter chocolates are almost untouched. The only thing she seems to love are cucumber sticks of all things😶

Sounds really stressful and mealtimes can't be much fun. Will she drink milk? You could give her higher calorie drinks made from milk (can blend milk and yogurt or ice cream to make a milkshake) and give her several per day then try and relax more about how much she is eating knowing she is getting the goodness from that? Perhaps by removing some of the anxiety at mealtimes she might feel more relaxed and willing to eat. Does she have foods she likes better or have you asked her what she would like to eat?

although I know you don’t like it, I’d go with eating meals while watching videos since that works for her.
DS is autistic and eats so much better if he’s in front of the tv, which is something we’d always said we wouldn’t do. We were going to all sit round the table as a family, but he would barely eat then we’d battle to get him to stay and eat more while ours went cold. He eats fairly well if he’s distracted by something and isn’t really noticing how much and what he’s eating. He’s another that would actually starve himself, and imo it’s not worth battling to get him eating anywhere else.

Why don't you want her to watch videos while she eats? What's a greater priority than getting her to eat enough?

We sometimes do TV, like while feeding yoghurt but with meals we play. Esp this time of year. Get outside and literally feed bites as doing an activity.

If she's watching videos I have to feed her and keep reminding her every two minutes to chew as she gets so engrossed in what she's watching. It's not easy that way either. Also I have a baby that I need to feed at the same time.. I don't know maybe that still is the best option.

Yes, we often do picnics and she loves them (still won't eat though).

If she'll eat in front of the TV, then I'd do at least half your meals like that and then the rest as proper family meals. The most important thing is that she gets sufficient nutrition.

Will she drink milk? If so, I'd make sure she has at least a couple of cups of full-fat milk a day to plug any deficiencies in her diet. Also, that she takes a daily vitamin.

Can you try giving her small amounts of high calorie food throughout the day? So cheese and crackers, peanut butter toast etc. Then maybe you'd feel you could focus less on what she eats at dinner time, which would be less stressful for everyone.

Give her foods she likes, with the odd extra food to try. Leave the food out so she can come back to it. Multi vitamin, if she drinks - milk, fruit milkshakes, smoothies. Blend veg into gravy or sauce if she will eat it. Let her watch telly if it distract. Give lots of finger foods. Three meals, snacks and supper. No argument, bribery. Just put it out.

So she has a daily multivitamin pediasure (high calorie milk shake kind of drink) once a day usually though her pediatrician didn't reallY recommend it. I give her a cup of milk every night, which she sometimes has. I've tried the 5% gold top one (I mean jersey milk or Cornish cream) but she doesn't like it so we just do full fat. Also high fat yogurts and I add a lot of butter and olive oil to her food. She barely snacks and if at all just fruits or things like cucumber.

Will she cook/bake with you?
Could you spend some time looking at some recipes together, shop together and cook together. Mine would always it better if they had been involved in making it.
Fortify what she will eat with cream, butter, cheese. Make your own pasta sauces, you can hide a lot of veggies in it!

Yes, we've tried just putting the food in front of her and letting her decide when to eat what but after a few days of barely eating I always panic and cave. She can't afford to lose more weight so I'm loathe to experiment.

There are a few things that she will eat at least a bit of (ie rice with butter). Maybe I should just give her that every day..she quite happily eats vegetables thankfully so that's not an issue. I pour a lot of olive oil on them to get more for my buck. I just wish she ate more of high calorie food.

Have they checked her iron levels? Low iron can really suppress appetite. The easiest iron supplement I found was Spatone - the apple Flavored one.

Yes she loves baking and we bake lots together. We also make pizza and bread together. She won't eat any of it though. Especially cake she doesn't like. Any cake. Or cookies. (Me and DH end up eating everything. We love our food. Especially sweet stuff🙄

Yes they have. We had her blood test results checked over by several pediatricians as well and they all said that everything is right bang in the normal range. She was also tested for coeliac, b12 deficiency and other things I can't remember. They did very thorough bloods on her and both her doctors and us are satisfied now that clinically there is nothing wrong with her. It must be psychological. I've asked for a referral to a children's behaviour specialist or even a nutritionist but the pediatrician said that our chances of seeing anyone are pretty much zero. DD isn't a serious enough case.

I'm just looking at the spatone website. It says it's suitable for children but you have to consult your healthcare provider first, which makes sense of course. Since she doesn't have a deficiency though I doubt they'll recommend it.

Your first priority is to get calories into her ...........give her things she will eat even if it's the same every day. Once she is eating more you can change your focus to try and expand the range of foods she eats.

I was like this as a kid. Hated food. Being 'forced' to eat by my mum made me physically sick. I was clearly anorexic & still today have an unhealthy relationship with food.
Other than cucumber, is there anything else she'll tolerate? Super noodles? Hot dogs? At this stage, I wouldn't concentrate on the healthy options, just as long as she eats something. What about cereal? Ready Brek or porridge?

If she'll eat rice with butter and some veg I'd do that every day. Not as extreme but my DS had 6 foods he would eat when he was little. I let him have them (to the disapproval of many) and over a long period of time he began to eat some of what was on offer from our meals. His was more sensory though, hated smell and texture of unknown foods. But my point is that a very limited range of foods doesn't necessarily equal poor diet. It will also give you the reassurance that calories are going in and hopefully allow you to relax and feign indifference.

By the way DS is now a strapping 18 yr old who eats everything under the sun!

Feed her what she'll eat.

If it's rice with butter and veggies then feed her that. For DS is cheese on toast. We stretch now to cheese sandwiches. I can add bits on the side but only limited things. Red apples and sultanas are the only fruit so capitalise on the fact she will eat them. And then feed her some yoghurt whilst she watches telly or mouthfuls are she's running around playing etc
He however likes junk so I have to monitor that but he doesn't have a huge appetite.

I feel for you, my 9 yo DD is exactly the same. Even her favourite food is pushed aside with ‘I’ve had enough’ after a few bites. She won’t have milk shakes or puddings either. We were under a dietician for a while but have been discharged as they’ve come to the conclusion that’s just the way she is. She’s very tall and slim, BMI is below 1st centile but she’s full of energy, I don’t know she does it.

Little and often can help. Regular small snacks and letting her ‘graze’ throughout the day rather than big meals. If she ever asks for food, whatever it is, I rarely say no.

Hi OP
our DS was / can still be an awfully picky eater. He has ADHD. Eating is of no interest to him. His ADHD interests are all gaming or football related. He'll bake, make soup/ pasta etc but he won't eat anything home-made. He'll stuff his face with crap though if given the chance.

It may be something to consider? you haven't mentioned anything like this.

Wishing you well. Hope you manage to make some steps in the right direction.

I have found protein shakes/ meal replacement shakes go down well as a snack and now he's a teenager he won't starve himself at all.

I wonder does she have any sensory issues ? Is it textures or flavours or something ? Have you considered if an OT Zoe speech therapist with interest in feeding and sensory integration might be of use

I was reading something today saying cucumber is actually very nutritious.

If you are soaking things in oil and butter maybe that's putting her off ?

A friends son will only eat peanut butter from the jar with a spoon and rode with carrot in it with gravy. He has ASD. He occasionally asks for meat, but then won't eat it but it's a start.

Yes I think you are all right. Just need to give her again and again the few options she likes. She quite likes green vegetables so I often give her steamed vegetables with a bowl of rice with butter or yogurt. Sometimes she'll have an egg which at least hits all the major food groups even if her quantities are very small and it's very repetitive. Sometimes she'll have pasta.

Or maybe we need to reintroduce videos again but I really rather not. As I said I need to feed her then as well, and to be honest the sound of law patrol or whatever screeches in the background drives me bonkers. And I don't think it's great for the babY but then of course: priorities....