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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how to get DD to eat?

89 replies

EmptyBites · 25/04/2022 19:50

My 6 year old DD just doesn't like eating. She's underweight but apparently perfectly healthy. The doctors have checked her thoroughly. All fine. She just doesn't like eating. I'm tired of the battle at every meal time and I know they make the problem worse. But if we don't push her to eat she literally will starve herself (we tried...). She can't afford to lose more weight. It seems like we've tried everything. Letting her choose, no pressure, lots of pressure, gentle reminders, timers, reward chart, rewards, punishments, cooking together, watching videos, etc.

What worked the best was feeding her while she watches videos but I really don't want to do that.

Any other ideas?

OP posts:
RonObvious · 02/05/2022 19:30

I’ve got one completely uninterested in food (underweight), and another obsessed with food (overweight). So that makes life interesting! Both have ASD, but in completely opposite ways.

My food avoider hates the feeling of being full, so we have food on offer all the time. If he’s hungry, he can eat, and we will let him have the food next to him while he does other activities, as he is a very slow eater. Any meals he will go to town on (for him it is pizza - used to be pasta as well, but apparently that’s off his list now), we will make frequently, in large quantities, with ample leftovers that he can help himself to. We’ll often give him a bowl of cereal or toast before bed as well. Low blood sugar is a nightmare, as then he won’t eat anything at all, and will probably meltdown. So, not letting him get too hungry helps. (Of course, this is all the exact opposite of what my other child needs!).

RonObvious · 02/05/2022 19:32

Oh, and you can always harness the power of advertising too - anything he has seen in an advert, or on YouTube is far more likely to be tried!

PaddlingLikeADuck · 02/05/2022 19:53

As another stressed out mother, I feel your pain.

My son is almost 5 and meal times have been a battle from when he was about 1 year old.

It takes about an hour to eat a meal, and that is filled with blackmailing, anger and desperate pleas…..just anything to try and get him to eat.

He’s on the 12th percentile for height and weight so it’s not particularly extreme but he’s so obviously much smaller than his peers.

We find that letting him watch videos/TV to distract him is the best way of getting food into him but I’m aware it’s a bad habit to get in to, and it also means I’m either having to constantly remind him to eat or I have to feed him.

He prefers bland food but he will eat curry and lasagne and other home cooked meals when pushed too.

I think he has a bit of a sensory issue going on as he can gag on food quite a lot, sometimes to turn point he vomits - but that’s very, very rare.

I know it must be behavioural because he’d eat chocolate all day long if I let him.

His childminder has expressed concerns about his eating and says it’s getting worse. I’m dreading him going to school.

I don’t really have any words of advice because there’s nothing I can suggest that you’ve not already tried or are already doing.

I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am you’re going through this, unless someone has a true ‘picky eater’ they cannot understand how emotionally worrying and draining it is.

If you have the funds then I would pay to do private to see a SALT and/or dietician. That’s what me and my husband are nearly at the point of doing.

Lougle · 02/05/2022 19:54

It's tricky. DD1 was always like this. Eventually we got to teenage years and she developed an aversion to food so had to be admitted to hospital for a few days. She was 162cm and 37.5kg. She needed a medication to turn things around. Now she's a healthy weight and although she'll never be a massive eater, she eats enough to maintain her weight.

CrabbyCat · 02/05/2022 20:14

My DC are not properly underweight but all would rather get down and play than finish eating dinner, and left to their own devices they'd only realise they hadn't had enough dinner when they woke in the middle of the night hungry. They are particularly bad at doing this when tired.

We do a sit down meal together where we try and encourage them to eat but don't fight them into it. Most nights, a little later the TV goes on, and if needed we feed them more dinner. I've also fed them whilst reading them storied, and if it's late we sometimes feed them in the bath. The time gap between the to dinner halves also helps with getting them to eat. We find it more bearable feeding in front of the TV when we've had a chance to eat properly, and it means you still model the sitting at a table bit, would it be something to consider?

Original poster
EmptyBites · 02/05/2022 20:16

PaddlingLikeADuck · 02/05/2022 19:53

As another stressed out mother, I feel your pain.

My son is almost 5 and meal times have been a battle from when he was about 1 year old.

It takes about an hour to eat a meal, and that is filled with blackmailing, anger and desperate pleas…..just anything to try and get him to eat.

He’s on the 12th percentile for height and weight so it’s not particularly extreme but he’s so obviously much smaller than his peers.

We find that letting him watch videos/TV to distract him is the best way of getting food into him but I’m aware it’s a bad habit to get in to, and it also means I’m either having to constantly remind him to eat or I have to feed him.

He prefers bland food but he will eat curry and lasagne and other home cooked meals when pushed too.

I think he has a bit of a sensory issue going on as he can gag on food quite a lot, sometimes to turn point he vomits - but that’s very, very rare.

I know it must be behavioural because he’d eat chocolate all day long if I let him.

His childminder has expressed concerns about his eating and says it’s getting worse. I’m dreading him going to school.

I don’t really have any words of advice because there’s nothing I can suggest that you’ve not already tried or are already doing.

I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am you’re going through this, unless someone has a true ‘picky eater’ they cannot understand how emotionally worrying and draining it is.

If you have the funds then I would pay to do private to see a SALT and/or dietician. That’s what me and my husband are nearly at the point of doing.

Oh I'm sorry you are struggling with this too. DD is on a similar centile for height and she's a head or more smaller than every other child in her year group. Some of the kids keep pointing it out to her as well how tiny she is so she isn't happy at all about that.

What's salt?

OP posts:
Original poster
EmptyBites · 02/05/2022 20:17

Lougle · 02/05/2022 19:54

It's tricky. DD1 was always like this. Eventually we got to teenage years and she developed an aversion to food so had to be admitted to hospital for a few days. She was 162cm and 37.5kg. She needed a medication to turn things around. Now she's a healthy weight and although she'll never be a massive eater, she eats enough to maintain her weight.

That sounds scary. What did the medication do? Glad she's better again.

OP posts:
lljkk · 02/05/2022 20:22

`How underweight for height is she, OP?

Original poster
EmptyBites · 02/05/2022 20:26

lljkk · 02/05/2022 20:22

`How underweight for height is she, OP?

With the most recent weight loss she's between the first and second centile.

OP posts:
Original poster
EmptyBites · 02/05/2022 20:30

lljkk · 02/05/2022 20:22

`How underweight for height is she, OP?

I looked it up again. Sie she's on 2.2nd centile for weight and on the 17.7th for height.

OP posts:
PaddlingLikeADuck · 02/05/2022 20:53

What's salt?

SALT is Speech and Language Therapist and despite their name, a huge part of their role is also to do with sucking, tongue movements, swallowing, managing feeding aversions etc.

Lougle · 02/05/2022 21:59

@EmptyBites she has learning disabilities and had got into a cycle of thinking food was bad for her. The medicine calmed her mind to allow her to eat. Once she was taking it she realised she was (quite literally) starving, so willingly ate.

Campania · 02/05/2022 23:22

Lougle · 02/05/2022 21:59

@EmptyBites she has learning disabilities and had got into a cycle of thinking food was bad for her. The medicine calmed her mind to allow her to eat. Once she was taking it she realised she was (quite literally) starving, so willingly ate.

Thanks for explaining!!

toddlercoaster · 15/02/2023 20:39

@EmptyBites I know this is an old thread. I am going through the same with my DD1 who is 4yrs old. Just wanted to know has your DD outgrown the fussy eating?

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