To ask how to get DD to eat?

[EmptyBites]

My 6 year old DD just doesn't like eating. She's underweight but apparently perfectly healthy. The doctors have checked her thoroughly. All fine. She just doesn't like eating. I'm tired of the battle at every meal time and I know they make the problem worse. But if we don't push her to eat she literally will starve herself (we tried...). She can't afford to lose more weight. It seems like we've tried everything. Letting her choose, no pressure, lots of pressure, gentle reminders, timers, reward chart, rewards, punishments, cooking together, watching videos, etc.

What worked the best was feeding her while she watches videos but I really don't want to do that.

Any other ideas?

Thanks. Am looking into arfid.

She isn't too bad with variety actually. At least she eats most vegetables (Especially green ones). And she eats rice and pasta and sometimes bread, plain beans, and boiled eggs. So we can hit all food groups. The problem is with the quantity. You need to eat a lot of broccoli to get a decent amount of calories into you. 🙄

I think she just finds eating too unpleasant (maybe we habe put too much pressure on her to eat) and boring. A waste of time.

Haha just realised that I've enabled voting. I'm not even sure what the two Options should stand for. Err...am I being unreasonable to ask for advice? or unreasonable to worry about it? Or just generally unreasonable?🤔😆

In some cases, the person may not recognise that they are hungry in the way that others would, or they may generally have a poor appetite. For them, eating might seem a chore and not something that is enjoyed, resulting in them struggling to eat enough. Such people may have restricted intake because of low interest in eating.

The above is taken from the eating disorder website on arfid and exactly describes DD. It says you should contact your gp bit we've done that. I'm thinkin of going private but not sure whom we should see. A pediatric psychologist? Someone specialising in eating disorders?

I am pleased that the ARFID link was useful. My DD has ARFID and is now late teens. She is above average height now, slim but not skinny, and is bright, sociable, cheerful (usually!), creative and has a decent fitness level. She has been in good health through her childhood and teens. She still has a very restricted diet and finds this difficult because it is hard socially going out to eat. People are VERY judgemental, of her and when she was younger, of me. I think ARFID is something to be lived with rather than a defining characteristic though. What kept me sane was our fabulous NHS dietician who monitored DD and reassured and advised us. DD had a fortini prescription which added calories and nutrients and made a big difference. The health visitor did a dietician referral when DD was 2 but your GP should be able to refer you if you want to see a dietician.

One of mine had (and as an adult still has) very little interest in food.
What was a treat for the rest of us was almost stressful for her because she felt obliged to eat when she didn't feel like it just to go along with the rest of the family.
Food as fuel became a mantra. So From about 6 I stopped encouraging her by making special foods and she could take or leave it. We always ate as a family by putting foods in the middle of the table. Also snacks: if the DC were playing in the garden, instead of chopping and prepping things, I'd put out a colander of washed berries and some little cookies and a jug of squash and if they wanted it they could have it. Interestingly when she didn't know anyone was paying attention and it wasn't 'time to eat' she'd drink when thirsty and eat when peckish.

I hope that your DD is the same and that as she gets older you can find a minimum you can both agree on so you can stop worrying and she can relax around food more. In the interim it sounds like you are making all the add alternatives available: all I would suggest is you keep an eye on her from a but if a distance for a while to calm the whole issue down.

Hi again, - I don't have any experience of ARFID but knew of it because one of my DCs has had an eating disorder. Google Eva Musby for website & background and also YouTube. I think you may find the you tube videos & some of her ideas about coaching children to eat useful - at least in terms of lowering stress about mealtimes & eating while you look for an appropriate expert / other advice.

I was like this as a child. My parents struggled so much to get me to eat. I remember always feeling sick whenever I tried to eat, I just didn't want to. There were a few things I'd eat - hard boiled eggs, honey or jam sandwiches... As far as I know they just let me eat those things, or not eat much at all. It all changed when I hit puberty, and these days as a grown woman I love food and struggle to lose weight 😅

Just a thought … have you had her teeth and jaw looked at to see if her chewing is working properly

DS (12) isn’t much of an eater. Even as a baby, he’d BF for about 5mins then lose interest, I ended up taking him to A&E I was so worried, especially as friends kept telling me about their babies that would feed for mammoth, hour long sessions.

At 12, he still has zero interest in food, he eats about half of what his 10y old sister does and I have to nag him to manage that. Yesterday, he had no breakfast, had 7am swim squad, PE, then 1.5hrs athletics training and out of his packed lunch, he’d eaten the Frube, a cereal bar and a banana. I’ve come to the conclusion he’s just not got much of an appetite. His dad generally only eats once a day and quite often doesn’t eat at all for a couple of days as he just forgets, so maybe it’s a genetic thing.

DS is slim, but competes at a high level in a number of sports and his lack of appetite doesn’t seem to impact his performance, so I’m trying hard to back off a bit. He does like protein shakes (you can get some called ProTeen which are specifically aimed at children), and I make smoothies with full fat milk, frozen berries, banana, honey and greek yoghurt. It does bother me, but he seems perfectly healthy, so I’d suggest just keep offering the foods she likes, little and often so she doesn’t feel overwhelmed and maybe add a protein shake or smoothie to increase the calories a bit.

Will she eat salted Peanuts, peanut butter on toast?

ds is a rake at the minute (adhd meds, he’s about to swap to a different one) he’s waiting on a dietician appointment and nutrition shakes prescribed but in the mean time I’m shoveling peanuts and peanut butter down his neck, his consultant approved as they are calorific.

Hes autistic too and barely eats, but eats these every day.

another thing we do at the minute, 6 o clock supper which he refers to as a bedtime feast 🤣 1 go ahead bar, 2 bananas and a hot chocolate made with full fat milk.

Oh and I walk to cooplands 10 mins every day for 5 cheese straws as he only eats them fresh, he eats these every day at the minute so I’ll do it for as long as he’s co operating, his diet isn’t healthy by any stretch (he does eat a bit of fruit that’s about the only goodness) but all I care about is calories for now, he looks asif he will snap.

Just weighed DD. Rather than gaining weight she's lost another few hundred grams, which means she's below the second centile again. I just want to cry. Should I go back to the GP? I don't think there's anything else they can do.

She sometimes says that she finds something difficult to chew (like nuts). I'd assumed she's just uninterested but I'll ask that dentist at our next visit. Thanks.

Maybe it is time to go back to the Gp - if she is losing weight.
More structure around meals may help - eg this is the time we are eating. We sit and we eat and we talk. I expect you to eat - whatever small portion you have given her. Because even if we don’t feel like eating our bodies need it to be strong and to play etc.
Even if the go says it will be a long wait bring your evidence- food diary of what she has eaten and also evidence of lost weight.
also ask for a referral to speech and language - I think they can also help with food (I could be wrong)

Ds had a total lack of interest in food, only ate to survive but not to thrive. Had no favourite foods and if not prompted would not eat. We were also under the hospital and it was a case of offering highest calorie of everything, butter, cream etc. I made no issue of it as much as I could and offered food little and often, he was never swayed by treat food. School were supportive and never pushed him to finish his food. At age 13 it all began to change, he started to want foods, he had never been fussy but slowly he began to eat more. He at 15 is now a normal weight, fit and sporty. I look back at photos and he was gaunt and thin and I used to really worry. People would say just give him sweets, but he had no interest in them! Keep on with the GP and hospital.

My dd was somewhat like this. She's 15 now. She's always moved a lot. She walked very early and as a young child she was always busy.

She was and is always underweight. Her knickers are age nine. She's in no way a fussy eater, she eats the full compliment of fruits vegetables and proteins but she is a small eater. The only food she just won't eat is Yorkshire puddings but she's not attracted to high calorie foods at all. Like your dd she just can't be bothered to eat a biscuit and definitely not an Easter egg.

We used to have to take her for dietitian appointments at the hospital but they just used to tell us to put cheese on things.

Anyway, she's still very skinny but she's perfectly healthy as far as I can tell. She's very sporty and she eats her meals. She just isn't that interested in food.

Yes I used to say that but the problem is that she talks. And talks and talks. She can talk for England and never stops. You can't talk and eat at the same time..sometimes I say I talk and you listen or dh and me talk but then she gets bored and distracts herself with something else.

The thing with the GP is I don't think there's anything else they can do short of referring us for psychological help or a nutritionist (both of which would take years apparently so we'd be better off seeing someone privately)m they've done all the tests they can think of. She is ckinicsllyy fine. They keep telling me to not worry and that at some point she will eat. Maybe she will but of course I worry. I worry it's affecting her stamina, energy and strength and I worry that it's affecting her height. She's tiny. The pediatrician said her height is proportional to her weight but what if that's not true? What if the lack of nutrition is causing a lack of growth?

I'll find about speech and language therapist. Thanks for the tip.

@EmptyBites does she ever actually feel/says she's hungry?

Very, very rarely. I can't remember the last time she said it. Even if she hasn't eaten for ages and has done tons of sport.

@EmptyBites that's the hardest thing to overcome with kids like that... I had one of those. Nothing really worked because she simply wasn't hungry.

I'm on the other side of it now and ironically not only does DD feel hunger now that she's older, she even gets hangry.

What I did (half of it wrong by today's/professional standards). Set meal times every single day , when she first started signs of hunger it was around the times she would normally be fed,especially lunch.

Small portions, but she had to eat more than when she said she was full(never full plate). So if she was "full" after 3 bites, I asked her to do 3 more, or one more carrot, or to this line.This increased in time.

Snacks on offer all day,if she wanted it she could have it, but often needed reminders.

We also had cartoons on and yeah it was painful "keep eating" "I am" "chew" "i am" "swallow" "I am". Took fucking ages.

Some kind of reward /exciting activity for after so that she would hurry up a bit. Again with reminders. "I'll play guess who with you after dinner,but look it's already 5:20 and you're going for quiet time at 6, so it's up to you how long you want to play for". Or take an ice lolly out towards the end and say she could have it, but she had to hurry otherwise it will melt. Yes I'm a dick.

As she grew she had a set time in which to eat ,then food would go. It worked really well with the foods she really loved. In time it became habit and nothing took an hour and a half anymore.

She mostly got offered things she actually liked /enjoyed the taste of. So she got "something " out of it.

We had the same issue, she was never hungry, she'd rather chat,sing,play ,count the white dots on the ceiling. On top of that she was fussy as fuck too. The kid was 3 before she accepted pancakes as a good thing. At her worst she had two weeks with a bag of crisps (the small multipack ones) and an icecream a day.

Eventually we made progress and she eats a lot better now,in a reasonable amount of time ,doesn't need a screen or a treat/reward anymore and like I said,the most important thing she actually gets hungry which helps enormously. It took a lot of work,a strict routine, and probably many mistakes on my part.

I still get flashbacks/get really worried when she's ill and barely eats in case we go back to that.

Just have to say. Thanks so much everyone for the inputs. Lots of good suggestions and it's reassuring to know we are not alone (though I'm sorry that others have struggled as well). This is Mumsnet at its best I think. People at its best. Getting soppy now but just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone. Even though I don't reply to every post I read everything and I really appreciate that people are taking time out to help!!

I do the 5 spoons more thing as well..in the hope of maybe expanding her stomach..sometimes I feel bad though..I know it's not fun to eat when you feel full already.

I like the idea of set times so.maybe her biological clock can give her hunger cues. Things are a bit hard at the moment because we are moving house, have had a baby, dh is not well so everything is a bit messy and disorganised, which doesn't help (though her eating issues precede all of this).

Things are a bit hard at the moment because we are moving house, have had a baby, dh is not well so everything is a bit messy and disorganised, which doesn't help (though her eating issues precede all of this).

Oh jeese, that sounds exhausting and very difficult to navigate so I don't blame you.
I only had one kid and settled and it was still very hard work.

I'd say for not just offer snacks,all day . You can try more calorific ones . "Hey , x let's have an icecream/Actimel/muffin/cheese stick/whatever". It would be easier to manage in the chaos,plus some things can be eaten on the go, while you read her story, watch something,she's playing. Lots of snacks frequently, might still amount to more than her meals and she might not realise she's being "fed". Then you can be a lot more lax with actual meals. This might actually have a positive impact on her weight/eating habits.

Once things are more settled, if snacking shows no improvement either in weight (maintaining is a positive) or eating behaviours, then make a plan with the advice from posters that you think might work/you can implement consistently and stick to it.

I'd also try and build on what she already likes. So for example rice and butter. Ok how about a rissotto with some veg thrown in? Or a bit of grilled chicken. Maybe milk and rice puddings either home made or bought. Little rice only sushi bits. And so on.

My younger dc are both like this, completely uninterested in food. PIL think they’re really naughty and it’s because they’ve been snacking all day no matter how many times we explain that ALL they have had that day is half a brioche and a few bites of apple.

My 6 year old is just starting to get a bit better, she’s now hungry for breakfast and will eat a full piece of toast and a pain au chocolat. Lunch is still painful but she’ll usually eat a 1 slice of bread sandwich. Dinner is excruciating still. She’ll eat a variety of things but such a tiny amount. Even meals she loves she’ll start off well then have had enough a few mouthfuls in and need coaxing and chivvying for every bite, also needs reminding to chew and swallow once it has actually made it into her mouth. I just wish we could have a mealtime where we all sat down and everyone just ate their food!

Just catching up - I'm sorry she's lost a bit of weight - in terms of centiles has she always been this low? If she's off her growth curve - weight and height - then I think you definitely have a case to go back to the GP. And basically you will have to shout very loudly (metaphorically!) until you get some help. Sadly all the services are under funded and under resourced but if she is maintaining normal for her that's one thing, falling off her centiles is different and they should try and help you.