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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how to get DD to eat?

89 replies

EmptyBites · 25/04/2022 19:50

My 6 year old DD just doesn't like eating. She's underweight but apparently perfectly healthy. The doctors have checked her thoroughly. All fine. She just doesn't like eating. I'm tired of the battle at every meal time and I know they make the problem worse. But if we don't push her to eat she literally will starve herself (we tried...). She can't afford to lose more weight. It seems like we've tried everything. Letting her choose, no pressure, lots of pressure, gentle reminders, timers, reward chart, rewards, punishments, cooking together, watching videos, etc.

What worked the best was feeding her while she watches videos but I really don't want to do that.

Any other ideas?

OP posts:
Philandbill · 25/04/2022 22:31

You might find it useful to Google ARFID OP. There's also something about it here. www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leicestershire-59688396.amp

Original poster
EmptyBites · 25/04/2022 22:38

citychick · 25/04/2022 22:04

Hi OP
our DS was / can still be an awfully picky eater. He has ADHD. Eating is of no interest to him. His ADHD interests are all gaming or football related. He'll bake, make soup/ pasta etc but he won't eat anything home-made. He'll stuff his face with crap though if given the chance.

It may be something to consider? you haven't mentioned anything like this.

Wishing you well. Hope you manage to make some steps in the right direction.

I have found protein shakes/ meal replacement shakes go down well as a snack and now he's a teenager he won't starve himself at all.

To be honest I worry about thst. she struggles to sit still at the dinner table and I don't insist on that as i don't want to make dinner even more unpleasant for that.. So she runs around, plays with the baby or just does this and that. And she talks non stop. I think what happens is that she spends so much time talking or moving about after the first bite that her brain gets satiety signals too early.

She doesn't show any other signs of ADHD but then I'm diagnosed with ADHD so it's a possibility. 😔

OP posts:
Original poster
EmptyBites · 25/04/2022 22:41

scatteredglitter · 25/04/2022 22:20

I wonder does she have any sensory issues ? Is it textures or flavours or something ? Have you considered if an OT Zoe speech therapist with interest in feeding and sensory integration might be of use

I don't think so..I have asked her and she just says she doesn't to eat or that it's boring.

I've never heard of Zoe speech therapy..will look it up.

OP posts:
Moomeh · 25/04/2022 22:46

You've probably already tried these but they haven't been mentioned already so here goes

  • blending everything into a sauce (my older sister went through a phase around 11yo where literally everything she ate had to be blended and she'd eat it with a spoon, ew)
  • interesting textures like spiralising everything and doing it with spaghetti- I just did dinner this evening which was spiralised carrot and beetroot with spaghetti and a walnutty cheesy (bought) sauce, sounds rank but both dd and dh ate it, not too bad
  • compartmentalising everything into muffin holes in a tray, this is good for sensory sensitivity I was told
  • having colour themed meals eg our dinner this evening was pink (the beetroot boiled everything pink), but you could do an all-green meal by boiling spinach with rice etc
  • using cookie cutters to shape all the food into flower shapes (say - my grandma had a rabbit shape cookie cutter that she shaped slices of carrot with)

I can't think of any more right now but these could be fun

Moomeh · 25/04/2022 22:48

I have asked her and she just says she doesn't to eat or that it's boring.

I hope this is the actual reason, because it'll be fun for you too to make meals more fun! Everyone will win yay

Moomeh · 25/04/2022 22:52

I just remembered one more - you can get little heart shaped egg frying pans and toast branders to make eggs and/or toast more fun

Wilkolampshade · 25/04/2022 22:56

So between 3 and around 5 my DD1, ( now 22) went through 2 phases: 1/ would only eat circular foods, ie, Baby-bels, sandwiches stamped with a cookie cutter, tubby toast.... Then there was the 2/ 'will only eat whilst doing something else phase' ie: used to ride her trike round the table snatching a mouthful per lap.
If it's any consolation, last night she demolished miso glazed aubergines, sticky rice and sesame broccoli. It's most probably a phase and will pass. The telly thing really doesn't matter.

scatteredglitter · 25/04/2022 22:58

Apologies OP the Zoe in my previous post was a typo

kimfox · 25/04/2022 23:12

This must so difficult for you - it does sound like some kind of sensory problem / possibly ARFID so maybe check out this link too

www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/about-eating-disorders/types/arfid/

In the meantime carry on trying to get as much bang for your buck by adding fats where you can or liquid calories if she will tolerate those. At this stage, while you look for help you need to look after your own anxiety about this too as any type of eating problem is very hard for parents.

RedHelenB · 25/04/2022 23:15

What does she eat at school?

Hiphophippityskip1 · 26/04/2022 00:50

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

FatFilledTrottyPuss · 26/04/2022 00:59

Philandbill · 25/04/2022 22:31

You might find it useful to Google ARFID OP. There's also something about it here. www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leicestershire-59688396.amp

I second this op. My ds has ARFID and sounds very similar. Make sure you try and keep her range of foods as wide as you can as children can drop ‘safe foods’ until they’re barely eating more than a few items like my boy. I wish I’d known about ARFID years ago as he’s down to only about 5 things now and it’s harder to introduce new foods than to keep them eating the same ones.

differentnameforthis · 26/04/2022 01:18

EmptyBites · 25/04/2022 19:50

My 6 year old DD just doesn't like eating. She's underweight but apparently perfectly healthy. The doctors have checked her thoroughly. All fine. She just doesn't like eating. I'm tired of the battle at every meal time and I know they make the problem worse. But if we don't push her to eat she literally will starve herself (we tried...). She can't afford to lose more weight. It seems like we've tried everything. Letting her choose, no pressure, lots of pressure, gentle reminders, timers, reward chart, rewards, punishments, cooking together, watching videos, etc.

What worked the best was feeding her while she watches videos but I really don't want to do that.

Any other ideas?

Feed her while she watched videos. If it's a way to get food into her, do it.

Original poster
EmptyBites · 26/04/2022 01:39

Philandbill · 25/04/2022 22:31

You might find it useful to Google ARFID OP. There's also something about it here. www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leicestershire-59688396.amp

Thanks will look into arfid.

OP posts:
Original poster
EmptyBites · 26/04/2022 01:42

Moomeh · 25/04/2022 22:46

You've probably already tried these but they haven't been mentioned already so here goes

  • blending everything into a sauce (my older sister went through a phase around 11yo where literally everything she ate had to be blended and she'd eat it with a spoon, ew)
  • interesting textures like spiralising everything and doing it with spaghetti- I just did dinner this evening which was spiralised carrot and beetroot with spaghetti and a walnutty cheesy (bought) sauce, sounds rank but both dd and dh ate it, not too bad
  • compartmentalising everything into muffin holes in a tray, this is good for sensory sensitivity I was told
  • having colour themed meals eg our dinner this evening was pink (the beetroot boiled everything pink), but you could do an all-green meal by boiling spinach with rice etc
  • using cookie cutters to shape all the food into flower shapes (say - my grandma had a rabbit shape cookie cutter that she shaped slices of carrot with)

I can't think of any more right now but these could be fun

Thanks moomeh for all the suggestions. I like the colour themed meals. We have used the cookie cutters and she found it exciting initially but now that's become boring too

OP posts:
Original poster
EmptyBites · 26/04/2022 01:49

kimfox · 25/04/2022 23:12

This must so difficult for you - it does sound like some kind of sensory problem / possibly ARFID so maybe check out this link too

www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/about-eating-disorders/types/arfid/

In the meantime carry on trying to get as much bang for your buck by adding fats where you can or liquid calories if she will tolerate those. At this stage, while you look for help you need to look after your own anxiety about this too as any type of eating problem is very hard for parents.

Yes thanks. Makes my heart bleed and I'm so worried it will (or has affected) affect her growth and development though the doctors aren't too worried. She's tiny. She's ver, short as well even though both dh and me are fairly tall and that affects her confidence as well. Her class mates (and others) keep pointing out how tiny she is and she hates it.😥🤔

OP posts:
Original poster
EmptyBites · 26/04/2022 01:53

RedHelenB · 25/04/2022 23:15

What does she eat at school?

Mostly pasta though she's becoming more adventurous. The problem is they only get thirty minutes and she's a very slow eater. I've asked the teachers to keep an eye on her intake but I think she eats very little at school. She saA she doesn't take much as the teachers tell them off when they don't finish everything. She usually gains more weight in the holidays and invariably loses weight when school starts. In fact she really srooowd fd the centiles when she started pre school though she's always had weight gain issues and was a poor eater even as a baby.

OP posts:
Original poster
EmptyBites · 26/04/2022 01:56

This reply has been deleted

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Thanks. Yes we have a few compartmentalised plates and she does like them.

OP posts:
Original poster
EmptyBites · 26/04/2022 01:59

FatFilledTrottyPuss · 26/04/2022 00:59

I second this op. My ds has ARFID and sounds very similar. Make sure you try and keep her range of foods as wide as you can as children can drop ‘safe foods’ until they’re barely eating more than a few items like my boy. I wish I’d known about ARFID years ago as he’s down to only about 5 things now and it’s harder to introduce new foods than to keep them eating the same ones.

Show quote history

Oh no. So I guess we need to get the balance right between offering foos that we know she will eat some of already bbut also adding new things. I guess not making mealtimes a battle is key as well but it's so stressful to see her eat just a few spoonfuls in an hour or so

OP posts:
BearFacedCheekGrylls · 26/04/2022 10:38

This is really stressful, I’ve been through it and come out the other side (sort of) and it was awful.

my teen is now relaxed enough to try new foods without worrying that she will be forced to eat it. What helped get to this stage included letting her eat a limited diet for years (the non negotiable part was that she had to eat 3 meals a day), meals out where lots of things ordered for the table (if she only ate bread, so be it but it did gradually encourage her to try new things), deconstructed meals (she’s not good with meals all mixed together).

my daughter ate a lot of steak, apples & porridge. She was about 10 when we felt we turned a corner in terms of her expanding her repertoire. She still has to be reminded to eat.

Definitely look into ARFID and good luck.

BearFacedCheekGrylls · 26/04/2022 10:38

This is really stressful, I’ve been through it and come out the other side (sort of) and it was awful.

my teen is now relaxed enough to try new foods without worrying that she will be forced to eat it. What helped get to this stage included letting her eat a limited diet for years (the non negotiable part was that she had to eat 3 meals a day), meals out where lots of things ordered for the table (if she only ate bread, so be it but it did gradually encourage her to try new things), deconstructed meals (she’s not good with meals all mixed together).

my daughter ate a lot of steak, apples & porridge. She was about 10 when we felt we turned a corner in terms of her expanding her repertoire. She still has to be reminded to eat.

Definitely look into ARFID and good luck.

BearFacedCheekGrylls · 26/04/2022 10:41

This is really stressful, I’ve been through it and come out the other side (sort of) and it was awful.

my teen is now relaxed enough to try new foods. What helped get to this stage included letting her eat a limited diet for years (the non negotiable part was that she had to eat 3 meals a day), meals out where lots of things ordered for the table (if she only ate bread, so be it but it did gradually encourage her to try new things), deconstructed meals (she’s not good with meals all mixed together). At one point she would have 2 small evening meals as she couldn’t face a large one. We sit down to eat together as a family weekly but not daily, it takes the pressure off if she is out of sync with the rest of us and needs to eat at different times.

my daughter ate a lot of steak, apples & porridge. She was about 10 when we felt we turned a corner in terms of her expanding her repertoire. She still has to be reminded to eat.

Definitely look into ARFID and good luck.

BearFacedCheekGrylls · 26/04/2022 10:41

This is really stressful, I’ve been through it and come out the other side (sort of) and it was awful.

my teen is now relaxed enough to try new foods. What helped get to this stage included letting her eat a limited diet for years (the non negotiable part was that she had to eat 3 meals a day), meals out where lots of things ordered for the table (if she only ate bread, so be it but it did gradually encourage her to try new things), deconstructed meals (she’s not good with meals all mixed together). At one point she would have 2 small evening meals as she couldn’t face a large one. We sit down to eat together as a family weekly but not daily, it takes the pressure off if she is out of sync with the rest of us and needs to eat at different times.

my daughter ate a lot of steak, apples & porridge. She was about 10 when we felt we turned a corner in terms of her expanding her repertoire. She still has to be reminded to eat.

Definitely look into ARFID and good luck.

BearFacedCheekGrylls · 26/04/2022 10:42

This is really stressful, I’ve been through it and come out the other side (sort of) and it was awful.

my teen is now relaxed enough to try new foods. What helped get to this stage included letting her eat a limited diet for years (the non negotiable part was that she had to eat 3 meals a day), meals out where lots of things ordered for the table (if she only ate bread, so be it but it did gradually encourage her to try new things), deconstructed meals (she’s not good with meals all mixed together). At one point she would have 2 small evening meals as she couldn’t face a large one. We sit down to eat together as a family weekly but not daily, it takes the pressure off if she is out of sync with the rest of us and needs to eat at different times.

my daughter ate a lot of steak, apples & porridge. She was about 10 when we felt we turned a corner in terms of her expanding her repertoire. She still has to be reminded to eat.

Definitely look into ARFID and good luck.

BearFacedCheekGrylls · 26/04/2022 10:46

This is really stressful, I’ve been through it and come out the other side (sort of) and it was awful.

my teen is now relaxed enough to try new foods. What helped get to this stage included letting her eat a limited diet for years (the non negotiable part was that she had to eat 3 meals a day), meals out where lots of things ordered for the table (if she only ate bread, so be it but it did gradually encourage her to try new things), deconstructed meals (she’s not good with meals all mixed together). At one point she would have 2 small evening meals as she couldn’t face a large one. We sit down to eat together as a family weekly but not daily, it takes the pressure off if she is out of sync with the rest of us and needs to eat at different times.

my daughter ate a lot of steak, apples & porridge. She was about 10 when we felt we turned a corner in terms of her expanding her repertoire. She still has to be reminded to eat.

Definitely look into ARFID and good luck.

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