To feel uncertain about DH’s plan to go part-time?

[FlowersFlowersEverywhere]

We have a primary age DS, been married nearly 10 years. DH in the last few months has decided he hates his job and wants to go part-time, with the idea he will pursue a new business he wants to start up in the 2 days he isn’t working and/or retrain. For context, I bring in about 4 x what he does and have capacity to grow that further. I work full time (and then some) running my own business. We currently equally share childcare/household responsibilities.
I feel uncertain about this because:
a) the early stages of setting up this business wouldn’t take 2 days per week
b) he has no idea what he would retrain as
c) when I set up my business I worked for ten months full time in another job while I busted a guy before and after work getting things going. I didn’t have the luxury of going part-time.
d) he has presented this as a fait accompli - he ‘will’ be going part-time, it’s just a matter of when.
e) he seems perfectly happy for me to still slave every hour running and growing the business, while he goes part-time. He has expended no thought on what I would like to do.
I do want to support his dreams of doing something different, but I also feel a bit taken for granted.
im also very concerned he hasn’t thought this through at all - for instance, he had no idea where the capital would come from to start the business (or how much he needs) and assumed he would be given a loan by the bank, which is highly unlikely. The reality is my business would most likely have to invest it’s profits into his new company.
I really just want some others perspectives on this…feeling uncertain, not sure if im being a bit grumpy or whether he wants a focused only on what he wants…

How can you be expected to support his dream when he doesn’t even know what his dream is?

You need to sit down and have the difficult conversation about this, ask how it is going to work, what his business plan is etc. Be totally upfront and ask if he is expecting you to be the sole provider while he follows his dream. The most difficult part will be making it clear that your business won’t be financing his start up.

Based on what you've said I think it's ok to be a bit grumpy and feel a bit annoyed at his plan.

However, rather than pointing all of that out to him I wonder whether you might have more influence by both sitting down with a big piece of paper and look at what this would involve and how, as a team, you could make this work - for you, for him, for the family etc.

Getting a plan on paper will undoubtably raise some of the questions/issues that you've mentioned and might help DH to realise the work needed and the impact that it might have.

Not to say it's a bad idea but a coaching/supportive approach to helping with his business plan and supporting him to think it through might be more effective than just pointing all all of the flaws.

@RomainingCalm thank you, that’s really useful. Ironically, this is what I would do with any other person planning a startup but this has blindsided me a bit.
I think the big piece of paper is definitely a way forward.

This thread will attract lots of negative comments about the husband, yet in an earlier thread, lower earning wife was being encouraged to stay part time by MNers to spend time at home even though her husband wanted her to work full time.
In the interest of fairness, he/she can always work less if they take on your share of childcare and household tasks and only if you are happy with that arrangement.

Came to say exactly this!
People are going to be focused too much on the fact it's the husband wanting to go part time.

Sounds to me like he wants to semi retire early.
I wouldn’t be happy with his “pie in the sky” ideas at all but if he’s given you a fait accompli there’s not much you can do about it.
I certainly wouldn’t be giving him any start up money from your successful business, because if you do, I have a worry that you may end up running his business as well as your own.
Is he lazy?
I’ve got really bad feelings about all this.

If he reduces his working hours it must be completely clear to him that he will have to step up with childcare and housework.

Is there any option of him going part time in his job, then using his days non working to help with your business? If it's more lucrative and has the potential to bring in more money then it might be a sensible next step?

Course it matters what your business is and what his skills are, but worth a thought?

I think with the other thread (and in my own situation) the one who is part time takes on more of the childcare/other responsibilities.

So I think that needs to be said. That if he is going part time then the balance of responsibilities will shift. That if he does it he will need to take on more of that as well to enable you to focus on your business to cover the drop in income.

The key is he simply wants to take his two days to do something

Feel a bit the same as @TheFuckOffCar

Good that he has been doing his share of life at home.
What is he like doing the job he does now?

@Kerberos he has offered to help with my business before, apart from some basic IT support he never commits to anything material, so I’m not keen to formalise that.

Would he be reducing his hours if his 2 'non working' days were spent retraining or building a new business? You do need to sit down and discuss it properly and maybe encourage him to see someone who can discuss it further with him. Do banks still have small business advisors?

I agree that if the roles were reversed you would be encouraged to start up your own business with his support.

If he roles were reversed OP would be called names like ‘money grabbing so and so’ by the same people even though her reservations are perfectly reasonable. Ultimately it comes down to the fact that the lower earning partner has to be more flexible in their approach to the whole situation. It’s a simple as that. Working outside the home or on someone’s else’s payroll, especially when you are the higher earner in a household, comes with greater responsibility. No getting away from that.

Ah, I figured it might be something like that. Sounds like you have deeper problems than just this latest badly thought through scheme. Hope it all works out.

For what it's worth, in our household I'm the greater earner, currently over 3 times what DP earns so I'm guessing I was seeing it as a way to boost his contribution per hour by suggesting he might be able to help.

You need to speak to him. Me and by husband have been through so many things like this and each time we have sat and talked over these things at length. If I feel some of the ways you've put there; taken advantage of, unsure etc. etc. I tell him and we talk over those things.

You need to sit down and be 100% honest. There is no substitute for unchecked honesty in a relationship.

Ask him to reassure you on these things and if he can't then he won't then be able to sit there and tell you it's the best idea will he.

Why hasn't he started setting up his business, in his spare time, already. To find out whether it's even profitable, got a good chance?

How secure do you feel your marriage is, @FlowersFlowersEverywhere

The difference with the other thread was that the OP already earned ok, and was upping her hours. She wanted to keep one day to do all the house work, not to dream up a business as yet undefined. And the husband has 13 wks off per year.

Lots of opinions on the following thread about a woman wanting to be part time.
You might like to take a look
www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4536601-husband-keeps-pushing-for-me-to-go-back-to-work-full-time

I am so surprised that some posters think teachers get 13 weeks off a year. Why on earth are so many teachers planning to leave?

www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/uk-news/almost-half-teachers-england-plan-23654406

Because they do. Yes, some work on the holidays but by no means all. (Am a teacher btw, and work in a school)

In the other thread the OP was already part time and had just increased her hours to 4 days a week but the DH still wasn’t happy despite them being comfortably well off and him having his 13 weeks holidays with the DC.

In this case the DH wants to go down to 3 days a week but seemingly without taking on anymore of the housework/chores.This OP is right to be concerned and has her head screwed by intending to talk to her DH to find out what his plans are and how that will impact the running of the house and the OP herself.

Different context. Best of luck OP, I hope your discussion goes well.

*head screwed on.