To expect DH to support and advise me?

[Bolognia]

I’m returning to work later this year when my youngest starts school. I’d like to do something more flexible than my previous job, which had fixed shifts and no WFH opportunities. But I have no idea what I could do.

DH is basically saying “that’s your problem”. Am I unreasonable to expect him to help me by suggesting some possible options, discussing what would suit, looking for training courses and prices, etc. At the moment I’m doing this by myself and it’s really hard because I have no advice or suggestions from anyone. It affects him because he’ll be paying for whatever training I choose and having to work around both my training and employment for the foreseeable future. I think he’s being an unsupportive dick but he thinks it’s just not his problem.

Thats really unfair he knows you cant match his salary so making you stay at home

Make an appointment with a careers advisor. I think you're being a bit unreasonable and childish.

Your DH sounds like a wanker, however on the job issue I wonder if he's feeling exasperated by what sounds like a stream of hypothetical problems from you?

You sound very anxious and overwhelmed OP, understandably, returning to work post-children can be scary - I think you need to discuss your anxieties with a professional - I wouldn't depend on your DP for this.

I think when you have some firmer plans in place then it would be reasonable to expect your DH to have some input on how you can make it happen; but flip-flopping from one thing to another and coming up with every potential obstacle is exhausting - I understand why you're doing it, I used to do it too - but it's not helpful to you. You don't have to have the answers to every single pitfall on your journey, you can both come up with solutions as issues arise.

Maybe try some voluntary work in areas that interest you - or contact people who are already doing those jobs, get more info - consider what YOU want. It sounds like you've lost yourself in your marriage

One step at a time - you don't have to have everything worked out right now. Maybe speak to your GP too, meds can help quieten the mind a bit if you're feeling overwhelmed.

I understand where you're coming from, I just think you're looking in the wrong place for answers.

But yeah, for the rest of it, your DH is a wanker.

OP
What is your degree in?

can you go back to your previous career?
id stop considering retraining and start considering building a life without him

The dilemma on this thread is shared time and time again on this forum. OP’s husband is the higher earner, won’t take responsibility for childcare. OP wants independence but constantly looking to him to validate her decisions. There is only ever one way out of this. Both parents work full time, and outsource childcare or at least household chores with each paying pro rata out of their income. This is yet another reason why women should not give up their independence to bring up children. Have the partner contribute to outsourcing childcare and maintain your own financial independence.

@sst1234 here here, if only there was a like or love button 🙂

I don’t understand why you’re expecting him to suggest what career you will have? Pick what you are interested in and have some sort of history with, even if it’s branching off being good at X in school.
I really don’t understand why you think he is being unreasonable to suggest you should pick your own career and research it.