AIBU for wanting to move to Germany?

[SJB47]

My son who is 26 moved to Berlin 4 years ago. Since then he has met a wonderful German girl who he will be marrying soon, he has an amazing quality of life there and always tells me I should consider moving there. I don't see much of a future here in the UK after brexit and I'm fortunate to have an Irish passport so the EU is still open to me. I work in tech as does my son and he tells me that there are plenty of English speaking jobs available that I can get while I learn the language. I don't have any other children or anything tying me to the uk besides a few friends that I have here but I've spoken to them and they think it's a good idea and that we would still be able to keep the friendship going through facetime and cheap travel to see each other. So at 47 years old would it be a good idea to start a new life in Germany?

Sounds like an exciting prospect!

If you're asking, you must have things you're concerned about? What are they?
But I think you should go for it. You can always move back if you don't like it. I don't know why brexit makes a difference, though, if you have an EU passport but if it makes you feel better saying it, then OK.

I guess I'm just worried that I'll struggle to integrate into society since I've never known anything different than the UK.

That's a bit unfair. I took the Brexit/passport comments as added info to head off the posters "explaining" that OP doesn't have freedom of movement anymore.

@WalkWithDignityAndPride I could see Brexit would have an impact if she didn't have an EU passport. But if she has an EU passport, then she has free movement back and forth so I don't think brexit has affected her that way.

I used to work with a few Germans and they used to remark that the UK was less rigid in some ways than Germany. But in other ways Germany was better. You'll never know til you try it and you have a support network already in place. You can always come home if it doesn't work out. You don't want to look back in later years and think, "if only".
A friend if mine moved abroad with his partner when he was a couple of years older than you. They lived in a couple of places and then they split up. He decided to stay out there because he was in a better financial situation if he stayed there. He misses home, of course, but he's happy and has made new friends.
I say go for it.

How exciting!! I would soooo do this if I were in your situation. They do a fairly cheap intensive German language class at the university of Vienna (Austria) from June until September that may help with the language.

You do know that all supermarkets and shops are closed every Sunday.

@Bananalanacake

Many shops in Berlin are open on Sunday afternoon.

I have only visited there as a tourist but loved it. People seem so relaxed compared to London. Go for it!

I live in the North, close to the border of Denmark. Went to Berlin once and loved it, going again for our honeymoon this year.

Berlin is a really cosmopolitan place and I'm sure you'll be able to integrate pretty quickly. Berliners have a reputation for being ...forthright... but they are generally welcoming and know how to have a good time.

Most young people will speak good English, although older people may struggle and many official websites etc. may only be available in German. Learning some German will be really useful before you go.

I've not lived in Gemany since 2006 (currently living in Kent) but happy to answer any questions!

Berlin is a wonderful city, probably one of my favourites. Everyone in Germany is very proficient in English so you could learn German whilst out there but still move. Personally, I would jump at the chance. 47 is really not that old, you have plenty of life ahead of you, go for it!

Ah yes I remember that from my time there! At first I thought it was nice, but then I got bored. For me personally, the heat in summer was too much as well. We don't have huge amounts of aircon in this country but we do at least in shops, a lot of offices etc. There it's like it just doesn't exist! I found the hot days absolutely stifling.

Ultimately, Berlin is a quick flight away. At one time I was commuting London - Germany, I'd go there Thurs eve and come back Sunday eve/Monday am to work here. It was tiring but ok. So whichever place you live in you can visit the other easily.

I concluded that, while Germany has its plus points, I would rather live here. You'll want to make friends you can actually do stuff with, not just face time, and that's not always easy in a new country.

Were you thinking about moving to Berlin as well? The job market, including tech, is much stronger on South Germany but that would defeat the purpose in suspect. But if you start with finding a job first then moving you should be fine.
Language wise your main problem will be finding people willing go converse with you in German. Makes it hard to pick up the language but OTOH you won't need to worry about not getting by.

What you should definitely explore with regard to a long term move is pension/insurance matters. Not sure how portable British pensions are? German pension insurance generally makes sense if you have 15 years and above contributions. Also, Germany has a dual health insurance system and starting at your age private insurance starts to get quite expensive, so it would be vital to you to get into the public option. There's an income threshold of around 4800/month below which public insurance is obligatory. It's optional above that limit but with severe restrictions over a certain age to prevent people free-riding on cheap private rates in their youth and then switching back to burden the public rate payer in their old age. So if you're counting on a hefty salary maybe consider going parttime for the initial period to put you below the threshold.

The move would definitely be to Berlin, despite the better job market in the south there appears to be plenty of good tech jobs in Berlin paying around €80-100k which is absolutely enough for a great lifestyle and I'm willing to sacrifice more money to be closer to my son and his soon to be wife.

I'd say go for it if a) you are willing to make an effort to learn the language and integrate . It s two way process after all and b) it will be easy for you to find a job back in Britain if you don't like it there

It really wouldn't be a place I would ever choose or wish to live at all, but given your circumstances I would be considering the following as I am the same age as you and planning to move overseas (part time) in two years time:

1. Are you giving up lots of friends and a life here?
2. Starting over from scratch at this age is not the same as going there as young person, it will be harder to meet friends and integrate as it is for everyone wherever you at this point in life. Most people are settled down and having their own families and friends at this point. So I think it will be hard
3. Are you leaving other children behind? Parents? Loved ones?
4. If you don't see much of your son as he is busy working etc, will you be lonely?
5. What will it be like as an old person, in twenty years time for instance
6. If you sell up, can you afford to come back if it doesn't work?
7. Have you lived overseas before?

Lots of questions but they are very important ones before you make a decision.

If you own in the uk rent it out and give Germany a go.

I'm a long-time Berliner, spent more time here than anywhere else in my life. Most people in Berlin have a love-hate relationship with the place: it has some huge advantages and can give you a lovely lifestyle, but it has some very, very annoying aspects too.
Most people who come here from other countries cope fine, some don't and have to leave. The best thing would be if you set yourself an initial period of a year to try things out and make a long-term decision after that.

Yes, international companies based here are crying out for experienced tech people, you'll find a job pretty easily. Make sure the job is as an Angestellte (staff member) rather than a freelancer. Employers pay half your health and pension contributions, so that makes a big difference to the final income, but it's also a lot easier bureaucratically.

A lot of people have mentioned health insurance, for good reason. The system costs more but it's ultimately not in permanent crisis like the NHS. It's wise to get into the state system (gesetzliche Versicherung) because you pay a fixed proportion of your income, whatever health issues come up or however old you are. In the private system you might have certain advantages like priority appointments and private rooms in hospital, but you also pay according to how much of a risk you are, which obviously increases as you get older and develop more chronic conditions. Someone above mentioned the danger that the state system might not want to let you in at your age: just talk to someone from one of the insurance agencies about that. It might be the case that if you can prove you were hitherto insured in the UK by the NHS (ie not privately insured beforehand) you will be allowed to get state insurance - that worked with me many years ago. The health agency I would recommend is the Techniker Krankenkasse, because they insure a high prorportion of graduates who tend to have a higher income, so they tend to be nicer on the phone. Avoid the AOK like the plague, they're dreadful.

Accommodation: are you thinking of a flat in the centre or somewhere more out in the burbs? Prices have gone up hugely over recent years, but you should still manage to find a decent renovated 2-room place in Mitte for 1500 euros (including heating). Two rooms would mean one bedroom and one living room, plus bathroom and kitchen. We spent a long time in the inner city and then felt the need to move somewhere on the outskirts with less dog poo on the streets. At your age and with adult kids I'd prefer to get a nicely renovated Altbau on a leafy side street in Mitte or Prenzlauer Berg. 4th floor but with an elevator <gasp> because I'm that decadent, and if I'm being really picky one room (living room) to the front of the building and the bedroom to the rear. Oh yeah, and air conditioning - the magic thing that is much needed but nobody in Berlin is prepared to admit is necessary.

Socialising and fitting in: don't see why that should be a problem if you work out what your interests are and then join a Verein (club/association). There's a Verein here for most things. You might prefer places where you can talk in German to practice, but there are also a few active international associations, precisely for women in your postion:

Women's International Club Berlin Women's International Club

International Women in Berlin

Weather: you must know about this from your son. The weather is shocking here. Freezing cold in winter and horribly sticky hot in summer, with a few between days separating the two. In recent years there's been essentially zero winter and unbearable summers, it's got way worse since I moved here. We're getting air conditioning put in upstairs this year, and will probably go to eco-hell for it.
Oh yeah, oil and gas, that's another joyful topic. Almost all of Berlin is heated with oil or gas, much of that is Russian. If you can find an apartment with some alternative form of heating (maybe hot air from politicians?, grab it quick. We're trying to negotiate heat pumps being installed - for 2023, because there's literally no appointments left this year. Do check how your new apartment is being heated

I read to the end and enjoyed the plot twist where it's revealed that you're only a slip of a girl of 47!

Go for it. You don't need to cut all ties to the UK and can always return after 12 months if you're missing home. And your son is urging you to move there. It would be different if you were foisting yourself on him, if you know what I mean.

Go have an adventure

If you are prepared to learn the language, and have a plan B so you could return should it not be what you expect, then I think you should go for it.

I have never worked in Germany but visited many times including in winter, and Berlin is the place 100% I'd choose were I to move there.

Sorry, the new MN interface was playing up.

Culture: amazing, as you will know from visiting your son. Makes it all worthwhile. The art exhibitions and opera here are world class. The theatre is also brilliant, although you'd need to learn the lingo to really appreciate it. Ultimately you have a cultural setting that's (IMHO) every bit as good as London or New York, but way cheaper and more liveable, with much better public transport to get around. Berlin isn't quite as liveable as a Dutch city in terms of liveability, but it's pretty good nonetheless. And I think that's why we all put up with the humid summers and rude, rude locals.