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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for wanting to move to Germany?

89 replies

SJB47 · 21/04/2022 14:58

My son who is 26 moved to Berlin 4 years ago. Since then he has met a wonderful German girl who he will be marrying soon, he has an amazing quality of life there and always tells me I should consider moving there. I don't see much of a future here in the UK after brexit and I'm fortunate to have an Irish passport so the EU is still open to me. I work in tech as does my son and he tells me that there are plenty of English speaking jobs available that I can get while I learn the language. I don't have any other children or anything tying me to the uk besides a few friends that I have here but I've spoken to them and they think it's a good idea and that we would still be able to keep the friendship going through facetime and cheap travel to see each other. So at 47 years old would it be a good idea to start a new life in Germany?

OP posts:
FairWindClearSailing · 21/04/2022 17:24

I'm a Brit living in Germany and the quality of life is the biggest reason why I'd likely not move back to the UK. Health care is fantastic, education is free, the streets are clean, the parks are taken care of.
I miss the friendliest of Brits, I miss the fact it's easier to make friends in the UK, but the things I read and hear about the NHS and waitlist for operations and people being unable to get through to the gp, and tuition prices rising etc make me want to just stay put.

Aprilx · 21/04/2022 17:30

I am a little older than you (51) and don’t think I could or would do it. I think the language barrier would be too much for me as I am not good at learning languages and I think I would find it hard to integrate into a non English speaking country for that reason. It would be visits for me

theleafandnotthetree · 21/04/2022 17:31

Oh I am jealous! I was there a few years and having seen a fair bit of the world, it was the only place which made me wish I was 21 again, I would move there like a shot. As I would if I was in your enviable position as a 47 year old with few ties and excellent job prospects. Such a base too to get trains to other parts of central and eastern Europe, you could nip to Prague for a Saturday night! I say go for it, you have little to lose.

Swayingpalmtrees · 21/04/2022 17:41

Have you asked your son if he wants you to live there? Maybe he is looking for a new independent life, I hope you have spoken about this with him.

UhtredsLatestPaganHussy · 21/04/2022 17:46

Swayingpalmtrees · 21/04/2022 17:41

Have you asked your son if he wants you to live there? Maybe he is looking for a new independent life, I hope you have spoken about this with him.

it's right there in her opening post...

maddy68 · 21/04/2022 17:48

Do it. I had always toyed with the idea of moving to a different country and brexit forced my hand so I left a couple of years ago.
Zero regrets. It's only when you are away from the UK you recognise how toxic it has become.

What's the worst that'll happen? You can always return

ExMachinaDeus · 21/04/2022 17:51

Berlin is a fabulous city. I have contemplated moving to Germany as I have close family there, but my job requires really high language skills and while my German is good for everyday stuff it couldn’t do my job in German. But it’s a lovely language and you’d learn quite quickly living there.

germany is a really interesting country. The culture is different but no worse for being so. It’s an interesting mix of really old fashioned family values (outside the big cities it’s tough for career and/or single women) but it’s a culture which values Gemeinschaft - a kind of community which we do t quite have in Britain with our long tradition of liberal radical freedom. On the other hand, technologically, it’s a really cool forward thinking culture.

and their health system is fabulous (personal experience) although you pay for it.

but German life is a good solid life.

QuiltedHippo · 21/04/2022 17:52

I've always heard not to follow your children, make sure you'd be totally OK if he moves on - cultivate your own life and support network

BiscuitLover3678 · 21/04/2022 17:53

If your only son is settling there and you are close to him, then I’d definitely consider it! Id take lots of trips there, look at different areas of the country and make sure you find an area that works for you too. Do you like Berlin?

BiscuitLover3678 · 21/04/2022 17:54

It’s actually a great country for older people (not that you’re old, but as someone who is looking at care for older relatives here bs Germany is something on my mind).

splishsplashsploshsplish · 21/04/2022 17:57

Do it! YOLO.

PiggyDot · 21/04/2022 17:57

What about your pension OP?

splishsplashsploshsplish · 21/04/2022 17:59

@maddy68

Do it. I had always toyed with the idea of moving to a different country and brexit forced my hand so I left a couple of years ago. Zero regrets. It's only when you are away from the UK you recognise how toxic it has become.

What's the worst that'll happen? You can always return

This. I have no regrets and don't think I will ever choose to go back to the UK, in all honesty, beyond family visits.

But, as you say, if things don't work out, you can always go back. It doesn't hurt to try.

yellowsuninthesky · 21/04/2022 18:05

Bananalanacake · 21/04/2022 15:26

You do know that all supermarkets and shops are closed every Sunday.

not any more, especially in railway stations etc

yellowsuninthesky · 21/04/2022 18:07

OP, in your shoes I would definitely try it. Berlin is a great city and there will be plenty of people to make friends with. Accommodation could be difficult to find, but maybe you could try in Potsdam or somewhere close by. I would have moved while I could if I had no dependants in the UK although I'd have gone to Hamburg as it is my favourite city in Germany.

yellowsuninthesky · 21/04/2022 18:09

I miss the fact it's easier to make friends in the UK interesting, I'd have said it was much easier in Germany, but maybe it depends if you lived in Northern England beforehand.

maddy68 · 21/04/2022 18:17

@PiggyDot

What about your pension OP?
You still get that
araiwa · 21/04/2022 18:18

I am a donut

Fimofriend · 21/04/2022 18:22

The quality of housing is much better in Germany than in Britain. I find the quality of goods to be better in many cases as well.

escocesita · 21/04/2022 18:28

I’ve been in Berlin for 8 years and I love it! Salaries are generally lower than in the rest of Germany, but tech seems to be the exception. You might find this overview of salaries interesting: www.redsofaberlin.com/wp-content/uploads/Berlin-Salary-Survey.pdf

Keep in mind that one you are paid above 58,000 taxes and health insurance are 42% but in general the city is not that expensive (with the exception of accommodation these days!)

bare · 21/04/2022 18:31

I hope he's properly asked his future wife?

JudgeJ · 21/04/2022 18:33

SJB47 · 21/04/2022 15:06

I guess I'm just worried that I'll struggle to integrate into society since I've never known anything different than the UK.

Of European countries I know well I would say that Germany is the least different from the UK, we lived there and loved it. Berlin is a wonderful city but one word of caution it, Germany, does tend to be more expensive than the UK and they're having similar problems regarding energy costs. There is a tendency to assume that bad things only happen in the UK!

desiringonlychild2022 · 21/04/2022 18:34

I prefer London to berlin honestly but I can see I am an outlier. I find London easier as a minority even though Berlin is also diverse but London is more accepting!

Its true healthcare is excellent. The thing is I rented my flat in Berlin and owned my flat/lived with family/lived in student accommodation in London so my experiences in London were much better but its not a fair comparison. I also rented at the height of the housing crisis in Berlin and most people found it difficult to find apartments. Our apartment was lovely but quite expensive by Berlin standards and the service charges were high; but we did have a lifetime tenancy so it is much more secure than private renting in the UK. Public transport is much better in Berlin.

I enjoy shopping and eating out in London more than Berlin, but I appreciate that may not be a major consideration for many! London has more mid-range food options and brands (though I wouldn't say Berlin is lacking; just that London has more).

I can only compare Berlin with London as I haven't lived anywhere else in the UK.

ladedahhhh · 21/04/2022 18:38

I am a German who has lived in the UK for 20 years. I would say you are definitely right about quality of life being much better in Germany, and Berlin is an exciting place. HOWEVER, people are very different. Germans are wonderful friends once you know them very well or become close. BUT they are not friendly with strangers the way the Brits are. As a result it is notoriously difficult to make friends in Germany. Except maybe other foreigners or expats. You might well find people unfriendly and unwelcoming at first and find it difficult to integrate. It might all seem rude and harsh and standoffish. If that happens please know that IT IS NOT YOU- it is just a different culture, a different way of being with strangers. Just something to be aware of. Even as a German myself I much prefer living around lovely people here in the UK, even at the expense of quality of life in other senses. Good luck whichever way you decide OP 😊

Lesperance · 21/04/2022 18:39

LetitiaLeghorn · 21/04/2022 15:01

If you're asking, you must have things you're concerned about? What are they?
But I think you should go for it. You can always move back if you don't like it. I don't know why brexit makes a difference, though, if you have an EU passport but if it makes you feel better saying it, then OK.

You don't know why Brexit makes a difference: You must have been living under a rock.
If you only have a British passport, you are a third country national in the EU: You have absolutely no right to live there or work there, but if you have an EU passport, you have many more rights, you can go and live all over Europe. The OP is clearly pointing it out so that others do not waste their time explaining that it will be complicated because of Brexit.