Am I too available at work?

[JanetPluchinsky]

Prompted by DH asking why I’m answering emails in bed this morning.

I am a manager in a hospitality setting. It’s a full on job, often 50-60hr weeks. I love my job. I work alongside another manager but we have specific roles each and don’t really get involved in the other’s unless absolutely necessary.

I have work emails, booking system, WhatsApp etc on my phone and laptop. Invariably, things will crop up that need my attention while I’m at home. I get phone calls/messages from the team when I’m not there with queries that I can’t just ignore. Or emails from customers that are time critical.

DH works in a completely different sector earning 4x what I do and when he’s not at work (9-5) he doesn’t think about work at all.

I think it’s just a totally different world and comes with the job. I sometimes have to message my own manager when they’re not actually working and they will always reply.

I did leave my phone at home at DHs request over Christmas when we were horrendously short staffed and I was under a lot of stress, it was my first day off for 12 days and we went out for a family dinner but tbh I spent the whole time panicking that they needed me and I did get home to several messages (and yes, it had all gone to shit unnecessarily which I could have sorted).

I am working on building up the team to be more self sufficient but it’s hell out there in hospitality land and I have a very young team who aren’t always confident to make decisions without me.

How available are other people outside their working hours? It’s pretty normal in a lot of sectors I’d have thought?

How much do you make? Some high paying jobs do require you to always be 'on' but if DH makes 4x what you do it doesn't sound like you're at that level.

Regardless of that though, you are definitely too available. If you can't even go out for a Christmas meal with your family without worrying about your phone, there's something wrong.

It went to shit but did anything awful happen? I find my staff learn faster by making mistakes and fixing them without me. And it gives them a sense of achievement and confidence to do it again.
I had to work up to not being there and am still not 100% but I am finding that when I am not there they manage and when I am there, they check with me constantly before doing something even though they know! I am like a comfort blanket but they are capable!

I'm available for things that really matter, but I don't check email and people know they need to call/text if they need me outside my working hours.

I want to be available when really needed, but I'm not getting into the habit of answering routine emails from my bed!

If you're needed often, there's something wrong with the working practices imo and you need to work better with your counterpart so you can cover each other.

It’s not a highly paid job at all, I make just under 30k.

With the Xmas one, I would have told them to make different decisions than they did, the duty manager got in a flap and several people’s Xmas parties were ruined because the team were overstretched. I mean, no one died but it hurt the business and the customers. Lessons were learned from that though and the situation shouldn’t happen again.

It’s also things like absenses. If someone calls in sick they’ll usually call me, and I have to find cover whether I’m at work or not. I could get the other manager to do this but by the time I’ve messaged them I may as well do it myself.

Its never stuff that takes hours, but I can’t just switch off and ignore. DH literally wouldn’t take a call or even log in to emails outside work so it seems weird to him.

I don’t mind. I was just wondering how common it is in other sectors.

For under 30k, turn the phone off when you're not on shift. Tell me you have a work mobile?

I think you could do a better job at delegating - I’m a manager at a day care - I am not always there - I have enough senior staff who are well capable of sorting anything when I’m off or away on holiday or whatever

No work mobile.

I have to have 4 work related apps on my phone to do my job, plus emails. Don’t get me started on what DH thinks about that…

What happens on AL? Do you just refuse to go places without good Internet? It must be a nightmare feeling like even in nights off, family parties, romantic meals that your partner is thinking of work more than you.
Are you happy in your marriage?

I am working on building up the team to be able to make decisions without me.

Part of it is my own anxiety/need to be in control and part of it is having a young, inexperienced team who need handholding. But things are changing in that respect.

Very happily married. DH isn’t bothered by it other than worrying about my own stress levels.

We did go away for four nights recently and my colleague made sure I wasn’t bothered, but actually there was nothing that needed my attention so it worked out perfectly (quiet weekend in February). But I had Easter weekend off and there were a couple of things I needed to help them with. Just minor quick chats though. I’m not talking about spending hours on work. Things like queries about where something is or how to do this or that process.

To answer your initial question, yes you are too available. I would expect someone on your DHs salary to be available outside of hours. You should not need to be. A duty manager should be able to handle issues that crop up.

You are causing your own issues for some of this.
if someone contacts you to say they are ill tell them to contact the other manager.

if you were off sick they’d have to sort it out and they would. But it’s easier if you keep resolving and helping.

i appreciate its often work culture that encourages this but you need to protect yourself as it’s ridiculous to be on call 24/7

I am the same OP. I'm a teacher and check during the holidays, weekends and on my one morning off. I think it's because I know there will be messages that will impact on the working day. If I don't log on in my own time to these emails, I won't be prepared for the day and chances are won't be able to respond during the day if I am teaching all day. It isn't good. I know that but I can't see a way round it.

If people are contacting you to ask about process make sure processes are clearly documented and colleagues know where they are

I used to work in hospitality in a managerial role, but it was seasonal so when we were out of season, we really were off. I couldn't have done it for any length of time otherwise without it affecting my health. I did love the job too, but it takes it's toll.

Ask yourself honestly the following:

Have you any symptoms healthwise that it's getting too much? In another job with long hours but this time year round, by the time I was three years in, I got trouble concentrating, fatigue pins and needles in my hands, needing to go pee all the time, headaches, colds all the time, which eventually built up to dizzy spells and partial facial paralysis. I still feel fatigued and overwhelmed two years on.

Are you missing out on things other than your job that you love? Time with family, sports, hobbies, travelling. It might even been the simple things like reading a book or baking a cake. Is the job stopping you from achieving other goals that are important to you?

I personally don't believe it's healthy to be "on" all the time and either you are asking here because you don't think so either or you want ammunition to shut your DH up 😂There are a lot of jobs in hospitality at the moment and, yes, most of them will be full-on, but some may be better set up so that other managers cover your absences. If nothing else, it's terrible business practice if they can't manage a day without you. God forbid you were ill.

You need to start looking at your deputies, the more sensible ones and appoint just one person to contact you during each shift. You need to set up a triage system of things that they can decide for themselves and at what point to escalate. And for every mistake, use it as a learning opportunity as to what decisions they should have taken.

One respond to the one person that is appointed to contact you during each shift. If processes are missing or not written, get them written and make sure everyone knows where it is.

This is all down to your management. I always go by the premise that I train enough people to be able to cope and go through a process of decision making that I'd likely also go through when I'm not there. Also to share decisions and make sure they cover each others back and work together.

I think the constant phone and email checking is normal in some industries.

I check emails and messages constantly, it doesn’t matter if it’s a Monday at 10am or a Saturday at 10pm. I’m in a freelance sector of the performing arts industry and when people ask you to do a project, you can’t be too late replying or you’ll find that it’s already gone to someone else. Unsocial hours aren’t really a thing, given that we usually work both from 9am and/or until 10.30/11pm in the evenings.

I don’t turn my phone off during holidays. It’s rare that they call you on Christmas Day or New Years, but it happens, when there are emergencies and they need you to cover. Last Christmas Eve I was in Spain about to have dinner with my family when I was asked if I could fly to Albania the next morning to cover a project due to a colleague falling ill. Would’ve done it had it not been because it ran one day longer than I had free.

Salary wise - I’m on less than 10k right now (not a joke) but there is potential to get to 100k within a year. So of course I answer my phone.

I don’t think the hours are the problem but the content of the calls might be. If there are processes that could be followed which avoided the need to call you, those should be implemented. If they can sort it without you, they should. You also deserve time off.

I think some sectors will have elements of needing more availability, regardless of salary / seniority.

However at £30k or less, that's definitely too much extra availability & it points to a poorly organised business, without enough senior back up present during your time off.

You are giving them your free time rather than using it for your benefit (which it's meant for).

I am in a middle management role, and I struggle taking time off. I force myself to delete apps / turn off notifications & do brave myself for what I might have to deal with when I get back. It's hard but I do work hard at forcing myself to do this. I already am overly available in the working week, and that only increases expectations of you

I rember when i had an accident in a management role and was off for over 3 months. When i came back my secretary had screened everything and just delegated it all out and all i had was a pile of printed off emails awaiting action which we sorted in less than an hour.

And we were getting hundreds of emails a day in that role. It was excellent. We carried on working like that until i left.

If you keep making yourself available, they're going to keep relying on you. Nothing is so important that they can't muddle through, ask another manager, or wait until you get back.

I mean, what would happen if you decided to go away to somewhere with no internet or mobile connection? Would the business just collapse? Of course not - they'd cope just fine.

For 30k per year, there is no way I would make myself so available. Train a couple of people up under you to cover for you while you're off or away instead - so that when you are on holiday (or heaven forbid, sick in hospital) there is someone there who can take over.

Slightly off topic but what does your DH do that earns close to 120k and is only regular 9-5??? Half of mumsnet seem to have these massive salary jobs, i literally know nobody who earns even close to that

Software design.

If there is another manager, they should be covering for your role when you are off, and you should do the same for them. It's the structure of the business that seems off.

Or, your assistant manager needs more responsibility and more training.

And you need a work phone not work stuff on your own personal phone.

For under £30K, yes, you are too available. Push back.

The thing is, it's fine if it's a young, inexperienced team who need training up. But how long has this been going on for? You mention Christmas was bad, but they still needed to ask you where things were by Easter weekend...

There needs to be a timescale on the training, and you need to start pulling back or you never will.

On annual leave, I check work emails a couple of times a day, in case of emergencies, but don't do substantive work. I think you're doing too much