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Original poster

To push DS into activities when he would rather not

95 replies

Newforumnewname · 20/04/2022 19:44

He’s just turned 6. I’ve always been a bit of an over scheduler with his older brother who is 10. DS1 loves various activities and has done loads, is very sporty and has a very full schedule which he thrives on.
DS2 has had a lot less, partly because of lockdowns coming when I perhaps would have been starting him on activities, partly because of DS1 schedule taking up time and partly just because he naturally temperamentally is less inclined to want to do activities so I’ve not pushed it. You can tell he’s not naturally sporty as DS1 is. DS2 has always enjoyed more time with me, he loves growing seeds, baking and cooking, craft etc.

However I am wondering if I’m just sort of letting him stay at home and not pushing him gently out of his comfort zone. He’s not an adventurous child and if I let him choose be really would never choose to do anything but then he might love it?

He does do a few bits, he does swimming and taekwondo and a little dance class at school.

Anyway a place has come up at Beavers and when I asked him if he wants to do it he has really had a cry tonight and said he really doesn’t want to. He knows nothing about Beavers so it’s not an informed choice, none of his friends or his brother will be going so he’s a bit scared basically.

I think I’ve made my mind up to put him in at least for this term but he’s really upset about it. Just interested to hear thoughts.

OP posts:
Original poster
Newforumnewname · 20/04/2022 19:44

I’m sorry that is so bloody long!
TL:DR should I make 6yo do Beavers even though he says he doesn’t want to, even though he doesn’t know anything about Beavers.

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 20/04/2022 19:46

He already does 3 activities, he’s only 6, he doesn’t need to do another one so I don’t think you need to make him do something that makes him cry. If he didn’t do anything you may have a point but 3 is plenty.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 20/04/2022 19:47

Suggest he does three weeks then decides. The leaders will be used to apprehensive children.

Mummadeze · 20/04/2022 19:47

Could he just do one trial session to see if he likes it rather than a whole term?

Dcfabyty · 20/04/2022 19:49

My 6 years old does Beavers and it’s one of his favourite activity. He loves it. Let your son give it a try and decide. He might surprise himself on how much he likes it

Ace56 · 20/04/2022 19:50

Two out of school activities (plus one in school) is plenty enough for a 6 year old. I would leave it, maybe he can do Beavers next year if he decides to drop one of the others? He sounds like the type of child who would easily be overstimulated by too much going on, so I think pick your battles!

Original poster
Newforumnewname · 20/04/2022 19:52

I don’t like letting them give things up until they’ve given them a good go and also I think if DS knows he can drop out after a couple of weeks then he may just hang on until then and not give it a proper go? But I could tell him he’s doing a term and then get an honest assessment after 3 weeks and let him stop if he’s hating it.

OP posts:
Cocodreams · 20/04/2022 19:53

My 7yo does Beavers and it’s his favourite out of all his activities. They do so many varied activities that there is bound to be something he would enjoy. Perhaps suggest he tries it for a few weeks and if he really doesn’t want to then leave it. I’m a parent volunteer at my DS’ and often a parent will stay for the first meeting so suggest that to him as he may find it comforting for you to be there.

Duracellbunnywannabe · 20/04/2022 19:53

3 activities is more than enough. It’s not good for kids to be over scheduled.

Sirzy · 20/04/2022 19:56

He already does three activities. Don’t push him into more. Downtime is important too and especially if he also spends a lot of time ferrying his brother arojnd too

Comedycook · 20/04/2022 19:57

I think he does plenty already.

However, if you think he will enjoy beavers, I'd compromise and tell him that you would like him to try one session and he can decide if he wants to go or if it's not for him.

My DD was very nervous about after school activities (she has sn). She agreed to do one session at brownies to see if she liked it...I said it was then her decision. She ended up enjoying it and went for a while and is now in guides.

Hugasauras · 20/04/2022 19:57

Personally, I wouldn't push it. I was the child who didn't want to take part in stuff and pushing me into it/telling me I had to do X number of weeks made me far more anxious and dread going. I was taken home from Brownies in tears on my first day because I hated being there so much.

It sounds like he does other stuff, so why the push for him to do something that makes him tearful? Some kids aren't as social/extroverted and don't enjoy activities like Beavers; that's not a fault or something wrong with the child. It's just a personality. It sounds like he's more of an introvert and that's just fine. He does some activities, he has his own interests, why push him to do something you want to him to do but he doesn't?

merryhouse · 20/04/2022 19:59

Well you can't send him now

Swimming, taekwondo and a dance class is plenty for a home-loving 6yo.

Maybe suggest Beavers in another year? You never know, some of his friends might start talking about it in the meantime.

LondonReturner · 20/04/2022 19:59

My parents were VERY laissez-faire and didn't make me do anything I didn't fancy, and I've always been extremely grateful for that as I'm not a joiner-inner by nature and like to do my own thing/ be autonomous...

However, my friend whose mum made her stick with Brownies for years because she had made her "Promise" (to God and Queen or something) is convinced that it taught her resilience, staying power, etc.

So the jury's out...

Wishihadanalgorithm · 20/04/2022 20:01

My DD (8) does many more clubs than this but hers are all in school time or after are school clubs run by the school. I think it’s fine to push him towards beavers - it will give him the chance to make friends who aren’t just in his school. I also agree with sticking with stuff. I would not tell him he can drop the club after 3 weeks, just let him think he is in for a term minimum. If he really does hate it you can pull him early but I’d be tempted to give him a few weeks (6?) to give him a real chance to settle in. Beavers would also increase his confidence I think as well.

GetYourEightYearOldOutOfATree · 20/04/2022 20:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

budgiegirl · 20/04/2022 20:19

I'm a bit on the fence. At 6, three clubs a week is plenty (possibly too much). But from the description of his interests, I'd say he might very much like Beavers (although I am biased, being a cub leader!) I'd be inclined to ask him to try it for a week or two, and see how he gets on. Most Beaver colonies will allow a few weeks trial before asking for a commitment. If he hates it, then let him stop. After all, he can't really make a choice if he doesn't know what it's like.

Smartiepants79 · 20/04/2022 20:22

As it’s beavers and completely different to the other things he does then I would get him to give it a go.
A few weeks trial and see.
Will there not be anyone from school there he knows??

Beamur · 20/04/2022 20:23

I think he might like Beavers too. Try it for a few weeks but don't push it if he's not enjoying it.

Sunnytwobridges · 20/04/2022 20:24

At that age my DD was in one activity. It was more than enough, and it gave her enough time to play with her friends.

SnowingInApril · 20/04/2022 20:30

No, I wouldn’t make him. He doesn’t want to do it. He already participates in 3 activities. He’s probably tired! He’s 6. It would be too much for my child who is older and struggles with 2 activities, one of which is at the weekend.

MargaretThursday · 20/04/2022 20:32

My dc:
Dd1 would do her choice things and stick to them. 3-4 over the course of a week
Dd2 would do absolutely everything she could fit in and complain she wasn't allowed to do more.
Ds would out of choice have done nothing. He kind of sauntered along doing beavers/cubs and afterschool football, but then had a period of being really ill and didn't want to do anything at all.
I let him drift for a bit, then I said to him that he had to do one thing. He could change it every term, but every term he had to do one thing.
He chose one from the list I gave it because "it was only an hour and near home so it would be the shortest." That was drama.
He hated going and moaned for a term and a half, but didn't want to change to anything else.
A term and a half after starting he came out and asked to join their Saturday drama class... I nearly dropped on the floor... then another term and he joined musical theatre. He is 14yo and now does around 10 hours a week with them and has just spent this evening complaining because it doesn't start the summer term until next week. Apparently this is Not fair and Should Not be Allowed and How Could The Leaders Possibly Not Have it Every Week and he isn't sure he can possibly survive another week without going, so he might well be dead by the next one....
I did ask them if they could consider opening a boarding school. Wink

So if you can find something he loves then he may change from being reluctant to very keen. The down side is the invoice... Grin

Gowithme · 20/04/2022 20:33

I would get him to do it this time but then I'd lay off pushing him into things that he doesn't want to do. He's doing a few things already. Is there anything he'd actually like to do? If he's not sporty then what about learning to play an instrument? If he's not bothered though I'd leave him as he is.

Neverreturntoathread · 20/04/2022 20:38

Remember that everytime you sign him up for an activity, you’re taking away another chunk of his freeplay and relaxation time. Free play is the top way children learn and there’s very little in the school day.

Yabu making a six year old do four activities a week!! Our school recommends a maximum of one weekday activity until age 7.

BogRollBOGOF · 20/04/2022 20:46

I think that trying Beavers for a term is reasonable. Would it be viable to swap for one of the other activities if the issue is time rather than interest.

I've found as my two got older and activities got later, that they've got happier as they get more buffer to relax after school. DS2 is much more enthused about Cubs than he was about Beavers, partly maturity, increased challenge and different leaders.