DP buying weed when he owes me money

[fendisna]

I am so pissed off I am shaking while typing this.

DP and I don't live together and have separate finances. He has had to pay out unexpectedly recently so has been strapped for cash.

He doesn't owe me a lot, less than £50. I had a thriving business but recently my earnings have gone to £0. Last month I spent £1000 in a shopping centre on various things, before I knew business would come to a grinding halt.

I have had bills flying out and extra costs. I too, am now strapped for cash. I did a small food shop for DS and I today and DP came with me, I only did a much smaller shop than usual and told DP it was because I am struggling and can't spent too much. He fancied sausage casserole tonight so I bought the ingredients for that.

I also bought us both a McDonald's.

DP then asked me to send him £3 so he could spend his last £27 on weed.

He is off for the week and said he is off so should be able to relax and do what he enjoys. He thinks it's "crazy" that I'm pissed off he is spending his last money on weed when he knows I am struggling and he owes me money.

He doesn't believe he is wrong as I spent that money in the shopping centre and that I didn't have to get him a McDonalds.

I am livid. He stormed off during the argument as I was being disrespectful.

AIBU?

Glad you've ended it with him OP. Now your own finances are in trouble, it would have gone from bad to worse with him in your life.

100% this.

How is he respectful to you and your “partner” when he is being fed by you, expects you to pay for his own weed for his week off, yet has no thought to help YOU out when you’re presumably working, paying bills, etc and are now scrabbling for your own money? Fuck him and respectful. You’re not an ATM. If he can’t find £3 in the sofa, he can’t afford his week of purple haze.

Buying drugs when he owes you money. Getting angry with you because you won't give him the money but dressing it up as "because disrespect"

Sticking with this sort of partner does not lead anywhere good. Many of us have been there. Save yourself

I didn't even bother to read your post, only the heading. Dump him. Dump him now

FFS @MNHQ - why have you introduced the new ‘similar’ (read: OLD) threads function??

How is it helpful for ZOMBIE threads to be resurrected?

Perhaps if you had bothered to read the thread, you'd have seen that the OP dumped him back in April.

I think you have done the right thing. He was disrespectful - he chose to keep his £27 for himself. He could have bought a McDonald’s for you both and the sausage casserole ingredients (which no doubt you were going to cook for him) and had a bit of money left. Instead he wanted you to buy his food and give him extra for weed. Then he sulked and stropped to get his own way.

He sounds like the definition of a loser. You need to mix with better people.

You sound like you deserve each other.
If you're prepared to spend your time with a pot head then you can't come complaining.

I'm sick to death of all these old irrelevant threads getting resurrected. @mumsnethq what is going on?

A grown-ass man who can't rustle up £3 to buy his drugs?

Girl, he's NOT a catch. Dump his ass.

If you date someone who does drugs you should know the DRUGS ALWAYS COME FIRST

Something I read earlier in the thread.

Where are people getting their opinions on drugs? Grange Hill? Trainspotting?

Are they including alcohol in that? Because the drunks I know cause far more problems for their friends and families than those who smoke weed.

My point is, I just don't think spending my money is relevant to him spending money on drugs when he owes me.

its not! What is relevant is that he wants to borrow more money after having made no attempt to pay you back what he already owes. And if he wanted £30 worth of weed on his week off, he should have budgeted for it! £3 is such a paltry amount of money, I think he’s playing you to see how much more he can take advantage. Disrespectful? This idiot doesn’t deserve any respect! Arguing with him is pointless; get rid. Potential cocklodger in the making. You deserve better!

Oh no, ZOMBIE thread! Why did I not see the date?

He sounds pathetic and can reduce his weed intake by a tenner if he wants to relax that much, but regardless he sounds like a bit of a loser.

However, I think you need to rethink your approach to money, the shopping you've addressed your regret but things like buying McDonald's is a little silly when your cash strapped, it's not ideal but get a cheap sandwich if it was an unexpected trip or pack a lunch up before you go. So while you aren't being unreasonable about your partner, I think you have a lot to learn in terms of managing your own money.

I even posted further up that this was an old thread and still people continue to post saying to dump him. He was dumped months ago.
I don't know why all these old threads keep getting brought up. It's very annoying.

He doesn't believe he is wrong as I spent that money in the shopping centre and that I didn't have to get him a McDonalds.

So he borrowed money from you, you spent more money on him, but YOU are disrespectful because he believes that you spending more money on him means ... what? That he shouldn't have to repay you, & you should send him more cash so he can score?

There's only one disrespectful partner here OP.
Leave him - this tightness, irresponsibility & blame-laying are not going to improve - they will likely escalate.
www.banyantherapy.com/darvo/

At last read the OPs updates, she dumped him when this post pasted back in April.

'...I am shaking whilst I type this'
Really?! 🙄

On your specific question - I agree he shouldn’t ask you for money for weed either when he owes you money or anyway.

I really would get rid - he sounds like he’s just a drain and no help/ support.

Generally speaking I would think you need to change your approach to money - £1000 in one trip when your business / income was not secure was not sensible, and now you’re arguing over £3.

SHE DUMPED HIM MONTHS AGO - THIS IS AN OLD THREAD

just for people that keep posting despite many messages saying this was dealt with ages ago.

I actually think that's a pretty great rule of thumb.

Sadly I have lots of relevant experience. Some of the best examples of why that's a great rule of thumb would be the first to scoff at it. You know, people who regularly use cocaine and/or cannabis and "hold down a perfectly normal life" in their own mind while others bear the stress.

The same is absolutely true of alcohol, but alcohol is cheap and plentiful and does not inherently involve a criminal lifestyle.