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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP buying weed when he owes me money

123 replies

fendisna · 19/04/2022 19:37

I am so pissed off I am shaking while typing this.

DP and I don't live together and have separate finances. He has had to pay out unexpectedly recently so has been strapped for cash.

He doesn't owe me a lot, less than £50. I had a thriving business but recently my earnings have gone to £0. Last month I spent £1000 in a shopping centre on various things, before I knew business would come to a grinding halt.

I have had bills flying out and extra costs. I too, am now strapped for cash. I did a small food shop for DS and I today and DP came with me, I only did a much smaller shop than usual and told DP it was because I am struggling and can't spent too much. He fancied sausage casserole tonight so I bought the ingredients for that.

I also bought us both a McDonald's.

DP then asked me to send him £3 so he could spend his last £27 on weed.

He is off for the week and said he is off so should be able to relax and do what he enjoys. He thinks it's "crazy" that I'm pissed off he is spending his last money on weed when he knows I am struggling and he owes me money.

He doesn't believe he is wrong as I spent that money in the shopping centre and that I didn't have to get him a McDonalds.

I am livid. He stormed off during the argument as I was being disrespectful.

AIBU?

OP posts:
DeedlessIndeed · 19/04/2022 21:42

@Countdownis35 - I disagree. It's a bloody lot when you are having to cut back and do only a small food shop for DC, merely 1 month later!?

My partner and I earn well, and I couldn't even dream of blowing £1K in a shopping trip if I didn't have a number of months expenses saved in the bank before hand. And that is even without the insecurity of self employment.

LampLighter414 · 19/04/2022 21:45

Smoke weed everyday
Good on him

Springforwards · 19/04/2022 21:45

Can we stop with the whole all weed users are losers narrative. Where I live it's totally legal. You can find a dispensary on every street corner selling cannabis in various forms & it is used by all different people from many walks of life. We are definitely not a nation of losers & wasters.

Original poster
fendisna · 19/04/2022 21:47

Thank you everyone for your responses, I have a lot to consider and take on board.

I have ended things with him. I am devastated but think I know it's for the best. I have blocked him.

I have a separate account that I use for all DS related costs apart from the main food shop. I pay into it and CM from his dad goes straight into there. He's never had to go without and never would. He's happy, healthy, and too smart for his own bloody good.

OP posts:
PixieLaLa · 19/04/2022 21:49

I’m confused about you saying
“He fancied sausage casserole tonight so I bought the ingredients for that
I also bought us both a McDonald's”

Then you said

I bought the McDonald's because I've been working all day and then got called out (to do with the business) and had to go straight to do a 70 mile round trip. Wouldn't have had time to cook

But regardless he sounds like he’s taking the piss!

SpinningMeSoftly · 19/04/2022 21:57

I'm glad you've ended it with it, OP.

Write him off. No contact.

Move on, and good luck.

RedskyThisNight · 19/04/2022 21:58

Well it's been Spent. So no point crying over spilt milk... should you and others continue to be bitchy to OP? hmm

Please point out where I have been bitchy to OP? or better still, just report my post and any others that are personal attacks.

PlasticineMeg · 19/04/2022 21:58

Grown men with weed addictions are massive losers. Get him dumped

Maray1967 · 19/04/2022 22:08

No weed smoker would be in my child’s life. End of.

Original poster
fendisna · 19/04/2022 22:13

@PixieLaLa

I’m confused about you saying “He fancied sausage casserole tonight so I bought the ingredients for that I also bought us both a McDonald's”

Then you said

I bought the McDonald's because I've been working all day and then got called out (to do with the business) and had to go straight to do a 70 mile round trip. Wouldn't have had time to cook

But regardless he sounds like he’s taking the piss!

I got the casserole ingredients before getting called out.
OP posts:
tkwal · 19/04/2022 22:17

The £50 could really help you out at the moment, he could have paid you back at least half of it with the money he intends to squander on drugs. He feels you disrespected him ? What age is he anyway?. I'd ignore him for a while and use that time to think about what he actually contributes to your life

MissMaple82 · 19/04/2022 22:17

@fendisna

I did have money in saving and I've had to spend it. It's been a horrendous few weeks.

I bought the McDonald's because I've been working all day and then got called out (to do with the business) and had to go straight to do a 70 mile round trip. Wouldn't have had time to cook.

But you said you were making a casserole
MissMaple82 · 19/04/2022 22:18

Tbh you won't get much sympathy as you're choosing to spend your life with a stoner!

Dancer47 · 19/04/2022 22:26
  • You don't live together and he is just a boyfriend.
-Please please do not lend him money. -Please let him budget for and cook his OWN food. -Please do not marry him or have children with him. -Please note that if he acts like dependent child - whining for money etc YOU WILL NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM. -I sympathise a lot because I have been in a very similar situation and it is soul destroying. I also commiserate with you about your work - I was working 7 days a weeks self -employed in a niche events capacity that has never recovered since Covid. Business is now dead.
SpinningMeSoftly · 19/04/2022 22:27

OP has ended it with him.

Give her a break. Read her updates at least.

NurseBernard · 19/04/2022 22:27

Amazing. Well done.

I hope the shocked responses from posters confirmed to you that this is not normal, let alone OK.

You deserve much, much better than this man. Flowers

Original poster
fendisna · 19/04/2022 22:29

But you said you were making a casserole

Please read the updates

OP posts:
mumwon · 19/04/2022 22:29

as for disrespecting him
You could easily say that that was your intent after his actions &
he deserved it!

AchillesPoirot · 19/04/2022 22:30

You did right to finish with him

You need to get better at managing your money.

If the business is gone to shit why did you get called out?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 19/04/2022 22:32

Imagine wanting £3 to put towards buying weed from a single mum who works hard for her own money and then calling her disrespectful.

Oh to have the confidence of a (less than) mediocre man.

Duchess379 · 19/04/2022 22:36

I'm still struggling with the £1k spending spree tbh.. 🤷🏼‍♀️

conflictednow · 19/04/2022 22:36

💐 Well done, you will be devastated but each day will be better and easier. You and your DS are worth so much more than that
Hope your business gets back going too

beck01 · 19/04/2022 22:37

Personally i have no issues with you dating someone that smokes weed. It's that he can't afford his own supply that makes me think eww

Then the you're being disrespectful line.... no actually tramp, the fact he begging for £3 is disrespectful.... toodles

Hope you get business going again for the sake of your son.

Dancer47 · 19/04/2022 22:39

Well done OP! Excellent. Best of luck to your from now on I hope everything looks up for you x Flowers

ZerotwoZero · 19/04/2022 22:45

Nice one OP last thing any one needs is a pothead in their life. No doubt all the cool weed heads will come on defending their drug use.

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