Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP buying weed when he owes me money

123 replies

fendisna · 19/04/2022 19:37

I am so pissed off I am shaking while typing this.

DP and I don't live together and have separate finances. He has had to pay out unexpectedly recently so has been strapped for cash.

He doesn't owe me a lot, less than £50. I had a thriving business but recently my earnings have gone to £0. Last month I spent £1000 in a shopping centre on various things, before I knew business would come to a grinding halt.

I have had bills flying out and extra costs. I too, am now strapped for cash. I did a small food shop for DS and I today and DP came with me, I only did a much smaller shop than usual and told DP it was because I am struggling and can't spent too much. He fancied sausage casserole tonight so I bought the ingredients for that.

I also bought us both a McDonald's.

DP then asked me to send him £3 so he could spend his last £27 on weed.

He is off for the week and said he is off so should be able to relax and do what he enjoys. He thinks it's "crazy" that I'm pissed off he is spending his last money on weed when he knows I am struggling and he owes me money.

He doesn't believe he is wrong as I spent that money in the shopping centre and that I didn't have to get him a McDonalds.

I am livid. He stormed off during the argument as I was being disrespectful.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ViaRia · 19/04/2022 20:23

YANBU. People can be shit sometimes, as clearly demonstrated by your DP’s recent behaviour and some of the nasty, nosey, condescending replies you’ve received from others on here.
Good luck with it all.

seensome · 19/04/2022 20:25

You need to stop giving him money, let him go to work and earn it. I'm not sure if he's your child's father but anyway you don't live together and your priority is you and your children, not this lazy sponger.

RocketAndAFuckingMelon · 19/04/2022 20:29

No, hence why I have asked if I'm being unreasonable. It's the whole point of this board/thread.

I am completely open to being told why.

YANBU to refuse to lend him the money when he already owes you and you're short.

I sympathise with the ups and downs of self-employment when you can go from earning a lot one month to suddenly nothing the next.

I think the reason you're getting grief is that you sound as though you and he are both a bit happy-go-lucky with finances. Going through a good patch should mean tucking away a bit more before spending - if anything being MORE cautious than those who have a regular paycheck.

luxxlisbon · 19/04/2022 20:34

You had to do a much smaller food shop for your son but bought your bf a McDonald’s??

Return all the stuff you bought and ditch the bf while you’re at it.

Frollop · 19/04/2022 20:34

OP if you stay with him you'll have to accept he'll probably be smoking weed when he's still a pensioner and may still be asking for cash when he's running low. Also there can sometimes be long term health MH implications related to weed.
Can you see yourself being happy if the above was your future together? If no you seriously need to reconsider your relationship...time goes by quickly and you won't get years wasted with an unsuitable partner back...

FloraPostePosts · 19/04/2022 20:34

First priority is to dump your drug using, unreliable, idiot ‘partner’. He is not a suitable person to have around a child, and clearly only cares about you for what you do for him. Write off the small sum of money he owes you - you will never see it back, he’s smoked it away. Then you only have to concentrate on your child and yourself (in that order).

Second priority is to stop being financially irresponsible and get a good buffer of savings behind you, to provide some security for your child. I hope you have all your tax and VAT money put aside for when they are due, and that you’ve been paying your NI stamp, too.

Splurging £1000 when inflation is at over 7%, the cost of borrowing is rising and energy is likely to double by the end of the year seems utterly profligate to me, especially as it seems to have left you suddenly without funds. You need to make better choices for the sake of your child.

NurseBernard · 19/04/2022 20:34

He stormed off during the argument as I was being disrespectful.

I honestly can’t believe how much people are completely ignoring this ^^ part.

Confused
Bananalanacake · 19/04/2022 20:41

Maybe he smokes weed instead of eating, therefore no need to waste money on food for him. it's good you don't share finances with him, easier to cut out of your life.

jelly79 · 19/04/2022 20:41

He obviously doesn't know, care or respect how skint you are because of your recent spending

Did he give you the £27 towards what he owed you?

It's about what you do now you have seen his colours

OakRowan · 19/04/2022 20:42

How come in only a month you have gone from having a grand spare to spend as you like, impulsively, to nothing. Blown it out shopping. That's not a small amount to spedm in o e trip.out, that presumably wasn't budgeted for or planned, then not be able to manage at all 4 weeks later. Thats not because of him, though he is a dickhead you should leave. He's not a prize partner but you are wasting time getting cross with him over his habit and feckless behaviour. Sounds like you have much bigger financial problems of your own that need addressing? Don't give him another penny, but do sort out your own spending and savings behaviour.

Barkingmadhouse · 19/04/2022 20:46

The money isn't the issue - the fact you happily date a drug user is

Triffid1 · 19/04/2022 20:49

Well, I've said it before - any man who stropped off because I "disrespected him" would be gone (after I stopped laughing at the ridiculousness of it).

And not sure why he's got a week off and plans to smoke weed when he's so skint he owes you cash. But then, I've met plenty of people like that so not sure why I'm still surprised every time.

TabithaTittlemouse · 19/04/2022 20:51

Don’t spend or lend unless you have the means to do so.

You could have used the McDonald’s money to get more when food shopping for you and your son.

When does your dp get paid? When do you get paid?

Btw some of us work 12 hours a day and don’t rely on fast food Wink

youvegottenminuteslynn · 19/04/2022 20:54

Regardless of his reliance on weed (which should be enough to have put you off) you chose, at a time you have zero cashflow and no savings, to prioritise getting a McDonald's for your boyfriend over a bit more money to go towards your child's food for the week. A decent bloke wouldn't have let you do that.

You shouldn't be doing that if money is this tight right now. No man is worth essentially taking the food off your child's plate. Ever.

leavethetwit · 19/04/2022 20:55

You're getting a hard time on here OP - I'm sorry about your business and that you've had a tough time this last month. In relation to your "D"P - please, cut your losses and walk away for your sake and for your DC. I'm speaking from bitter experience here - dated a weed smoker for two years (so two years too long), it always came first, and he was a drug addled, selfish bore who would do anything to get me to lend him the cash so he could get high that week.

Teddeh · 19/04/2022 21:02

Why is he making such a fuss? He asked you to give or lend him £3 to round out his £27 to buy something completely inessential. You said no to the £3 and suggested he pay you back some of what he owes you if he has money to burn.

His choices are to get the £3 somewhere else or to accept that if he wants to spend his money on inessentials he needs to make more money than he spends on essentials. If he is actually 14 as a pp suggested this might be a good lesson for him, but it sounds annoying for you.

Eelicks · 19/04/2022 21:03

Stoners are losers, sorry but they just are. I don't know if they smoke weed because they're losers or if they turn into a loser once they start smoking weed, doesn't really matter the point is stoner = loser.

Im speaking from personal experience btw.

If you want to be with a stoned loser then carry on. If not you need to dump him. I wouldn't expect the money back either (again personal experience)

Philisophigal · 19/04/2022 21:04

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn at the user's request.

gamerchick · 19/04/2022 21:06

@Eelicks

Stoners are losers, sorry but they just are. I don't know if they smoke weed because they're losers or if they turn into a loser once they start smoking weed, doesn't really matter the point is stoner = loser.

Im speaking from personal experience btw.

If you want to be with a stoned loser then carry on. If not you need to dump him. I wouldn't expect the money back either (again personal experience)

I agree. But you're going to get stoners coming on saying alcohol is worse than them getting stoned every night after a hard day at work Grin
Lbnc2021 · 19/04/2022 21:07

Wow, what a catch you’ve got there Confused

biggirlknickers · 19/04/2022 21:08

Some posters are being very harsh.

It sounds like you’re having a tough time OP.

Believe me, no good ever comes of trying to have a grown up relationship with a weed smoker.

I’ve been there and I know others who have tried. In the end, these men will will always put themselves first and they just waste so much money and time on … what? Getting stoned. Wow. What a man Hmm Behaving like a teenager - an idle, loser of a teenager at that!

You really need to cut your losses and leave him behind.

Countdownis35 · 19/04/2022 21:09

@JustaMirage

What did you spend the £1000 on?
It's really non of your business. I don't know why you and others are piling on OP. Stop being ridiculous £1000 is not a lot of money to survive on anyway with a child. It's been spent and that's that.

If your OH usually selfish OP? How long have e you been together?

Sarkymarky · 19/04/2022 21:25

A druggie useless with money. You give him money you cannot really afford to even though he owes you £50 already. You have blown most of your money in the shopping centre yet you still give him money and buy him a Macdonald meal. You have a child spend your money on dc not the druggie better still dump him

RedskyThisNight · 19/04/2022 21:30

Stop being ridiculous £1000 is not a lot of money to survive on anyway with a child.
It's an awful lot of money to blow in one shopping spree if it leaves you without money to buy food.

Countdownis35 · 19/04/2022 21:40

@RedskyThisNight

Stop being ridiculous £1000 is not a lot of money to survive on anyway with a child. It's an awful lot of money to blow in one shopping spree if it leaves you without money to buy food.
Well it's been Spent. So no point crying over spilt milk... should you and others continue to be bitchy to OP? Hmm