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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP buying weed when he owes me money

123 replies

fendisna · 19/04/2022 19:37

I am so pissed off I am shaking while typing this.

DP and I don't live together and have separate finances. He has had to pay out unexpectedly recently so has been strapped for cash.

He doesn't owe me a lot, less than £50. I had a thriving business but recently my earnings have gone to £0. Last month I spent £1000 in a shopping centre on various things, before I knew business would come to a grinding halt.

I have had bills flying out and extra costs. I too, am now strapped for cash. I did a small food shop for DS and I today and DP came with me, I only did a much smaller shop than usual and told DP it was because I am struggling and can't spent too much. He fancied sausage casserole tonight so I bought the ingredients for that.

I also bought us both a McDonald's.

DP then asked me to send him £3 so he could spend his last £27 on weed.

He is off for the week and said he is off so should be able to relax and do what he enjoys. He thinks it's "crazy" that I'm pissed off he is spending his last money on weed when he knows I am struggling and he owes me money.

He doesn't believe he is wrong as I spent that money in the shopping centre and that I didn't have to get him a McDonalds.

I am livid. He stormed off during the argument as I was being disrespectful.

AIBU?

OP posts:
NurseBernard · 19/04/2022 20:00

I don’t understand the issue or the point of the thread.

Your ‘D’P is telling you you’re ‘disrespectful’ for having an issue with him needing money from you, when he already owes you money, to spend on weed…???

Am I reading this right?

What advice do you need?

Cop on to yourself and dump the stone cold loser.

Confused
BeforeGodAndAllTheFish · 19/04/2022 20:00

Is he the father of your child?

If not then it is very easy to bin him. If he is then start extracting yourself from him, sort our shared care of the child and child maintenance.

And get better with money. You're struggling and you spend £10/12 on McDonalds. That could have fed you for a week. Grow up.

Bananalanacake · 19/04/2022 20:02

Thank God he doesn't live with you, so much easier to get rid of.
Hope he doesn't smoke weed near your DS.

NurseBernard · 19/04/2022 20:03

OP - do you actually have any sense of how ridiculous / embarrassing to read, this scenario is that you’ve shared?

I don’t think you do.

lemongreentea · 19/04/2022 20:03

Sorry your business went bust overnight.

Dump this loser and up level yourself so you don't tolerate shit like this from shitty men.

Original poster
fendisna · 19/04/2022 20:04

I spent £7 on the McDonald's and have explained why I got it. I'll have been working for over 12 hours today.

OP posts:
Original poster
fendisna · 19/04/2022 20:06

@NurseBernard

OP - do you actually have any sense of how ridiculous / embarrassing to read, this scenario is that you’ve shared?

I don’t think you do.

No, hence why I have asked if I'm being unreasonable. It's the whole point of this board/thread.

I am completely open to being told why.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 19/04/2022 20:06

If you lend money to a drug user you have to assume you won't get it back. Send him a text. Tell him he's a loser and he's dumped. Take some of the shit you bought last month back for a refund if you can and concentrate on getting back on your feet.

Tee20x · 19/04/2022 20:06

So how much does he actually owe you - you gave him £3 for the weed? Sooo he owes you £3?

Are you charging him for the McDonald's?

You're so angry you're shaking because he's buying weed when he owes you £3?

Original poster
fendisna · 19/04/2022 20:08

@Tee20x

So how much does he actually owe you - you gave him £3 for the weed? Sooo he owes you £3?

Are you charging him for the McDonald's?

You're so angry you're shaking because he's buying weed when he owes you £3?

No. That's not what the post says.
OP posts:
TheSnowyOwl · 19/04/2022 20:08

I don’t think it’s the OP’s finances that should be under scrutiny here. The real issue is a partner who has no financial security and priorities drugs. It’s not someone most people would want a long term future with and that’s without the prospect of them being a financial burden.

BeePot · 19/04/2022 20:08

Dump the loser and if you're going to continue running your own business, prioritise savings and don't do spending binges, even now "he fancied sausage casserole" who cares what he fancies he can pay for it if that's what he's craving, get a food budget planned out and stick to it if you're that much in the weeds moneywise.

PonyPatter44 · 19/04/2022 20:08

In answer to the question, what kind of business fails overnight, if you do something like nails or lashes, you can be making a fair bit of money. If you then fall off the kerb and break your arm, you won't be making any money at all until you're better. So I can easily see a scenario like the one the OP is describing.

However, OP, maybe you will see this as a bit of a learning curve. If you go into business for yourself, you can't blow every penny as fast as you make it. You will always need a buffer. The buffer is not there to buy drugs for losers, btw.

Unsureaboutit9 · 19/04/2022 20:09

Did you give him the £3?

CoralieBoralie · 19/04/2022 20:10

Hmmmm

sweepeep · 19/04/2022 20:10

@TheSnowyOwl they are because she put it out there. Overall though it's just a whole load of bad choices both with men and money...

NurseBernard · 19/04/2022 20:11

This isn’t about whether you’re unreasonable - the answer is: no, you’re not.

The issue is that you even need to ask.

Why are you with such a loser? Why are you tolerating being called ‘disrespectful’ by such a loser?

This situation is pretty far from most people’s reality.

inappropriateraspberry · 19/04/2022 20:13

Get rid of him, but sort out your own spending habits and finances as well. Why spend £1000 if you know your going to be struggling the next month? And when you are struggling, why pay out for McDonalds? Sort your own life out, beginning with getting rid of him.

ThePoetsWife · 19/04/2022 20:13

Why are you with someone who does weed?

WildBlueAndDitzy · 19/04/2022 20:14

@Saganaki

The weed will always be more important to him than you. Bin him. He’s a waste of space.
This. His first priority is weed, not you.

OP if you are mad enough to stay with him, stop lending him money ever, for anything. He'd have the money he needed saved up already if he didn't spend it on weed. I doubt you're ever going to get back the money he owes you. Don't feed him either! If you're out and need takeaway you buy for yourself (and DS? Is he a child still or are you propping up him as well?), your boyfriend buys his own. You can't afford to be generous when you're broke.

powershowerforanhour · 19/04/2022 20:15

"If you lend money to a drug user you have to assume you won't get it back."

True. "Pothead turns out to be unreliable" is kind of "bear shits in wood" territory.

inappropriateraspberry · 19/04/2022 20:15

@fendisna

I spent £7 on the McDonald's and have explained why I got it. I'll have been working for over 12 hours today.
Then make a sandwich when you get home. Quick and still cheaper than a McDonalds.
SomethigWentBang · 19/04/2022 20:17

If he needed £27 for food for the week YABU. If he wants it for weed then he should pay you back before buying any, YANBU. Which poses the question what will he eat when he has the munchies.

WonderfulYou · 19/04/2022 20:20

It doesn’t matter how much you have in your account or whether your business has gone bankrupt.

Someone owes you money - they should not be spending money on luxuries without paying you back first.

This shows how selfish he is and the relationship would be over.

PuffinMcStuffin · 19/04/2022 20:23

Dump him or learn to live with it.
I know what I'd do.