Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my friends to talk less about men?

82 replies

YouAreNotBatman · 19/04/2022 14:45

I like my friends, we mostly have good time together, but they are still pretty boy crazy.
Who they are seeing or talking to, about their hobbies (why?), what they said now and analysing it for 30 minutes…. On and on and on….

I’m so bored!
We’re not 13 anymore.

Is it okey to say something and how?

OP posts:
Momicrone · 19/04/2022 15:01

Just change the subject but people shoukd be able to talk about their interests

Original poster
YouAreNotBatman · 19/04/2022 16:11

I guess I’ll try that.

It just gets quite mind-numbing when I can’t relate to any of it and I feel left out, if that makes sense.

OP posts:
HumunaHey · 19/04/2022 16:18

Maybe you've outgrown them.

If that's what they enjoy talking about and you're the only one who doesn't, then you're the odd one out in this scenario and the conversation will probably shift back to talking about the opposite sex despite any attempts to change it.

Maybe try and find new friends. Not saying you have to ditch your current ones though.

PansyPetunia · 19/04/2022 16:18

You can't control the narrative, no

Original poster
YouAreNotBatman · 19/04/2022 16:26

@PansyPetunia

You can't control the narrative, no
Fair enough.

But do you think it’s good manners to always leave one person out of the conversation?

OP posts:
SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 19/04/2022 16:28

It's not good manners to purposefully leave someone our but it's also not good manners to try and control the narrative. Sounds like you've just outgrown them. It happens

Lsquiggles · 19/04/2022 16:31

It's clearly something they all want to talk about and is a hot topic for them. As the odd one out your options are to listen begrudgingly and hope they grow up eventually or just accept you've outgrown them and see them less if it's that annoying

MojoMoon · 19/04/2022 16:32

I don't think you are being left out, you just aren't interested.

It's not like they are all discussing and planning a trip they are going on and you are not. It's just chatting about a topic you aren't interested in. Could be boys. Could b golf. could be the Kardashians

HumunaHey · 19/04/2022 16:32

Why can't you just join in? Are they purposefully talking about something they know you can't join on with? Confused

Momijin · 19/04/2022 16:34

You can't police what people talk about. Try and bring in other subjects or find other friends.

Lem0nDrizzle · 19/04/2022 16:34

You can't tell them what to and what not to talk about I'm afraid.

Original poster
YouAreNotBatman · 19/04/2022 16:36

Shit, I guess I really need to start finding new friends.
Always been crap at that, I guess that’s why I stayid friends with them so long.

We are in our 30’s, so I guess this is who they are.
I’ve been worried if/when one day kids comes to the picture it’s going to be hell, but maybe this already is enough for me.

How do you make friends as an adult.
Also, how do find womwn, who’s personality is more than men in their lives?

OP posts:
Original poster
YouAreNotBatman · 19/04/2022 16:37

@HumunaHey

Are they purposefully talking about something they know you can't join on with?

Yes, they are.

OP posts:
TheSnowyOwl · 19/04/2022 16:39

It doesn’t sound like they are your friends; it’s normal to enjoy the company of your friends and have common interests.

gingerhills · 19/04/2022 16:41

That would drive me nuts. It's so boring. You need more interesting friends - people who are engaged with the world and what's in it.

HumunaHey · 19/04/2022 16:44

[quote YouAreNotBatman]@HumunaHey

Are they purposefully talking about something they know you can't join on with?

Yes, they are.[/quote]
You can't offer advice about their male dillemas? You've never had any dating/relationship issues of your own?

Anyway, ways to make friends - join a club, do some volunteering, join a gym with classes. My friend of years joined a netball team and I got very jealous of how close she'd gotten to her team matesBlush. I was early 20s in my defence.

BowerOfBramble · 19/04/2022 16:46

Have you posted about this before? There was a poster who asked a similar question, she had never been in a relationship and assumed she never would be. The advice then was similar - find other people at a similar life stage/with a similar lifestyle to you.

FWIW my friends don't talk about "boys" - but when most of them were married and I wasn't, there were some who always wanted the latest on anyone I dated. Others (most) didn't give a hoot! Your friends are unusual if that's the main topic, I think.

Do you have any interests that you could try to build a social life round? E.g. board games, a sport, music? Great places to make friends and built-in things to discuss.

Original poster
YouAreNotBatman · 19/04/2022 16:49

You can't offer advice about their male dillemas? You've never had any dating/relationship issues of your own?

None and no, I have not.

Thank you for the advice, some hobby based friend/s is actually a good idea.

OP posts:
Original poster
YouAreNotBatman · 19/04/2022 16:52

@BowerOfBramble

Have you posted about this before? There was a poster who asked a similar question, she had never been in a relationship and assumed she never would be. The advice then was similar - find other people at a similar life stage/with a similar lifestyle to you.

FWIW my friends don't talk about "boys" - but when most of them were married and I wasn't, there were some who always wanted the latest on anyone I dated. Others (most) didn't give a hoot! Your friends are unusual if that's the main topic, I think.

Do you have any interests that you could try to build a social life round? E.g. board games, a sport, music? Great places to make friends and built-in things to discuss.

No, wasn’t me.

I do have intrests, but they are alone-and-at-home types.
I’ll be looking into more hobbies and things outside of home.

OP posts:
sonjadog · 19/04/2022 16:53

I have a friend who has recently started to do this too. I'm also not sure what to do about it. She will talk on and on about men and if you try to change the topic, she'll bring it straight back again. We are in our mid 40s and I am really, really not interested in talking endlessly about what some man might have meant when he said x and what the look he gave her meant, etc. I am trying to build up the courage to address it with her, but she is very sensitive and will cry when I do. Good luck with your lot, OP!

BowerOfBramble · 19/04/2022 16:56

I think if you have some friendships that aren't like this, you'll either be more ready to tolerate your old friends doing it, or more ready to tell them to change the subject!

phoenixrosehere · 19/04/2022 17:03

Think you have outgrown them as well. I found such talk mind-numbing when even I was 13 and ended branched off away from those girls and ended of floating from different groups of boys and girls through secondary and uni. Happy to be a shoulder to cry on or needing advice but if it was a constant thing where that’s all I ever heard, or we spoke about, I was done.

Saying that, it is more difficult to make friends as adults. As others have recommended, meeting people with similar interests and hobbies can help.

Original poster
YouAreNotBatman · 19/04/2022 17:11

@sonjadog

I have a friend who has recently started to do this too. I'm also not sure what to do about it. She will talk on and on about men and if you try to change the topic, she'll bring it straight back again. We are in our mid 40s and I am really, really not interested in talking endlessly about what some man might have meant when he said x and what the look he gave her meant, etc. I am trying to build up the courage to address it with her, but she is very sensitive and will cry when I do. Good luck with your lot, OP!
Oooh, someone who gets it!

I’m sorry you’re going thorugh this too.

Thanks, and strenght to you too.

OP posts:
BowerOfBramble · 19/04/2022 17:15

An alternative - and yes I have genuinely done this. If you meet with a friend and they want to bang on and on about something and they know full well you're not interested/have nothing to add - set a timer. "Right, Daisy, I want to hear the latest on Kenneth but I do want to talk about other stuff as well. Let's give it... 15 minutes. And after that let's watch a film/chat about cats/read our horoscopes/mend my motorbike." And actually set the timer.

It's fab for when you get to that point it's either that or avoid them altogether. I've saved friendships this way!

Livpool · 19/04/2022 17:22

I'm married and most of my friends are either married or in LTR with a couple single and dating (not all straight so not just 'boys') One friend isn't currently dating and has never had a relationship lasting more than 3 months. She just isn't interested.

When we meet up as a group anytime we mention our relationships she rolls her eyes and behaves like she is obviously bored. Now we don't talk about our relationships constantly but they are an important part of our lives.

All the single (not dating) friend wants to talk about it work and her hobby - which isn't something the rest of us are remotely interested in. We let her talk about them but god forbid we mention our relationships!

No saying this is you OP but there needs to be some compromise. Friends usually talk about their lives.