To ask my friends to talk less about men?

[YouAreNotBatman]

I like my friends, we mostly have good time together, but they are still pretty boy crazy.
Who they are seeing or talking to, about their hobbies (why?), what they said now and analysing it for 30 minutes…. On and on and on….

I’m so bored!
We’re not 13 anymore.

Is it okey to say something and how?

I agree it is normal to talk about relationships with partners but I don't think that is what the OP is objecting to.

It is the analysing of motivation behind behaviour which becomes absolutely tedious because there is no way anyone can add any real insight about hidden meanings in text messages.

To be brutally honest in my experience when you've reached the stage of examining a boyfriends / dates behaviour to this degree the answer is invariably "he's just not that into you". Of course, if you dare express that then you are shot down and accused of being hurtful, so the pointless conversations continue which are often more about indulging someone's hope rather than discussing the most likely reason.

OP, you’re coming across as getting a little aggressive with anyone not totally aligning with your viewpoint, and are attempting to belittle them by replying with “sorry you’re offended I don’t only want to talk about your man.”

I don’t believe anyone is suggesting that we only want to talk about our men/women/children, just that these are quite natural topics of conversation as they form the majority of most of our day to day lives. Atoms and belief systems less so, but my friends and I cover hugely varied topics of conversation, especially when pissed!

You do also seem scornful of these supposed friends, so as many have suggested, it does sound like you don’t really like them and so perhaps the friendships are at an end.

I hope you find people who you feel are more worthwhile friends to you.

I move in circles you would think would be perfect for high brow conversation. Both DH and I worked or work in higher education. Myself for almost 30 years and he is still there. Different subject areas, his is science based I was in a social sciences dept or not real science as he has often said and my retort was bugger off back to your test tubes and try not to blow yourself up.

He is friends with quite a few physicists and mathematicians. Honestly as much as I have been at many a meet up when high brow stuff rears it’s head and there there is plenty of chat about just regular stuff like relationships, food, sport.

You have outgrown the group I don’t think there is any malice towards you, you just have so little in common. I would ask one question though do you like having a bit of a laugh? What people find funny varies wildly obviously but have you and this group ever just laughed together about anything?

Op, you sounded taken aback when pp mentioned the possibility of you being neurodiverse. Nobody is going to armchair diagnose, but to be honest with you it's the first thing that crossed my mind. The reason being was because you seem to be wishing for more meaningful intellectual conversation with people, giving the impression that you are quite n intelligent person. Most people, and this isn't a criticism, would understand about how conversation and general chat works in a group setting. People know that, again in general, if you are friends with a group of people who aren't connected through specific hobbies or work, then the conversation tends to be more on the generic side. That doesn't mean to say only about relationships and family, but it's quite a substantial part. That's because it tends to unite and not alienate generally speaking.
If, as you say, you have absolutely no interest whatsoever in this type of topic, then you should try and find more specific situations to meet people nd become friends. For example a book club, or an evening class where you share an interest with the people present.

I'd be bored too OP. Most of my friends it seems to be more about their family - parents, sibling, adult children - than their partners and I find that a lot more tolerable. It isn't as detailed either somehow and unless there is a significant event talk about partners is never that long. So, serious illness or change of career that will impact on my friend. I find it interesting how many people seem to be listening to and having conversations about things they have no interest in. But I am the sort of person who is rubbish at and dislikes small talk. A lot of the time when I see people it is to do something - we have a pint or two then go to a gig, or a meal before a film or potter round shops. Might be lockdown but I can't be doing with hours of chat anymore.

*I agree it is normal to talk about relationships with partners but I don't think that is what the OP is objecting to.

It is the analysing of motivation behind behaviour which becomes absolutely tedious because there is no way anyone can add any real insight about hidden meanings in text messages.

To be brutally honest in my experience when you've reached the stage of examining a boyfriends / dates behaviour to this degree the answer is invariably "he's just not that into you". Of course, if you dare express that then you are shot down and accused of being hurtful, so the pointless conversations continue which are often more about indulging someone's hope rather than discussing the most likely reason.*

Agree. That’s how I read OP’s posts. I have a DH and kids but I don’t want to meet up with friends and spend our whole time together talking about them and neither do they.

I sympathise, to some extent, OP, as I'm not one for long, tedious conversations about other people's love dramas or their children's trivial day to day achievements. I do think it's odd not to want to talk about people's partners at all though - I'm always interested to hear if someone's new chap has an interesting hobby or job, or if their child has just become a black belt in aikido or found something unusual while mudlarking. I'd say that was infinitely more interesting than a conversation about key stage 3 level physics.

Conversations are give and take - sometimes you have to sit through the bits that don't quite hit the mark to reach the bits that are worth hearing. Sometimes people need to be able to share their stuff, to be able to listen to your stuff (which may not interest them). If you're giving and not taking, or vice versa, you're probably not suited to conversation with these people.