To think that not many people live an average life anymore?

[Meandbee22]

I turned 25 last week and am currently 15 weeks pregnant with my first child- I’m worrying how we’re going to afford life when the baby’s here. I live in quite an average area (covid made the house prices rise quite a lot though) but have noticed that so many people seem to live extravagant lifestyles now- it’s almost like you’re either very well off or struggling quite a lot with money. Whenever a house gets sold within days there’s builders in ripping the place apart and having the place completely redone- no one seems to just move in anymore. Most people seem to drive mercs or BMW’s- no one really has an average car anymore. Lots of people take their kids out to eat at the Ivy a lot around here- no one seems to take their kids to McDonald’s anymore! I grew up in an average family and I grew up in the 2000s so I’m not feeling nostalgic over the simplicity of the 90s (was only born in 97 so don’t have any memories of the 90s). My dad worked full time and my mum worked part time but we had a nice average life- we had a PlayStation and went on a uk caravan holiday every other year and went to McDonald’s on our birthdays and just did normal things like that- we didn’t buy much, but today the Amazon delivery driver more or less lives on my street he’s here so often! I am worried that I can’t afford much for my child and they will see other children with all these exciting things. I was just wondering if anyone else had felt similar

It is like this where I live but I am older than you. Have the confidence in yourself. I don't give a crap what others have and you will probably find these people are older than you. When I was your age I did not have much and had a baby. You will be fine x

We are very average

DH and I both work in standard office jobs, we have a Nissan micra, and live in a nice area but in a rented flat. Big days out to places like theme parks are once or twice a year, and our DCs usual treats are things like cake from the cafe at the park, or letting them choose a hotwheels car at the supermarket.

I'm sure your DC won't feel like they are missing out, my DS1 is 6 and is still just as happy going for a bike ride as he is going on a proper day out.

You may find that most of these people don’t own their fancy (probably white) BMWs and Mercedes, but lease them.

Lots of people don't own cars, lots of people eat at macdonalds

You don't live in an average area.
The vast majority of people can not fund extensive home improvements, expensive cars or to eat out regularly at exclusive restaurants.

Actually most people don't eat at McDonalds because they can't afford it.

Are you sure you live in an "average area"?
Because your description of your area does not match my experience at all! And I live in a reasonably affluent-ish area (ie, most families have at least 1 parent and usually 2 working in a professional well paid job, its not a super posh area but it is a leafy, pleasant suburb, probably would be considered middle class).

Going out for McDonald's is very much normal here. In fact my dc would consider it way more of a treat than a proper restaurant!

The difference in income between me and people I know is quite stark.

My friend who is my age owns her own property, drives and goes on holiday every 6 weeks or so. Meanwhile, I can't afford one basic holiday a year and I don't drive and rent my home because I can't afford to buy. It really becomes apparent when she invites me to £70 gigs or for weekends away and I have to decline.

An acquaintance of mine is much older and been on the housing ladder longer than I've been alive. They always moan about how skint they are when they own a beautiful house that they live in, a property they rent out, and another property they rent out abroad. They talk about struggling to afford the £5 pm increase in children's dance class prices and in the next breath tell me about their latest holiday they're going on and the holiday the weekend break they have just returned from. Then they ask where I'm going on holiday.

I've noticed that most of it is due to family money. Both people above benefited from family helping out with house deposits. The older one of course benefited from the more affordable house prices and also family help with private school fees, etc.

It all seems pretty hopeless at the moment for the average person in the average job without any family wealth.

It sounds like you just live in a wealthy place. That sounds nothing like where I live.

@HelloMrBond

You may find that most of these people don’t own their fancy (probably white) BMWs and Mercedes, but lease them.

What difference does that make? You need to still be able to afford the repayments and to run it. It’s not like they hand em out for free

I’m early 30s so a little older - distinct divide in my friendship group on the car side of things - half of us quite happy in our 10-15 year old average but reliable cars and the other half in brand new BMWS, Audis - all through PCP. We’re all fairly similar in terms of jobs (teachers, nurses) but we spend our money differently I guess.

My childhood in the 90's was very similar to how you describe OP, although we did go abroad a couple of times. I truly think little kids are just as happy with trips to the park, McDonald's, picnics, local free and cheaper attractions etc as with the fancier stuff.

I know what you mean about it appearing that everyone moves into their house and does loads of work straight away, we're chipping away at doing it up bit by bit as we can afford it and we're fairly comfortable but one of our neighbours spent nearly 6 months gutting their house and totally renovating it before they even moved one box in! That's totally out of our league but that's ok .

Don't worry about whether you can afford lots of stuff for your little one ❤️ you will be enough for them, especially in the first year or so. You are their whole world in the beginning. The best toys for babies I found were the cheapest- stacking cups, a rattle, Tomy squeaky eggs.

Also, you can get so much second hand from FB marketplace, nearly new sales and charity shops etc, we've had some lovely toys for next to nothing and intend to pass them on to charity for others to enjoy once our DD is finished with them. Places like the works, Poundland, B&M do great little craft bits and sticker books. Toddlers are on the whole happy with a bucket of soapy water and a few plastic toys to wash!

Sorry for the essay but hope it reassures you a bit. Congratulations on your pregnancy

Not in my area. The majority of people I am friends with live in an average 3 bedroom house, drive a 5-10 year old normal car (Ford, Nissan, skoda etc), go on UK holidays or an occasional abroad holiday but no more than once a year and take day trips to local parks. I don't know ANYONE who would take their kids to the Ivy or even anywhere similar. Mcdonalds or maybe prezzo for a special occasion!

I'm early 30s. I have a few friends who are older and have a more extravagant lifestyle but only because they've worked more years before having kids and have high paid jobs (e.g. consultant doctor, Air traffic controller, IT developer)

If you want to know where your household income is relative to everyone else in the UK, this handy tool from the Insititute for Fiscal Studies can tell you.

ifs.org.uk/tools_and_resources/where_do_you_fit_in

Oh and even my friends who are well off, buy their kids clothes from sainsburys, go to second hand markets and hand me downs.

We are much more average household, we have finally managed to get on the property ladder after years of savings and it cost every penny we had ( including overdrafts). There is no money left for renovations. We are doing our garden up as it is currently unsafe for a toddler but we are doing it ourselves at the weekends.
We eat out in restraunts a couple of times a year but go for a nice but reasonably priced burger joint on those occasions. I dont want in mc Donald's due to allergies but DSS has it mabey once or twice a year mostly from a services when were going somewhere.
We did use birthdays as an excuse to buy annual passes to local attractions for the kids and that's what we do on days out.

I think you have described an area that's undergone gentrification and therefore becomes full of rich people. I grew up in a very affluent area but my parents weren't rich at all.
Your DC doesnt need fancy restraunts and like you said a bike ride is as fun. It also means the big days out are more exciting as they are a novelty.

Another point is many live on credit so it can be deceptive.

I drive a fiesta, took dc to McDonald's yesterday and we have been been slowly updating our modest house over the last 10 years. I am taking dc to the local zoo as the big outing of this school holiday.

If there’s an Ivy nearby then you live in a wealthy area. I lived in that kind of town for a few years and a lot of people were doing the things you describe - but many weren’t. I think you just notice those who are doing those things because, well, they’re out and about at in the Ivy and we tend to notice fancy cars etc..

I didn’t like living in that town because so many people were so into money. But actually, many were living a quiet, low key life. You just didn’t notice them for that reason. They were too busy gardening and living a more low key life.

I live a slightly above average life... but although my partner and I each have a 'good' job (banking and education), we have one 8-year-old car that isn't fancy (Citroen Berlingo) and don't go abroad very often. You'll never see my home/garden on Instagram. A lot of my house hasn't been decorated since we moved in 6 years ago. We don't worry about the cost of weekly shopping, but rarely go out, don't smoke or drink or have expensive hobbies. I think most of my neighbours and colleagues have similar lives.

Yes, these days most people are either wealthy(ish) or poor. And there is so much extravagance.
DH and I bought a 4 double bedroom home for the two of us, so extravagant enough! But I had so many people ask "So are you going to put an extension on it?"
I wanted to say "Which part of '4 double bedrooms' didn't you hear and why the hell would we need more space!"

Credit cards
Debt
Social media whitewashing.

Keep in mind that many of those Amazon packages contain boring household staples.

The best way you can ensure your financial security is to stop at one child, and continue with your career. You are young enough to bounce back from the baby and toddler years without it affecting the golden point of thirties and early forties. Sit down and plan properly your long term prospects and what you can do to improve them. You can have a five and ten year goal.

Protect yourselves by limiting the number of dc, and your outlook will much improved.

@HelloMrBond

You may find that most of these people don’t own their fancy (probably white) BMWs and Mercedes, but lease them.

It still costs a significant amount per month to lease them, so you could only do it on a fairly high income. We lease our car… a Peugeot. It costs a fortune (to me!), so leasing a BMW would be very expensive!

Don't start or continue comparing, you have no idea of people's debt levels and/or attitudes towards money. I have friends with smart cars that have bought a pair of new shoes in five-ten years, I know many that drive around bangers and are millionaires.

Live your life, make your own plans, stay focused.

I think you may be right that it’s a more wealthy area. I live in a small town in Devon and everyone seemed to move here after the first lockdown! @EvenLess07 thank you for your lovely reply- it is very reassuring!