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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that not many people live an average life anymore?

130 replies

Meandbee22 · 19/04/2022 12:14

I turned 25 last week and am currently 15 weeks pregnant with my first child- I’m worrying how we’re going to afford life when the baby’s here. I live in quite an average area (covid made the house prices rise quite a lot though) but have noticed that so many people seem to live extravagant lifestyles now- it’s almost like you’re either very well off or struggling quite a lot with money. Whenever a house gets sold within days there’s builders in ripping the place apart and having the place completely redone- no one seems to just move in anymore. Most people seem to drive mercs or BMW’s- no one really has an average car anymore. Lots of people take their kids out to eat at the Ivy a lot around here- no one seems to take their kids to McDonald’s anymore! I grew up in an average family and I grew up in the 2000s so I’m not feeling nostalgic over the simplicity of the 90s (was only born in 97 so don’t have any memories of the 90s). My dad worked full time and my mum worked part time but we had a nice average life- we had a PlayStation and went on a uk caravan holiday every other year and went to McDonald’s on our birthdays and just did normal things like that- we didn’t buy much, but today the Amazon delivery driver more or less lives on my street he’s here so often! I am worried that I can’t afford much for my child and they will see other children with all these exciting things. I was just wondering if anyone else had felt similar

OP posts:
bellfrint · 19/04/2022 19:27

and my local one is in Wimbledon village which is a very expensive area.

desiringonlychild2022 · 19/04/2022 19:30

A lot of people in my development drive a Mercedes (London) but DH and I don't have a car. Even though we own our flat and the cast majority are renters (they probably earn more though!)..

I kinda agree with this but I thought maybe it's because people with less money have been priced out of average homes. So if you live in a sought after family area with lots of young families, a lot of the families cannot afford to rent or buy there anymore. Ditto if you live in a beauty spot or London, my block is pretty much young professionals except for the people who bought years ago (even they tended to be professionals).

Poorer people tend to move more due to the nature of renting so you may not notice them in your street even if they were living there by some chance. You tend to notice the people who live there long term who tend to be richer anyway.

MikeandDave · 19/04/2022 19:38

Can I just object to your choice of the 90s as a nostalgic good old days time people look back on with rose coloured glasses 😂

xXwhenwillitendXx · 19/04/2022 19:55

@Aimee1987

We are much more average household, we have finally managed to get on the property ladder after years of savings and it cost every penny we had ( including overdrafts). There is no money left for renovations. We are doing our garden up as it is currently unsafe for a toddler but we are doing it ourselves at the weekends. We eat out in restraunts a couple of times a year but go for a nice but reasonably priced burger joint on those occasions. I dont want in mc Donald's due to allergies but DSS has it mabey once or twice a year mostly from a services when were going somewhere. We did use birthdays as an excuse to buy annual passes to local attractions for the kids and that's what we do on days out.

I think you have described an area that's undergone gentrification and therefore becomes full of rich people. I grew up in a very affluent area but my parents weren't rich at all.
Your DC doesnt need fancy restraunts and like you said a bike ride is as fun. It also means the big days out are more exciting as they are a novelty.

Another point is many live on credit so it can be deceptive.

Are you me?? This is exactly what we have just done, right to the point of the garden not being safe for toddler.

I do agree there seems to be rich and poor at the moment and no inbetween

IDontHaveAnOutingHobby · 19/04/2022 20:25

@ReadyToMoveIt

Yeah the Ivy Brasseries are more expensive than Wagamamas. Around £15-£18 for a main course.
not here- or rather the overall cost is the same, Ivy, Carluccios, Wagamama
5128gap · 19/04/2022 20:29

@MikeandDave

Can I just object to your choice of the 90s as a nostalgic good old days time people look back on with rose coloured glasses 😂
This. Surely it was only a few years ago? Now the 70s...😊
ReadyToMoveIt · 19/04/2022 20:30

Didn’t realise the chains had different prices in different areas.

bellfrint · 19/04/2022 20:32

same

icelolly12 · 19/04/2022 20:36

Yes there is stark inequality in the UK, mainly linked to those who inherit wealth. If you know people going to the Ivy on a regular basis you're comparing yourself to the wealthy end of the spectrum.

VestaTilley · 19/04/2022 20:42

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Just to say: millions of people live “normal”, average lives. DH and I get McDonald’s takeaway (when DS is asleep Grin), shop at M&S, Tesco and Sainsbury’s, go to the park with DS and watch lots of TV. We are not rich. We drive an Astra.

What is more common now is people having cars on finance, so it looks like they’re minted because they drive a jag, but actually they’re just paying for it for years each month. A lot of people have bank loans and credit cards.

Don’t worry about what you see on social media, and don’t let it get you down. Concentrate on your lovely baby, and the future.

autienotnayghty · 19/04/2022 20:47

I'm in my 40's and everyone around me seem to have brand new cars, latest phones for themselves and kids. We just about pay bills with a little spare. I don't understand how

desiringonlychild2022 · 19/04/2022 20:52

@icelolly12 I don't know if that is always true. My DH just got a job offer that pays £65k in London and he is 31 years old. It's not an amazing salary by London standards and there are many people above him and also younger than him earning twice as much..some from privileged backgrounds and some that are not. We can definitely afford to eat at the ivy but would not consider ourselves rich in the slightest. Our salaries would not get us a terrace house in our area in London, that is often due to inherited wealth thought to be fair two forty year olds on 100k each and past the childcare years and equity and an average lifestyle could probably buy the million pound house, we are just ten years off that stage (and probably wouldn't reach there due to the cash buyers pushing up prices).

It's true a lot of the inequality is due to inherited wealth but I think eating at the ivy and a leased mercedes is a sign of a professional salary rather than actual wealth. Actual wealth is multiple BTL, investable assets, buying a house in cash, buying a 5 bed house in Muswell hill for a tiny mortgage.

IDontHaveAnOutingHobby · 19/04/2022 21:09

@ReadyToMoveIt

Didn’t realise the chains had different prices in different areas.
Even Macdonalds varies massively across the country- and across the 2 within our town ( 1 owned and 1 a more expensive franchise)
ReadyToMoveIt · 19/04/2022 21:15

Well, you learn something new every day!

Countdownis35 · 19/04/2022 21:16

"DONT WATCH WHAT ANYONE HAS BECAUSE YOU DONT KNOW HOW THEY CAME BY IT" let that sink in.

How do you know if the Ivy is full of kids? Unless your in there too. Your in the same area as people having work done on their houses.... so you probably are similar

Calandor · 19/04/2022 21:18

The divide between rich and poor is indeed getting wider.

Calandor · 19/04/2022 21:19

Although I will say I live in South London and most people live in flats, no garden, no car, lots of kids in McDonalds!

JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 19/04/2022 21:27

So you’re only 25, live in an expensive area (assume mortgaged) and can afford to have a baby (at 25) and are comparing yourself to people who are probably older? Why do you want to race through life?

When I was 25, I was only a couple of years out of uni. I certainly didn’t have a mortgage and couldn’t afford a baby, I was just starting out. I’m now in my 40s and can eat out often, go on holidays, have a nice home and car. If you lived on my street and were side eyeing me for having more than you, I’d side eye you right back but harder.

Live your own life and stop watching what other people have got.

Calandor · 19/04/2022 21:33

@Meandbee22

I think you may be right that it’s a more wealthy area. I live in a small town in Devon and everyone seemed to move here after the first lockdown! *@EvenLess07* thank you for your lovely reply- it is very reassuring!
That will be second home owners moving to their rental properties as they can now WFH or else Londoners who can now work remote moving out to the countryside.

Anyone who's sold a London house will have money left over when buying in Devon to renovate and buy fancy cars.

Calandor · 19/04/2022 21:36

@icelolly12

Yes there is stark inequality in the UK, mainly linked to those who inherit wealth. If you know people going to the Ivy on a regular basis you're comparing yourself to the wealthy end of the spectrum.
I wouldn't say wealthy. You can go to the Ivy and have a main for £14...
Afrodizzyak · 19/04/2022 21:38

Please don't concentrate on others lifestyle. If you are happy and have fun you have more than money can buy.
I'm in my sixties and don't give a monkey's about other people's lives.

Calandor · 19/04/2022 21:38

Which for reference is only £5 more than a Wetherspoons burger

Rinatinabina · 19/04/2022 22:04

You just notice them more. There are way more people working in the shops you visit, waiting tables at the ivy, working in the petrol station etc. your eye is just drawn to the flashy stuff.

surreygirl1987 · 19/04/2022 22:07

You can't always tell what's really going on. We live in a lovely 5 bedroom detached house (6 bedrooms really if you count the playroom) and have 2 cars, spent our honeymoon in Hawaii for a month... but we barely make ends meet each month due to crippling nursery costs for two children. We don't flaunt the money struggles so anyone who doesn't know us really well would probably assume we're really affluent. The honeymoon was spend in the cheapest airbnbs we could find and eating cheap ramen and tinned veg each night though (it was that or only go on honeymoon for a week - we chose the cheaper but longer option) and literally all our kids' clothes and toys come second hand from Facebook marketplace (which I don't mind actually as I love second hand). Dont assume things from the little you see on the outside.

Booboobagins · 19/04/2022 22:08

@HelloMrBond

You may find that most of these people don’t own their fancy (probably white) BMWs and Mercedes, but lease them.
It's no less cheaper to lease a car, in fact you fund the depreciation. But, it is easier to lease a car cos you don't need a big deposit.

The future will be leasing everything, so if you want a good brand car, find an used one and lease it. At least you're not funding the full depreciation then. Or buy a car - any car- and don't give a monkeys what anyone else thinks Grin

Your DC will be happy cos you'll love her/him and will buy treats so she/he appreciate it.

Trust yourself, things will be fine x