To date a man that left his marriage for me?

[jules96]

I don't want to write the whole story out here but I've had some backlash for this in the real life and I think it's slightly unfair, but maybe I am just being completely stupid.

Current partner was in a 2 year marriage where the marriage although of course not directly for a visa, was part of the reason why he married her (she is from a different country and came here to study) but they did have a loving marriage while it was there and were considering children.

We came across each other and we shared so many very specific similarities and we both fit extremely well. In the end, he decided he had to leave the marriage and we became official. It's not a nice situation obviously, especially for his ex wife.

However, a lot of my friends are very negative about the whole thing, telling me if he's done it to someone before, I'll be next, or I can't trust someone like that etc etc. but I personally don't really get it, everyone has dating history and usually dated someone before and I understand it's not great we met during their marriage but it happened and there's not much that can be done as you don't decide when you meet someone...

Genuinely would like to know if it's really that strange to trust him and see my own future with him?

My job involves the continual assessment of risk, and in our training we are taught that the single most reliable predictor of how someone will behave in the future is how they have behaved in the past. Your friends are not being unreasonable, they just want you to go into this with your eyes open.

So you had an affair? Saying it was a marriage of convenience seems likes you're trying to make it seem like it didn't mean anything to either of them, but they were planning children, so stop playing that down.

No, you don't choose when you meet someone, but you can choose to say "no this person is in a relationship, I will step away".

My advice would be to not move in with him, but take it slow. Did he leave his wife and move into a place of his own, or is he moving straight from their home to yours? If it's the latter, I would be even less inclined to trust him.

I know you're feeling pretty special now as he picked you over his wife, but one day he'll pick someone else over you.

You had an affair and he left his wife for you and now you're questioning whether to stay with him???? You both sound awful tbh. I'd said to both of you if they've done it with you they'll do it to you

Incidentally, a quick google will tell you that only 5/7% of affairs end up in marriage, and around 75% of those marriages end in divorce.

A quick Google can return percentages to support most agendas.

Not all of them are based on reliable data.

Well, looks like we've left OP speechless.

Thing is you know he has form for cheating, so when he's late home or busy on his phone, what life is that going to be, and if he does cheat on you further down the line how much sympathy and understanding do you think you'll receive?
l have seem OW over the years go from poacher to game keeper, always on high alert, looking over their shoulder.
Its up to you, some do make ago of it, but its very high risk.