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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask how often your 9/10 year old DD’s shower?

104 replies

CrochetWhizz · 18/04/2022 21:57

DSD (9) is staying for the Easter holidays. Since she arrived (8th - 11 days ago) she’s had two showers. DP says I’m a clean freak as I make my two (7 & 10) shower at a minimum every other day.

I feel like I’m losing the plot as he’s so convinced this is normal Confused he also won’t enforce hairbrushing once a day either so DSD is ending up so tangled - I had to sort it for her yesterday. We’ve just had a huge argument as he’s convinced there’s no need for her to shower more often - she’s not washing at all in between either. AIBU?!

OP posts:
Mirrorball2022 · 19/04/2022 08:51

It’s the Easter holidays so I take it she wasn’t at school/doing sports and getting sweaty every day. So if she was just mooching around the house every other day would be fine.

I was bought up on sink washes and baths once a week. We didn’t have a shower til the 1990s. However as an adult I shower daily.

kimfox · 19/04/2022 08:54

DS is 10 and showers every day. He's often grubby from playing, so this way I know he's clean. It's not so much about BO yet, but all mine have always showered every day as a hangover from having a bath as part of their bedtime routine when little. I think I'd lose track if this wasn't a normal part of everyday life! Bath, book, bed; job done! (Obviously if we've been out late or something I'd just tip him into bed & miss a day - I'm not a fanatic!)

Natsku · 19/04/2022 08:59

Its a battle to get my 11 year old DD to shower twice a week though she'll occasionally take herself for an extra shower if she feels sweaty, also used to be a struggle to get her to brush her hair every day when she was around 9 years old or so but managed to get her into that habit.

pedropony76 · 19/04/2022 09:04

Some people are so disgusting on here. Showering once a week? And no mention of at least having a sink wash on the other days. Is that actually some sort of joke??

OP you’re definitely right with showering daily. Showering every other day at the very least and having a sink wash on the day they haven’t showered to keep the ‘important bits’ clean

Norgie · 19/04/2022 09:11

Mine used to be showered each night before bed.
A habit they've kept up with as adults and do with their own kids.

tuliplover · 19/04/2022 19:36

My son always showered or bathed every day. My daughter twice a week, maybe three if doing sport. I was every day but since all the lockdowns about 4-5 times a week. If I was going in to an office daily I'd shower every day but skip a Sunday maybe.

JungleBungles · 19/04/2022 19:43

2/3 times a week both my dc suffer from eczema and water really really aggravates it…neither of my kids smell…

Teeth brushed twice a day and faces washed with a flannel etc

reluctantbrit · 19/04/2022 19:49

Every other day with a proper wash inbetween.

Hair brushing twice a day and inbetween if necessary (long, thick, wavy hair).

At days where she had PE or after school sport, warm Summer days = definitely a shower in the evening.

ASundayWellSpent · 19/04/2022 19:58

Shower every other day, hair wash twice a week, wash hands, face and bums every day. Hair brush morning and night. Teeth three times a day.

NotMyFinestMoment · 19/04/2022 20:05

I bath/shower my child every day including hair wash. He actually enjoys it (and I prefer it) as he's always getting dirty/dusty with his play activities and when out and about. The only thing that concerns me is his skin might get a bit dry but I smother him with moisturiser. Hair is brushed every day and teeth done twice a day. Handwashing has to be closely supervised, otherwise he just wouldn't bother...lol. He's also quite young; 8 year old.

Thebig3 · 19/04/2022 20:11

My DD is 10 and showers everyday. I think at this age they can become smelly with BO and its not good to not shower everyday in my opinion.

Quite shocked at some answers that kids only shower twice a week

REignbow · 19/04/2022 20:37

My 11 year old bathes daily.

Hair washed 2x per week

Teeth brushed twice daily

Hair brushed daily.

If she had a choice (with the exception of a bath,) then she’d never brush her teeth or brush her hair. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

WindyKnickers · 19/04/2022 20:44

DD (10) has to be threatened and nagged to shower. I try and get her in every 3 days. She's not smelly except after sports and she has long thick hair which is a nightmare to wash and brush.

Original poster
CrochetWhizz · 19/04/2022 20:48

Thanks for the replies everyone.

Another day has passed without a shower/wash or hairbrush. I’m loathed to mention it as a get a mouthful from DP in defence of her if I do - apparently she doesn’t smell. But she is starting to look unwashed/grubby and her hair is appalling. Standard MN phrase of “having a DP problem”. Sad poor girl.

OP posts:
PumpkinPie2016 · 19/04/2022 21:27

My DS is 8 and has a bath or shower every day, same as me and his dad.

Teeth done twice a day.

I wouldn't feel clean if I didn't shower each day and DS plays out a lot so does get grubby.

EntreMummy · 19/04/2022 21:27

My just 11 DS now showers almost daily, skips it if hasn’t been out for a day in the holidays, but in summer definitely needs daily shower. hair washed min 3 x per week.

My 7 yo has a bath twice per week through winter, daily shower in summer.

I don’t agree with bathing kids daily from newborn - up to about age 9 they really don’t need showers / baths daily all year round.

(And it’s such a lot of work and faff for parents to do this every night - I am way too tired by the evening to do all that every day with young kids.)

And kids definitely don’t need to be putting deodorant on twice per day… Leave the sweat glands to breathe at night. Anti perspirant blocks them (especially if it contains aluminium).

FabFitFifties · 19/04/2022 21:29

11 yo boy, bath every night. Once he's in he's in ages, but I don't think he actually gets washed. Uses his scuba mask and practices holding breath etv 🙄Luckily he is small and doesn't smell yet.

FabFitFifties · 19/04/2022 21:30

Etc

WalkerWalking · 19/04/2022 21:32

Primary school kids: officially I say it's every other day, but we end up skipping quite a few! More like 2-3 times a week.

But in the holidays etc I don't really worry about it. But then again, if I'm not going anywhere, I'll often skip a shower myself. A full bath/shower every day or even every other day is a very modern thing.

sophienelisse · 19/04/2022 21:34

Every day. Usually at night if not first thing in the morning.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 19/04/2022 21:41

Mine just turned 9. Last few months of being 8 she was every couple of days. She says she wants to shower every day now

EnglishMuffins · 19/04/2022 21:43

Daily, always have. Shower daily, clean pjs every 2-3 nights. Teeth and hair brushed daily.

AngelaRayner4PM · 20/04/2022 16:57

What is going on is outside the realms of what is acceptable normal parenting. Her hair not being washed or brushed will become matted, itchy, sore, will be so painful when eventually brushed out that it might have to be cut off instead. That's not being a bit lax because it's the holidays, it's neglect.

How can you be with this person who thinks it's ok to neglect his child's basic hygiene needs? Does he neglect his own hygiene needs or just his child's?

queenMab99 · 20/04/2022 17:23

My parents both grew up without bathrooms, and valued the luxury of baths and showers, so were absolute sticklers for daily baths, when I was growing up in the 50s, the habit has stuck and has been passed on to children and grand children.

PhileasPhilby · 20/04/2022 17:46

Daily. Always have.