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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Long Car journey from hell tomorrow tips?

104 replies

MustSurviveThis · 18/04/2022 16:13

Will preface this with my brothers autistic and I love him dearly, but his quirks can be inconvenient.

Tomorrow we have somewhere we need to be together, we can’t get out of it. I drive, brother doesn’t so he’ll be coming in my car.

He will have all 4 windows open for the whole hour journey. He can’t cope with just air con, or only 1 window it has to be all 4. Last time I almost froze to death (even in the middle of the summer as it’s a motorway drive so fast road), so will be layering up, any tips on what to wear?

Also how to get over his innate chatter about his current obsession? I make the usual “Sounds great” “Yes” noises but then he asks me questions and expects me to know the answer so I have to listen to it all in great detail, it’s not something I can just google the answers to as it’s a very niche interest. So tips on making sure I extract the most useful information so I can answer his questions?

And no telling me not to take him in my car, I have to, like I said it’s something I can’t get out of.

So AIBU to ask for your tips to survive the 2 hour round trip please?

OP posts:
TonyBlairsLover · 18/04/2022 16:15

Pretend your asleep?

TonyBlairsLover · 18/04/2022 16:15

You’re **

Nosetickle · 18/04/2022 16:16

Probably not helpful at all and sorry but all I can think is that if you have all the windows open while driving on the motorway it’ll be so loud and windy that I doubt you’ll be able to hear each other talking anyway!

Failing that, could you just play some loud music?

Nosetickle · 18/04/2022 16:16

@TonyBlairsLover

Pretend your asleep?
Pretty frowned upon while driving!
Original poster
MustSurviveThis · 18/04/2022 16:17

@TonyBlairsLover

Pretend your asleep?
@TonyBlairsLover I'll be driving
OP posts:
sophienelisse · 18/04/2022 16:18

Can you take the back roads instead so it's not as fast and not so noisy when your driving? Or would that just be worse for you?

Original poster
MustSurviveThis · 18/04/2022 16:18

@Nosetickle

Probably not helpful at all and sorry but all I can think is that if you have all the windows open while driving on the motorway it’ll be so loud and windy that I doubt you’ll be able to hear each other talking anyway!

Failing that, could you just play some loud music?

@Nosetickle unfortunately brother can't cope with loud music, I'll also have my 7yo DC with me who doesn't like loud music either.
OP posts:
BonnyandPoppy · 18/04/2022 16:18

I’d wear a woolly hat to keep the wind out of my ears and a thick fleece jumper!

TonyBlairsLover · 18/04/2022 16:19

@MustSurviveThis ohh sorry I misread it, good luck x

Original poster
MustSurviveThis · 18/04/2022 16:19

@sophienelisse

Can you take the back roads instead so it's not as fast and not so noisy when your driving? Or would that just be worse for you?
@sophienelisse I do when I'm on my own but it takes longer and my brother hates the car so we go the fastest way - hence the innate chatter and the windows fully open it's how he copes with being in the car.
OP posts:
BonnyandPoppy · 18/04/2022 16:19

Can’t your DC chat to him about his obsession as you have to concentrate driving?

Nosetickle · 18/04/2022 16:21

Could you say at the beginning of the journey that if he wants the windows open you need ear muffs as you’ll get ear ache but unfortunately that means you won’t be able to hear what he’s saying?

Iamnotamermaid · 18/04/2022 16:23

Podcasts? With stories etc

A hot water bottle or blanket for you? Gloves (fingerless is poss) & woolly hat?

Foghead · 18/04/2022 16:23

Could you say at the beginning of the journey that you have a headache and need a bit of quiet do you can focus on driving?
Suggest he listens to something with headphones.

CarmenThePanda · 18/04/2022 16:24

I would ask him for half the petrol money: the ‘drag’ of having the windows open will increase you fuel consumption loads.

Fill up somewhere cheap today.

Unleaded was 181.9 on the motorway yesterday.

Bundle yourself and your Dd up in a fleece with a wind proof waterproof jacket on top to keep the wind out. And a close fitting beanie hat.

Original poster
MustSurviveThis · 18/04/2022 16:26

Great tips thank you

Brother doesn't really like my DC (long story) but knows that if I'm doing the drive in the holidays then they have to come too, so he won't talk to my DC. DC will probably watch a film with headphones on on their tablet.

Like the earmuffs idea, and also the headache idea. Thank you

OP posts:
JohannSebastianBach · 18/04/2022 16:27

Can't you talk to him and explain that driving needs a lot of concentration so you would appreciate him keeping the chat to a minimum? Suggest he listens to a podcast while you drive?

ThirdElephant · 18/04/2022 16:28

No way I'd be driving on a motorway with all the windows open.

Longcovid21 · 18/04/2022 16:29

That sounds awful and would put me right off driving. Please concentrate 100% on the road and not on what your brother has to say.

Justleaveitblankthen · 18/04/2022 16:29

So your 7 year old will be in the rear of a freezing cold, fast moving car for several hours? If it was me, I'd be telling my brother the odd white lie about a broken window system /electrics etc..

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 18/04/2022 16:30

Will he listen to something on headphones?

orbitalcrisis · 18/04/2022 16:32

Wear a jumper and drive slower...?

Take an egg timer you each get 10 minutes to talk, then it's the other person's turn. Take a quiz book, he can ask you questions from there. Take a comedy CD. Play a counting game, number plates from each foreign country, yellow cars, road kill, something to keep you both occupied.

Windywuss · 18/04/2022 16:32

My DS has ASD. He will ask me lots of questions about his favourite stuff. I know a bit about it but when it is too specific I am just straight with him. I say that I haven't played that game/ watched that TV show or even..I am sorry but I don't know about XXX. I will ask him questions like who is such and such? What do you like about it? What is your favourite?

I also teach him to try and listen to other people and that we've been talking about his subject for xx minutes so can we talk about something else for a bit please. But this is easier with parent and child than adult sibling.

All four windows down sounds awful though.

ThirdElephant · 18/04/2022 16:32

@Justleaveitblankthen

So your 7 year old will be in the rear of a freezing cold, fast moving car for several hours? If it was me, I'd be telling my brother the odd white lie about a broken window system /electrics etc..
This. It's not your duty to pander to unreasonable requests like driving with windows open on the motorway. If he were my brother, he'd have to find a way to deal with it (maybe a portable battery powered fan in his face?) or not go.
Beachsidesunset · 18/04/2022 16:33

Can you not find an alternative for your son? Sounds like an awful time for him Shock

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