Long Car journey from hell tomorrow tips?

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Will preface this with my brothers autistic and I love him dearly, but his quirks can be inconvenient.

Tomorrow we have somewhere we need to be together, we can’t get out of it. I drive, brother doesn’t so he’ll be coming in my car.

He will have all 4 windows open for the whole hour journey. He can’t cope with just air con, or only 1 window it has to be all 4. Last time I almost froze to death (even in the middle of the summer as it’s a motorway drive so fast road), so will be layering up, any tips on what to wear?

Also how to get over his innate chatter about his current obsession? I make the usual “Sounds great” “Yes” noises but then he asks me questions and expects me to know the answer so I have to listen to it all in great detail, it’s not something I can just google the answers to as it’s a very niche interest. So tips on making sure I extract the most useful information so I can answer his questions?

And no telling me not to take him in my car, I have to, like I said it’s something I can’t get out of.

So AIBU to ask for your tips to survive the 2 hour round trip please?

Does he get any benefit from the journey?

He enjoys seeing the Family Member and the activity we do in the area, he's just too afraid to do it more often.

He thinks FMs family is a good cook and likes to eat their food, and there's another FM in the area who has an interest similar to his so he will talk to them for hours, so does enjoy it once we get there. It's just the getting there and back he hates.

Could the family member come to him or meet in the middle?

I wouldn't take him, especially as he doesn't even want to go! And I say that as an autistic mother to an autistic child.

My son has ASD. Diagnosed at 3 so in now way mild symptoms.

I wouldnt put up with all of this. Yes what ever he needs to cope so windows down but not all of them all the way down. That would torture most people with sensory issues anyway. I wouldnt do that AND intense one way conversation.

I hate to say this but the more you pander to his EVERY need the more you will resent his company. People with ASD can absolutely learn and adapt why else do they get therapy in school if not to grow and learn.

Just be very clear well before you set off with very clear rules. "If we have all the windows down I cant hear you so talking will be impossible trying to concentrate on driving AND listening in over the noise of the road and the wind. So its windows partly up or not much talking your choice".

Then if he has all the windows down and chats "sorry it's really hard to concentrate on the road and hear you with the windows down".

I figure we all have to live in the house with ASD and while my son is as comfortable and feels as safe as possible he has to chuffed along with us or we would all go insane.

Fucking offensive thread

Headphones
Just thank God he is not sat behind you, repeatedly attempting to tarot you with your own seat belt, punching you in the head and kicking you in the back.
There, bet you are feeling better already dear

@GandTfortea

Fucking offensive thread

@GandTfortea how so?

@TonyBlairsLover

Pretend your asleep?

She's driving

Honestly i think you are taking a bit much on. Can he use medication to deal with the sickness/anxiety? I would definitely be telling him that the constant chatter is dangerous as you need to focus on your driving and suggesting a podcast or a book. It sounds like he doesn't much want to go. If other memebers of the family want him there maybe they should be responsible for getting him there?

2-hour round trip so an hour each way?

That's hardly a long journey.

Tell him he can open the window by him but not the others.

I’m so sick of the autism bashing threads on here
Oh how difficult we are to live with ….poor relatives having to put up with us for a couple of hours on a journey.
You know what op
Get yerself over to autism speaks group
You will fit right in

@GandTfortea

I’m so sick of the autism bashing threads on here Oh how difficult we are to live with ….poor relatives having to put up with us for a couple of hours on a journey. You know what op Get yerself over to autism speaks group You will fit right in

@GandTfortea I'm sorry you feel like that, but I never meant to come across like that.

I love my brother, he's quirky, amazingly clever - he can answer any maths question I ask him in 2 seconds flat which is extremely useful for my job yes I do text him when I have a tricky question at work just to see if he can answer it He's my best friend, and my worst enermy. He's my biggest cheerleader, but also my biggest critic. I love him with all my heart, that's why I want to make things easier for him on this journey. Hence "tips for me to cope" not "How can I get out of this?" or "How can I stop my brother going?".

@balalake

Upset other members of the family, seems the better option. Don't take him.

Absolutely, this whole thing is crazy

The brother isnt bothered if he doesnt go. He doesnt even like travelling in the car and has these extreme measures to try to cope with the journey and situation
OP is then having to manage with a dangerous drive, inane chatter and freezing cold car along with the loud noise of the wind buffeting along the open windows, not to mention the icnreased petrol cost
OPs' son is also subject to all of this.

This is a nonsense to say you cant get out of it OP, what if you couldnt drive anymore, what if the car broke down etc etc. Your brother would most likely not go and you would get public transport.

I think it's unsafe driving at 70mph with all the windows open.

I agree. It is not hard to have windows open in a car journey in the mild weather we are currently having

All 4 windows open whilst driving at 70mph on the motorway? I actually think that would be reasonably difficult.

@GandTfortea

I’m so sick of the autism bashing threads on here Oh how difficult we are to live with ….poor relatives having to put up with us for a couple of hours on a journey. You know what op Get yerself over to autism speaks group You will fit right in

Every one has needs and its perfectly appropriate to not be able to meet someone elses needs if it puts a person in danger or discomfort. OP says she is willing to do this but asking for advice about how to cope, in much the same way her brother has asked to help him cope. Not sure how that is bashing anyone

And it is the case that there are quirks described here that could prove to be untenable to a large number of people, me included, I couldnt do it. I cant have the sound the wind buffeting through the open windows on a motorway because it kills my ears and makes my vertigo worse. Even on a dual carriage way its too much.

Itll be freezing, and air blowing on you!
OP Just wear a big coat, stop for a hot drink when you can and play you own music to try and make you happy.
Good luck.

I agree. It is not hard to have windows open in a car journey in the mild weather we are currently having

Why does the comfort of one person overrule the comfort of two, especially when one of those two needs to concentrate?

@GandTfortea

Fucking offensive thread

Don't be such a douche. It's not offensive at all. Op has made it clear she loves her brother exactly as he is, accepts him for who he is and tolerates his quirks. She isn't being mean by asking for ways to cope with the impact of them on her. Calm down

Any good Podcasts based on his current obsession? Send him a few links so he can choose them you can play them in the car?