Or is this not how anyone does washing?!

[Sofiegiraffe]

Who is BU here, me or DP?

When I put a wash load in the machine, I pick up each item individually and sort of make a mental note of it so I have a rough idea of what is going into the machine (in case anyone asks where an item of their clothing is, or in case I'm wondering "where's that pair of black trousers of mine?", for example).

DP claims to just "pick up a load of stuff and shove it in". He doesn't put them in one by one. So if it's a darks wash that he's put on, and I ask "are my black trousers in that wash?" or "is DD's pink dress in that colours wash by any chance?", he won't know. All he knows is that he shoved a load of dark or coloured stuff in.

He thinks that's a perfectly reasonable way to do the washing. I think surely no one else does this? Surely most people look at what they're putting in so they at least have a rough idea of what's going in?!

Who is BU? Please settle this once and for all!

What I don’t understand @Sofiegiraffe (sorry) is why you don’t do uniforms on a Friday night or Saturday morning? Then they’re done, dry and ironed for Sunday night? (Or whatever night is the night before your two days off if you work weekends.)

Same with your baby and child - why does it matter so much unless you’ve a special event planned what they’re wearing? And if you’ve a special event planned wouldn’t the outfit normally be laundered already?

Ah, see I don’t separate towels and bedding either!
If it was just me I'd wash it all together but with two adult sized people we need two washes a week so it makes sense to split it.

The OP had commented 60 times on this thread, so I’m thinking she’s a little obsessed with her laundry.

Most of us seem to bung stuff in, and keep an eye out for anything we know will be needed (like a school jumper etc).

It’s only laundry, it’s not rocket science.

@AchillesPoirot

I have a baby and no family support, and a partner who works silly shifts including evenings, nights and weekends. If he's working and I'm on my own, my priority is the baby. After a full week of work and a Friday evening of settling the baby by myself on some weeks, by the time she's finally settled, I often just crash as I'm exhausted. So things do get behind. Partner works in a job where he wears a dark uniform every day. Darks pile up throughout the week when we are at work. When he puts a wash on invariably it tends to be his own stuff that he priorities. So mine, eldest dd and baby's often gets left to me.

The OP had commented 60 times on this thread, so I’m thinking she’s a little obsessed with her laundry.

🙄

Or, I'm just answering people? Like most people do on here?

OP are you running on eco mode? Do you deliberately have a setting that takes 3 hours?
If you have a modern machine and you're running a standard 30/40 degree wash and it's taking 3 hours each time, I'm pretty sure you're overloading your machine otherwise it wouldn't be taking so long.

I had a baby and two other children and no family support. I worked a full time job. I then became a single parent and had a 90 minute commute each way, and I cared for a dying parent by myself. I also went to university and got myself a degree.

I get the being exhausted.

I just don’t think it would be easier if you had a different routine for the washing since it’s stressing you

And I have a new machine. It HAS a 3 hour setting.

I use the 30 min quick wash or the 1hr stain buster wash. I only use the long wash if the machine is going on overnight.

When I put a wash load in the machine, I pick up each item individually and sort of make a mental note

This is as far as I read before making my decision. YABU.

@AchillesPoirot

I had a baby and two other children and no family support. I worked a full time job. I then became a single parent and had a 90 minute commute each way, and I cared for a dying parent by myself. I also went to university and got myself a degree.

I get the being exhausted.

I just don’t think it would be easier if you had a different routine for the washing since it’s stressing you

I went to university 3 times as a single mum to my eldest including completing a PhD. What's your point? Are you trying to say you're a better person than I am because you handled it all so much better and more efficiently? Good for you, well done. I can only aspire to be the efficient person you are, then. Unfortunately, I struggle to keep on top of things. I won't be made to feel inferior because of that.

@Cavagirl

OP are you running on eco mode? Do you deliberately have a setting that takes 3 hours? If you have a modern machine and you're running a standard 30/40 degree wash and it's taking 3 hours each time, I'm pretty sure you're overloading your machine otherwise it wouldn't be taking so long.

No idea what mode we are using tbh! I'll check. Thanks for the tip.

It’s only laundry, it’s not rocket science.

"It's only laundry...
It's only the food shop
It's only cleaning
It's only cooking the tea
It's only sorting the childcare bill
It's only doing eldest child's homework with her
It's only bathing a baby
It's only rocking a baby to sleep for hours every night
it's only driving eldest child to school before work when she misses the bus
It's only the childcare drop off and pick up
It's only a demanding full time job....."

The "onlys" add up a bit, in my world anyway. Small things make my life that tiny bit easier each day. Like DP being able to say "yes" or "no" to me asking "is that item in the wash you just put on?"

I was trying to empathise and be helpful. I was trying to say I get the being exhausted.

Two of my children have special needs of different kinds - one is autistic and one is physically disabled. Are your children disabled?

I’m also autistic (99.9% certain) and I’m physically disabled and I walk with crutches. I also have problems with the grip in my hands. Are you disabled?

Bloody hell - the joys of AIBU. It’s fucking nuts.

@AchillesPoirot

I was trying to empathise and be helpful. I was trying to say I get the being exhausted.

Two of my children have special needs of different kinds - one is autistic and one is physically disabled. Are your children disabled?

I’m also autistic (99.9% certain) and I’m physically disabled and I walk with crutches. I also have problems with the grip in my hands. Are you disabled?

Sorry I didn't realise it was a competition.

No, none of those things apply to me. However I struggle immensely with my mental health due to significant trauma from both childhood and adulthood, and debilitating anxiety at times.

It's not relevant to my post though, so I didn't include it, and I don't know why you're asking that.

@SirChenjins

Bloody hell - the joys of AIBU. It’s fucking nuts.

Yep! 😂

I just hoy the cunts in.

I wash on 30 degrees so colour shouldn’t run.

If people are hanging on for a particular item then that suggests either they don't have enough clothes of a particular type, or the family are really behind on laundry.

I'll go with the second one.

It's difficult to keep on top of especially when DP piles up 6 x pairs of dark trousers and tops every week (uniform for his job). Most darks washes become just his stuff, especially if he's the one to put it on. So you can usually expect nothing else will get touched if he's the one to do it. I'm generally left to sort through mine and DCs as it's still sitting there needing washing. If I didn't work FT and have a baby and a partner working long hours so absent a lot, I might be more on top of it. Although seemingly I just need to try harder as other people can apparently manage it...

Nope. Sort into brights whites and darks and shove it in. I usually subconsciously check there’s some school inform in there too so we don’t have uniformgate at 7am but otherwise no

I am on citalopram for my mental health and propanalol for anxiety.

Actually what the fuck.

It’s washing.

Just do it. Use a faster programme. Your machine will definitely have one. Or do it more often and run the machine overnight. Don’t stress and if life is stressing you this much. Do an online shop. Get a cleaner. Or get your DH to help more with drop off and pick up or pay the childcare bill. Tell the eldest if she misses the bus you’re not taking her to school. Sleep train the baby. Or get your DH to do his share of rocking when his shifts allow.

“I can act on the knowledge, that's the whole point.

If DP says "no sorry, that item didn't make it into the load I've just put in", then I can make a mental not to go and sort it myself when that load is finished in 3 hours. That is: "must put another darks wash on with those trousers in next". I have a 1 year old. My brain is fried and occupied much of the time. It's another thing to add to my own "to do" list.

So yes, it's useful. Albeit annoying.”

Yes, but you can’t act on the knowledge until the load is finished at which point you could look anyway (and you can always look in the washing basket). I suppose if the answer were ‘yes , that item is in the machine’ then you could act on the information and relax. Obviously, the main problem is the man not thinking things through and prioritising properly as others have said.
Oh well. Good luck!

@Sofiegiraffe

If people are hanging on for a particular item then that suggests either they don't have enough clothes of a particular type, or the family are really behind on laundry.

I'll go with the second one.

It's difficult to keep on top of especially when DP piles up 6 x pairs of dark trousers and tops every week (uniform for his job). Most darks washes become just his stuff, especially if he's the one to put it on. So you can usually expect nothing else will get touched if he's the one to do it. I'm generally left to sort through mine and DCs as it's still sitting there needing washing. If I didn't work FT and have a baby and a partner working long hours so absent a lot, I might be more on top of it. Although seemingly I just need to try harder as other people can apparently manage it...

Life is busy and it's easy for it to get on top of you. I slot laundry in around our life, so I shove a load in every other morning usually, then hang it on the inside airers that lunchtime or evening. Whites wait for the sheets and towels wash. Put away whatever bedtime it's dry, I just take it up with DS. It only mounts up when we've been away, where I need to allow time that evening and just suck it up to get back on top.

@ManyATime

“I can act on the knowledge, that's the whole point.

If DP says "no sorry, that item didn't make it into the load I've just put in", then I can make a mental not to go and sort it myself when that load is finished in 3 hours. That is: "must put another darks wash on with those trousers in next". I have a 1 year old. My brain is fried and occupied much of the time. It's another thing to add to my own "to do" list.

So yes, it's useful. Albeit annoying.”

Yes, but you can’t act on the knowledge until the load is finished at which point you could look anyway (and you can always look in the washing basket). I suppose if the answer were ‘yes , that item is in the machine’ then you could act on the information and relax. Obviously, the main problem is the man not thinking things through and prioritising properly as others have said.
Oh well. Good luck!

True, I can't act on it til it's finished , but in all honesty if it's not on my mental to do list, it will slide!

It's probably pertinent to the entire problem that out washing machine and utility room is not inside the main house - we have to go outside and down to the basement. So it's often a case of out of sight, out of mind...... especially when I'm prioritising the baby's needs. If my washing machine was in the kitchen I'd see it as I was cleaning or making tea and just instinctively unload and re load it ...

@Cavagirl

OP are you running on eco mode? Do you deliberately have a setting that takes 3 hours? If you have a modern machine and you're running a standard 30/40 degree wash and it's taking 3 hours each time, I'm pretty sure you're overloading your machine otherwise it wouldn't be taking so long.

Modern machines are made to have long eco programmes, it's normal not something wrong with the machine

My eco programme takes even longer than that but also has programmes that take a shorter time. It's not fancy enough to weigh the washing but like a dishwasher you can choose a longer wash to save water and electricty

I'm sure you must have heard the analogy of driving 100 miles in 3rd gear at 90 mph versus a steady fuel efficient 5th gear mid speed. Both get you to the same place but the latter takes much less petrol

Erm no!

We do several loads a day no time for loading each individual item just shove it in. Separate whites, darks, towels, bedding - that's it.

As for answering queries about where stuff is - there's only so many places it can be. If it's not on their body It's either in the laundry basket, in the wash, in their washing piles or in their wardrobe. If they don't know where an item is - they can look for it I'm not their PA or their housekeeper - I don't have the mental energy to keep track of each item of clothing - that's madness.