Or is this not how anyone does washing?!

[Sofiegiraffe]

Who is BU here, me or DP?

When I put a wash load in the machine, I pick up each item individually and sort of make a mental note of it so I have a rough idea of what is going into the machine (in case anyone asks where an item of their clothing is, or in case I'm wondering "where's that pair of black trousers of mine?", for example).

DP claims to just "pick up a load of stuff and shove it in". He doesn't put them in one by one. So if it's a darks wash that he's put on, and I ask "are my black trousers in that wash?" or "is DD's pink dress in that colours wash by any chance?", he won't know. All he knows is that he shoved a load of dark or coloured stuff in.

He thinks that's a perfectly reasonable way to do the washing. I think surely no one else does this? Surely most people look at what they're putting in so they at least have a rough idea of what's going in?!

Who is BU? Please settle this once and for all!

Shove it in split by colours and whites.

If it's not hung up in a wardrobe it's in the wash or on the line or in the dryer.

I have a spreadsheet with a tab for each person. When the laundry is assembled I check in each item of clothing according to person and fabric/colour, and allocate it to a wash - jeans, light tops, red and orange, black, white, and the green/blues. I normally end up with about 4-5 piles depending on what’s going on that day and if there are a load of delicates, and then I can add them to the correct wash cycle.

Hahaha, no, only kidding. I just chuck them in.

Shove in here, obviously lights and darks separate

Lights v darks pre separated in washing basket (one of those split baskets). Grab one load or the other then shove it in lol

@Ladylalaboo1

I understand what you mean,it's not like you go out of your way to physically check each item it's just a conscious thing where you collect the items you know need washing and just mentally make a note of them and remember, I have 3 young kids so often there is a lot of washing, more than just one load so I tend to wash things that I might need first, especially if it is uniform so I always know what's being washed and what isn't. Just a habit I've got into and isn't an effort or anything!

Another one who understands. I feel far less alone now than when I started the thread.

But you can't seriously expect your DH to do the same as you. If you want to know for what ever reason do it yourself .

I do. 80% of the time. For all members of the household. It's exhausting, frankly, on top of a FT job. Hence why those little things like roughly knowing what's in a particular load at any time is immensely helpful.

@IsSpringSprangedYet

I might note that DS4's school trousers aren't in the wash so I must make sure they go before Monday, or if I want a particular dress of DD's to be clean, then I'll make a mental note of those... but apart from that, all washing just goes in.

This is the type of thing I'm talking about. DP doesn't do this. Why? Because I carry the mental load of our entire household, and must plan for us all, of course.

I do exactly the same as you OP. An extra check that prevents shrinking and running accidents. Plus none of us has loads of clothes so we might need particular items for work etc. (2 adults 2 teens)

Like, he wouldn't put a load of whites in on a weekend and think "must make sure eldest DD's school tops are in there". Funnily enough he always manages quite well to make sure his own stuff needed for work is in that particular wash, though...... 🤔

Haven’t read past the first page but just commenting to say I do it the same way you do Op. I like to put things in individually so that I can put the most dirty items at the bottom, and things like socks/underwear etc also always go at the bottom.

I’m not a clean freak by any means but just like to organise.

I wouldn’t worry about a particular outfit for DC unless we were going some where and if that was the case I wouldn’t be washing it the day before

School uniform always was done on a Friday evening. How do you get it dry otherwise ?

Well it's either in the washer or dryer or washing basket, ironing basket or bedroom so I suggest telling anyone who asks to look in the places they can see or wait for the machine to finish.
You're making work for yourself.

The most roundabout way of looking for sympathy because your husband is a tool!

So in answer to your question , yes your husband is u to not know that if he’s doing washing on a Sunday he should prioritise uniforms & your work clothes. He shouldn’t need direction.

Stop being a workhorse. Another poster up thread said their husband sorts the drying & putting away. That might work.

Unless I've put a wash on for a particular item then filled up the machine I wouldn't know what was in the machine.

But to be fair I am peri menopausal with brain fog - I'm surprised if I've remembered I've put a wash on, never mind what was in it!

My eldest does sometimes ask is my .... in the wash. My answer always is I don't know.

YABU, I just grab and shove

The only step of the process where I pay attention is when it needs to be redistributed to the owner.

i just shove it all in. then when DC ask where X is I say try to utility room (clean washing pile), the washing machine (unlucky kids), the dryer or the dirty washing hamper (sniff test time if you're desperate for it).

Goodness, I live on my own so it's only my washing and I haven't a clue what is where most of the time. 'Somewhere in the system' about covers it.

Except for socks, which follow their own rules.

@Sofiegiraffe

Like, he wouldn't put a load of whites in on a weekend and think "must make sure eldest DD's school tops are in there". Funnily enough he always manages quite well to make sure his own stuff needed for work is in that particular wash, though...... 🤔

That's at least 8 of us now.

@Foreignmumof2

Haven’t read past the first page but just commenting to say I do it the same way you do Op. I like to put things in individually so that I can put the most dirty items at the bottom, and things like socks/underwear etc also always go at the bottom.

I’m not a clean freak by any means but just like to organise.

Wrong quote below!

Was supposed to quote this one 😂

@Sofiegiraffe

Like, he wouldn't put a load of whites in on a weekend and think "must make sure eldest DD's school tops are in there". Funnily enough he always manages quite well to make sure his own stuff needed for work is in that particular wash, though...... 🤔

I really don't get this.

It sounds as if you need to get a rota sorted as well as the washing!
If your kids need their uniform, and don't have enough to last the week, then it either gets done mid week or at a weekend. End of. Not hard.

It's a long time since our DCs lived at home, but when I did the washing(yes, it was me) I'd empty their laundry basket and ours. The coloureds would go in all together, or 2 loads if too many.

I think it's a case of you both not communicating and being disorganised.

The focus in your OP is all wrong. It’s not about knowing every item that’s in the wash, it’s about prioritising the essentials when putting the wash on.

If you’d said “AIBU to expect that when DH does the washing he makes sure school and work clothes get done” you’d have got very different answers!

Obviously it’s not unreasonable that an adult should be able to make sure school/work uniform is prioritised.

YANBU I always sure through what's waiting to be washed and ensure that what goes on the machine is what needs to be washed most urgently. DH just shoves stuff in regardless, which has resulted in kids not having uniforms, and me not having any underwear, on occasion.
It's really frustrating!