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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this meeting is too far to travel to?

140 replies

Martha5983 · 17/04/2022 07:43

I joined a new team at work during the lockdown. The team live all over the UK.

A 2 hour face to face meeting and lunch has been arranged in May. I’m only allowed overnight accommodation in very specific circumstances- for example if I complete a site visit the following day. It starts at 11.30 to ‘allow travel on the day’. The journey will be 6 hours - meaning that to attend the meeting I’ll need to be on a train at 5:30 - probably up at around 4am. Journey home will mean I am home around 10pm. I don’t have a company car and my normal working week is 9-3 four days a week.

It’s in the middle of my daughters SATS week - so I’m not keen on an overnight for that reason.

I feel pressured to go because it’s important for team building and on the basis that I’ve worked from home and travelled minimally for the last few years. I don’t mind being flexible with my working pattern. But even before covid the max travel I’ve done in one day would have been a journey of around 2 hours.

AIBU to say that this journey is unreasonable and that I’ll join remotely or will I risk looking like I’m not a team player and miss out on the face to face contact?

OP posts:

SoManyTshirts · 17/04/2022 09:29

I used to do 4 hour mostly train each way commutes for meetings every few weeks, I found 7am train for 11:00 meeting was OK and would be home about 21:40.

However, trying to catch the 6am for a 10:00 meeting just meant my brain was completely scrambled when I got there. Working the day before, no real downtime but sleep. My employers were understanding and allowed me an overnight for early ones.

JurasicPerks · 17/04/2022 09:36

I reckon the people setting the meeting wont have factored in the rural location of your home. From just glancing at a map, it doesnt look unreasonable. But 12 hrs of travel makes for a long day.

I'd go, but investigate faster routes. The Peterborough suggestion is good. Anywhere closer with a major train station?

DH's work does this, but they rotate the major office they go to. Sometimes it's a horrible journey. Sometimes it's an hour up the road.
I'd say go, especially to the first one. If it's in Manchester everytime, and not particularly beneficial, dont go to all in the future, but do go to thus first one.

dropoutdoreen · 17/04/2022 09:38

Is this a regular thing or once in a blue moon? If the latter, suck it up and go

Longingforsunshine · 17/04/2022 09:38

I live near Norwich. You can fly direct Norwich to Manchester. I have done that for a meeting before. Otherwise I insist on an overnight stay, that much travelling in one day would likely be against their travel policy

Southwest12 · 17/04/2022 09:43

I'd do that far on a train, but not that train. Some days that service is only half the carriages and really old and uncomfortable seats. Even if they send the correct train its pretty rubbish compared to the trains they run on the mainline.

Pluvia · 17/04/2022 09:51

I regularly (once a month) had to do these kind of journeys with one of my jobs. The worst was Cardiff to Cambridge, which was the same length journey as yours and involved battling my way on the tube in rush hour. If it's just a one-off getting-to-meet-you meeting then just get on with doing it. Make sure in advance you'll get TOIL. My job was a new project and no one had thought it through properly, so they'd assumed they wouldn't have to pay me for the 10-hour+ journey. They changed their tune when I resigned. Take books, food, a flask and load an audio book on your phone. I used the time to read, sort out lots of domestic issues, send emails and have a snooze. And you get 10 hours TOIL for when you need a day or two off.

SafelySoftly · 17/04/2022 09:51

I’d go OP. Take the more environmentally friendly option of the train. You can work both ways using train WiFi.

LakieLady · 17/04/2022 09:56

@BIWI

Just looking at the Trainline, there's a 6.04 train from Norwich that arrives into Manchester at 10.46, which is a 30 minute later start than in your OP, and a journey time of 4hr 42 mins. Unless you live 80 minutes away from the station, it's not a 6 hour journey!

TBH, having to catch at train at 6am really isn't that much of a hardship and it does all sound like you're looking for reasons not to want to go. As PP have said, do you want to be that person?!

If there's a suitably convenient train back, the OP could be home by 7-ish after a meeting that ends at 1.30, so I need to revise my vote to YABU!

It's a bastard long day, but as long as they don't make a habit of it, I think it would be best to suck it up, tbh. You don't want to be That Member of the Team, OP!

Cross country travel in this country is a nightmare imo. You could get from Brighton to Newcastle in that sort of time, because it's in and out of London.

DropYourSword · 17/04/2022 10:01

Clearly I've lived a sheltered life as I think a 12 hour round trip for a 2 hour team meeting is bloody ludicrous!!

bumblingbovine49 · 17/04/2022 10:01

ffs, what the hell does it matter how old the car is, I'd not want to do 12 hours of driving in one day for a 2 hour meeting, whatever kind of car it was No-one in their right mind would in my opinion

OP I completely agree that this is a completely unacceptable distance to travel in one day for work and am with you on that. I'm afraid however that if the company is willing to pay for one night of accommodation, I have the view that you should go.

I appreciate that you have things going on at home that make this difficult but I do think you should attend as it is such a rare occurrence. I would not however be spending my own money on a hotel and I would contact the company to say that unless they are willing to pay for a hotel I wouldn't be going as a 10-12 hour return journey (either via car or train) was an unacceptable length of time to travel to and from work. I'd probably offer to take the day as leave (not what I'd want to waste leave on but hey ho), unpaid leave if necessary or something else but I would hold the line at not travelling that amount of time without an overnight stay paid for, But that is just what I would do as I could afford to take an unpaid day and it would be worth it to me to miss such unpleasant day

They could then either sack me (highly unlikely though I suppose you know best if this is likely to happen in your job), pay for accommodation, let me miss the meeting either via leave or just letting me not go or letting me attend remotely.

In the end you need to decide your line and stick to it. Mine would be to attend but only of a hotel stay was provided. Yours might be to take a day of leave or to outright refuse to go. What would they d if you did that?

BIWI · 17/04/2022 10:01

But it isn't a 12 hour round trip ...

theleafandnotthetree · 17/04/2022 10:42

@CaitoftheCantii

People who think their work life is ‘social’ drive me nuts. I’m there to work, not to socialise. I’ll buy some communal biscuits and pass the time of day, but I’m not treating colleagues as my ‘work family’. Especially those who turn a simple two hour meeting into a two day jolly…

Well people who treat their colleagues like an annoyance drive me nuts. It is entirely possible to do ones work well AND enjoy and benefit from the company of others and a sense of collective purpose. If you have never had that experience- I have had it in most jobs I've had - then I actually feel sorry for you.

bumblingbovine49 · 17/04/2022 10:53

@BIWI

But it isn't a 12 hour round trip ...

6 hours each way is a 12 hour round trip A train journey that is close to 5 hours long can l easily end up being around 6 hours hours door to door. Doing that each way is a 11-12 hour round trip , unless I am going bonkers

Hbh17 · 17/04/2022 11:12

Hire a car - will probably be cheaper than the train.

Fuuuuuckit · 17/04/2022 11:23

@bumblingbovine49 OP herself said its 4.45 journey, so 9.5 hours altogether.

Yeah, it's a ballache. But it's a one-off. She also said she's been wfh for however long, and her nearest office is 30 mins away. Only takes a fortnight working in the office before she's hit 10h commuting time.

BIWI · 17/04/2022 11:24

@bumblingbovine49 if you'd read all the posts you'd see that it isn't a 12 hour round trip, despite what was in the OP.

Bumblefuzz · 17/04/2022 11:25

I used to do some really long days with hours of travel. I live in the W Mids and quite often had 8am meetings in London and 10am in Dublin. I worked out the cheats like make-up on the train, breakfast bars in laptop bag, grab a coffee at the station cafe (I'm not a fan of train drinks) and always book a table seat with a charging point. I used to work on the train on the way there and then read my Kindle or watch pre-downloaded TV on the way back. Not sure I'd want to go back to all the travel (although I still have to get up at 5.30am now) but as a one off it's not bad.

alltheteeshirts · 17/04/2022 11:28

You said they have offices all over the UK - but what's your official place of work? Is it your home? Is it the office that's nearest to you? Or do you officially belong to one of the offices that is hours and hours away?

The above would determine how (un)reasonable I thought the request to travel in was.

MargeSimpson79 · 17/04/2022 11:34

I think it’s quite clear that this is not a regular occurrence so you really ought to make the effort to be there.

C8H10N4O2 · 17/04/2022 11:39

@alltheteeshirts

The above would determine how (un)reasonable I thought the request to travel in was.

Agree, it depends on which is your base office contractually and what the T&C say about travel for internal meetings.

If they don't cover overnights for internal meetings as a one off you could travel in the evening to a B&B and fund it yourself. If it were regular I'd expect them to fund it or for you to be based out of that office. However this kind of thing varies by industry so check your T&C.

Why do you think one day away will affect your daughter's SATS?

CaitoftheCantii · 17/04/2022 11:42

Don’t feel sorry for me - I said nothing about colleagues being an annoyance, that’s you projecting @theleafandnotthetree

CarryonCovid · 17/04/2022 12:48

Manchester is fairly central to England anyway so I would think fair enough as a central meeting place and nice that it's not in London.

Travellingraspberry · 17/04/2022 15:55

@Martha5983 had another thought (must be the power of the easter eggs!) to make it all a bit easier. What if the day before the meeting you saw your DD home from school, had dinner and then set off to Peterborough, stay in a cheap hotel, hopefully Premier Inn or somewhere would have a £29 deal on. Then you've only got the Peterborough to Manchester leg to do in the morning which seems a lot less stressful. Coming home after the meeting you can do all in one and hopefully manageable as you'd not have had a ridiculously early start

Orangesox · 17/04/2022 16:00

I don’t like train journeys personally, so I would request that the business allowed me to hire a car if my vehicle wasn’t up to it / I didn’t want to put those miles on.

I used to have to travel on this level every 12 weeks for a full day of training and clinical governance. It was irritating at best, but I would ensure that TOIL was in place to make up for the hours wasted on the motorway.

Given you’re not exactly in the highlands, and they have offices all over the country, I would be asking if the day could be arranged at an office that was as equidistant as possible for everyone attending. If company policy dictates that it should be closest to as many people as possible, then I would expect them to make this as comfortable and easy as possible for me to attend if everyone else has considerably easier journeys.

SirChenjins · 17/04/2022 16:06

No way would I do 12 hours of travel for a two hour meeting. If lockdown and wfh has taught us anything it’s that very few meetings can’t be done remotely and that we’ve spent far too many hours of our lives travelling all over the country to appease people who like a jolly. Tell them you’ll dial in OP.

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