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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you date someone with missing teeth?

258 replies

Claddinghell · 16/04/2022 20:07

Went on a date with a really nice guy. Ticked boxes and was attracted to him. However he had teeth missing. His top front tooth and few teeth towards the front. Very noticeable, but the cresting his teeth were white a like after. His pictures online had no pictures showing his teeth.

I told him a story of a tooth abscess during lockdown 1 when everything was closed. Told him that I had to get massive repair when everything opened. Thought this might provoke a conversation on his teeth. Sort of I had an accident they are getting fixed. But nothing.

My teeth are not the best and I do have a back tooth missing due to injury with a cherry pip and failed root canal.

Wouid you continue to date. It’s really noticeable

OP posts:
whitewashing · 17/04/2022 09:45

I was born with no teeth at all…

LetHimHaveIt · 17/04/2022 09:48

The scale is based on permanent, not deciduous teeth. It'll be interesting to see the impact of the pandemic, but oral health in the UK - as a country - is very good.

Quincythequince · 17/04/2022 09:51

@LetHimHaveIt

The scale is based on permanent, not deciduous teeth. It'll be interesting to see the impact of the pandemic, but oral health in the UK - as a country - is very good.
That’s good to hear tbh. Especially since we often hear about lack of accessibility to dental treatment here in the UK.
Yerroblemom1923 · 17/04/2022 09:51

@Bagelsandbrie I didn't realise they wouldn't fix them and it was considered "cosmetic" if they were broken/black etc I couldn't bear it!

bellac11 · 17/04/2022 09:51

@Yerroblemom1923

Can't you get them done on the NHS though? Isn't dental care free if you're on certain types of benefits? I always wondered why the Jeremy Kyle contestants didn't get theirs fixed cheap as they were usually out of work.....?
So naive.
Herejustforthisone · 17/04/2022 09:51

I wouldn’t. I’d probably feel a bit judgmental and unkind but no, it would be a real issue for me. I’m really big on dental hygiene and spend a lot of time and money on my own teeth.

timestheyarechanging · 17/04/2022 09:52

A lot of mean and privileged people on here today! Have some empathy please.

I had perfect teeth - had my first filling at 32. Always had regular dental checks and brushed and flossed. Once I had my children they started deteriorating, I did nothing different, they just started crumbling! I have had 3 back teeth removed after root canals and very painful abscesses but you can't see the gap when I smile. The front bottom ones are now detiorsting and I've no idea why. I'm saving to get them fixed but it's soooooo expensive.

My partner doesn't have perfect teeth but none missing. He has 2 'wolf teeth' so he too is saving to get them fixed. The dental industry is going to benefit much from us two!

Sorry for those who want to but can't afford to get their teeth fixed - maybe the braggers on here can pay for them?

IDontHaveAnOutingHobby · 17/04/2022 09:55

@whitewashing

I was born with no teeth at all…
Very good!

My adult teeth were missing and never came

Stravaig · 17/04/2022 09:56

I'd just have asked about his teeth, OP. Very much in the spirit of 'Can I just ask about? Did you hurt yourself? Is there a story/adventure behind?' Not on any other social occasion, but on a first date, where you're explicitly there to check each other out, just ask.

I like direct, so you fishing by telling a story about your own teeth seems manipulative and dishonest to me.

You say you're attracted to him. So what bothers you about his teeth? Is it what other people will think and say? That is unworthy. Though apparently realistic, given some of the comments here.

Quincythequince · 17/04/2022 10:00

@whitewashing

I was born with no teeth at all…
😆👍🏻
Saz12 · 17/04/2022 10:02

Fine not to date someone you don’t find attractive.

I’m staggered at the nastiness about teeth though- there are all sorts of reasons people loose them, or have gaps or messed up teeth, and it’s not usually poor hygiene if it’s in someone younger. Maybe he’s mid-treatment, maybe hes saving, maybe he’s not into appearances, maybe ... whatever.

VainAbigail · 17/04/2022 10:11

He has a really good job in healthcare , so would think he might have some savings to get it fixed

And now your judging him on what you think his finances should be?!

Don’t date him again, he can do so much better than you.

Somanyquestions1984 · 17/04/2022 10:11

Great put off for eating Easter chocolates! Must be a load of dentists in here today.

Quincythequince · 17/04/2022 10:17

My son is missing an adult tooth (my brothers were also born with missing adult teeth - in our case it’s genetic).

This was picked up by dentists at a routine childhood dentist checkup when he was little.

As a result, and on the NHS, he was entitled to dental treatment to move his teeth around so that if/when the baby tooth falls out, an adult sized tooth can be implanted in if need be.

This was done on The NHS so cost nothing. The implant obviously will, which when it happens and assuming he is not financially secure, I will pay for.

The treatment however was making sure the rest of his mouth stayed in good shaped because even one errant/missing tooth, can cause big problems.

Missing teeth will eventually cause problems. A mouth is designed to have teeth in it, in certain places and one chink in that can have long-term effects.

It’s off-putting, even if it’s not his fault!

Just how it is 🤷🏼‍♀️

HappydaysArehere · 17/04/2022 10:18

@GivenchyDahhling

Absolutely not. Total dealbreaker. You can get implants everywhere now for a few grand so no excuses.
Not as easy as you think. I know people who have had terrible problems with implants and have had to have them taken out. Also if several teeth need doing then not everyone is able to chuck a”few grand” at the problem.
IDontHaveAnOutingHobby · 17/04/2022 10:20

@Quincythequince

My son is missing an adult tooth (my brothers were also born with missing adult teeth - in our case it’s genetic).

This was picked up by dentists at a routine childhood dentist checkup when he was little.

As a result, and on the NHS, he was entitled to dental treatment to move his teeth around so that if/when the baby tooth falls out, an adult sized tooth can be implanted in if need be.

This was done on The NHS so cost nothing. The implant obviously will, which when it happens and assuming he is not financially secure, I will pay for.

The treatment however was making sure the rest of his mouth stayed in good shaped because even one errant/missing tooth, can cause big problems.

Missing teeth will eventually cause problems. A mouth is designed to have teeth in it, in certain places and one chink in that can have long-term effects.

It’s off-putting, even if it’s not his fault!

Just how it is 🤷🏼‍♀️

I had that done but as an adult the teeth that were moved become weak- so beware. Apparently it isnt advised.
the80sweregreat · 17/04/2022 10:24

I'm gutted I have two missing back teeth , implants are enormously expensive and I did everything in my power to save them ( root canal treatment etc)
I wouldn't judge anyone with missing teeth as it's not always neglect , I have always looked after my teeth , was unlucky with having to have them removed in the end :(
I hate my gaps.

Quincythequince · 17/04/2022 10:25

Yep I dont you are right. That can and does happen.
He only had one missing, so was very lucky as almost no movement required.

whumpthereitis · 17/04/2022 10:35

No, I wouldn’t find that attractive. Upon first meeting a prospective partner you genuinely do want to be sexually attracted to them, as well as find them to be a good person. Bad teeth were a turn off to me when I was dating (married now), and I make no apologies for that. If that makes me shallow then so be it. I’m sure there’s things about my physical appearance that people didn’t find attractive and weren’t interested because of that, and that’s fine. It’s life. No one is going to be attractive to everyone.

ItWasGoodWhileItLastedRVN123 · 17/04/2022 10:43

@LetHimHaveIt

In what sense are crooked teeth 'bad' teeth? Nuts.

It's also the case that foetuses are often like tiny succubi, and leech all the nutrients from your body, leading to 'bad' teeth. My friend has 'nice' teeth, but they're crumbling and she'll have to have loads of expensive dental work done in the not too distant future.

I'd love to meet some of the posters who regularly manage to allude to their own attractiveness. I bet they're not half as smokin' as they clearly think they are.

This isn't strictly true and a bit of an old wives tale. What is known is that dental changes in pregnancy are actually caused by hormonal variations. Progesterone can temporarily loosen tissues in the body so that the gum line changes and is more prone to infection because of inflammation etc. Sore gums can also mean less brushing and flossing if it's painful to do so.

Hormonal changes also increase acidity in the mouth which can affect the teeth.
Also, dietary habits change during pregnancy which can affect dental health, as well as "morning" sickness which can cause acid erosion on the teeth.

The old saying "lose a tooth for every child" is not necessarily true. It's not like the foetus is sucking all the nutrients from your body. We know now that it's mainly hormonal, which is why the NHS provide free dental treatment to pregnant women.

LetHimHaveIt · 17/04/2022 10:52

It amounts to the same thing, though. It's dental problems caused by something other than bad diet and hygiene.

ImInStealthMode · 17/04/2022 11:01

I don't know that it would bother me. DP's teeth are all there but they're all over the place. He's paid £1000s for alignment twice and they've steadily migrated back into the melee they feel at home in, so he's given up now.

I'd rather be with a good Man with physical imperfections than someone who looks perfect on the outside but hides his imperfections below the surface.

Bagelsandbrie · 17/04/2022 11:26

[quote Yerroblemom1923]@Bagelsandbrie I didn't realise they wouldn't fix them and it was considered "cosmetic" if they were broken/black etc I couldn't bear it![/quote]
I know you’re just naive and that’s ok, at least you’re trying to understand but this kind of lack of understanding is exactly why so many people don’t have empathy for those with bad teeth.

They think you either pay to get them fixed (money many don’t have, especially with the energy increases etc at the moment) or the NHS will fix them for you - wrong. And then there’s the whole other aspect that many people don’t even have the bone density / jaw structure to be able to get them fixed even if they wanted to because of other health issues.

It’s not nice to have bad teeth, it’s not nice to look at bad teeth but it really isn’t a case of “just getting them fixed”.

BojoMamanBebe · 17/04/2022 13:00

@Quincythequince

This thread is terrible. Why are people so shocked that some people won’t date someone with missing teeth? People date who they are attracted to and if looks were high on your list (I have no opinion on that) then missing teeth would be a deal-breaker.

I see no issue here.

And the comments about not dating someone with MH issues either? Really!!

FWIW my DH has terrible teeth (had several knocked out as a kid etc) although he has false teeth in so you really can’t tell, and he has good dental hygiene, so it’s not an issue.

People are allowed to not be attracted to something as big a deal as missing teeth, especially if you’re venturing out dating. This isn’t remotely comparable to an existing pattern developing issues.

Nobody's shocked that op doesn't want to date the man. She can date who she wants. It's the views of the cunty PPs that are the issue. This thread IS terrible, nasty and ignorant.
Jewel1968 · 17/04/2022 13:18

There is a lot of luck involved with teeth. My DB had terrible dental hygiene (never brushed his teeth) but never had any problems although they were a bit discoloured. And he ate loads of sweet stuff. My kids have perfect or near perfect teeth with no or little intervention. They have reasonable hygiene but mostly it's luck and maybe cos I breastfed them for ages. DP who is scrupulous with his dental hygiene is inclined to get decay so again luck. Mine are pretty good despite my not being scrupulous in the past - refer you back to my brother and you might get the gist on how dental hygiene was viewed. As I said a lot of luck is involved and luck can change e.g. a car accident.

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