Page 4 | To think you can’t get away with an affair?

Quincythequince · 18/04/2022 00:05

Tell us you’ll tell her you discussed this online in preset to help her. Are you going to do that?

Quincythequince · 18/04/2022 00:06

order (not preset) - bloody broken screen

LetitiaLeghorn · 18/04/2022 00:10

In Coronation Street affairs always come out.
In real life, not so much.

Quincythequince · 18/04/2022 00:13

I Don’t drink OP.

And even if I did, Don’t try to deflect from your shitty behaviour.

TheMoreYouKnow · 18/04/2022 00:22

I think women are more likely to get away with it than men as they're less intuitive generally. I'd still be her friend.

housemaus · 18/04/2022 00:51

Someone I know arranged for his mistress and her family to be on holiday at the same resort as him, his wife and their kids at the same time so they could meet up.

Neither of the other partners found out - he said he was on the local golf courses, she said she was off at the spa.

The affair did come out eventually, he got lazy, but I was gobsmacked how much he got away with. They'd been seeing each other about a year at that point - so got away with it for quite a while.

I'm sure more people are getting away with it every day, but we only hear about the ones who don't.

Original poster

Hiphopfrogger · 18/04/2022 00:54

Tut tut @Quincythequince, didn’t your mum ever tell you when too resort to swearing and insults you’ve already lost the argument?

Thanks to all the posters who have kept responding and ignored this nonsense.

OP posts:

Original poster

Hiphopfrogger · 18/04/2022 00:54

You, not too, obv

OP posts:

Quincythequince · 18/04/2022 00:58

LOL. Keep deflecting OP. Keep deflecting.
I’d rather a friend that said ‘shitty’ on occasion than one who gossiped about me on a forum, behind my back.

And why pray tell does this have anything to do with my mother??
Low level disdain for women generally seeping out of your posts.

Quincythequince · 18/04/2022 01:00

And accusing someone of drinking (when they’re not) because you don’t like what they have to say, isn’t intended to be an insult

🤣🤣

Would you like to read your last post again?

Divebar2021 · 18/04/2022 01:00

I think the use of the term “affair” is misleading. A lot of the infidelity I know about from the guys at work is casual and opportunistic- one guy shagged a chambermaid in a hotel he was staying for example. One guy got a BJ with a work colleague, one guy had his girlfriend to stay in the hotel he was away in so had to tell a colleague who was in a room below him. One guy goes swinging and has a “friend” he goes with - wife doesn’t know. Only the guy with the girlfriend got caught and even then his fiancé went on to marry him ( he has strayed since). It’s the emotional relationships that are the most risky - when you take risks to message or see them when it’s likely to be noticed. If you have one night stands or very casual hook ups it much less likely to result in detection.

JulesRimetStillGleaming · 18/04/2022 01:12

I know of two people who have had affairs undiscovered for years: one 20 years, the other five. It's possible to hide it.

Hawkins001 · 18/04/2022 01:23

@Hiphopfrogger

My best friend is having an affair. It’s been going on for around 3 months and her husband is utterly oblivious (despite some rather obvious signs that I think female intuition would be alert too should the situation be reversed).

AIBU to think it’s all going to come crashing down at some point? From reading the relationships board, it seems like the affairs are usually discovered. But as I say, on mumsnet we usually get the woman’s perspective and maybe men don’t pick up on the signs so easily.

Not all are easily noticeable, as long as both parties stick to a prescribed methods of keeping commons business talk only, no paper trail e.g. Cash only, all time accounted for or the affair activities built into other activities ect, then it's possible, then the only other factor is no one confessing to the affair.

Hawkins001 · 18/04/2022 01:27

@Hiphopfrogger

Years? But how? All the subterfuge must be exhausting!

Not always, depends on the details, besides similar mindset as being an intelligence or military operators, memorizing a cover story and have arranged meets under the guise of e.g. Walking the dog, or a swimming session ect.

Hawkins001 · 18/04/2022 01:30

@Hiphopfrogger

The affair partner in this situation is single so seems like a bit of a loose cannon. He’s got no reason to keep the secret in the way that my friend does.

To keep the affair operational, he would be better placed to keep it under cover so to speak. To ensure the affair continues

Hawkins001 · 18/04/2022 01:33

@5128gap

Its much easier to get away with if the primary partner is quite disinterested, wrapped up in themselves and their work or interests, and/or doesn't think too much about their partner as long as their own needs are met. So I'm sure a lot of women could get away with it if they so chose. I did read once that they key was for neither party to ever tell a soul and to never ever admit it if challenged. Then all anyone would have on them would be things they could explain away, like being spotted somewhere together. Unless they're actually caught in the act, it's almost impossible to prove an actual physical affair. They usually come to light because one AP cracks under questioning.

Pretty much true,

DrSbaitso · 18/04/2022 06:10

@Hiphopfrogger

The affair partner in this situation is single so seems like a bit of a loose cannon. He’s got no reason to keep the secret in the way that my friend does.

Presumably he's got no reason to tell, either.

NumberTheory · 18/04/2022 06:26

Most of the affairs I know about have not got back to the partners of those involved. One woman I know was seeing a married man for about 10 years, he ended up leaving his wife without the (now Ex-)wife finding out and they got married a couple of years later with his Ex thinking they had only got together after the divorce.

So I disagree that it’s inevitable. But there are no guarantees.

Philisophigal · 18/04/2022 06:36

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn at the user's request.

Zymphonics · 18/04/2022 07:09

Not unreasonable. Someone will slip up or someone will tell... And they'd deserve what's coming. If I knew what you knew I'd be telling her husband and she would be no friend of mine anymore. Friends who are deceitful and untrustworthy aren't valuable friends and have no place in my life. I'd actually be a horrible person myself holding that secret and remaining friends with someone who I knew was cheating.... People like that have no place in my life I value myself more than that. And I'd also have more respect for her other half than to know and not tell him (yet be fine to post about it and the fact I was watching it all go down... )

DrSbaitso · 18/04/2022 07:16

@Zymphonics

Not unreasonable. Someone will slip up or someone will tell... And they'd deserve what's coming. If I knew what you knew I'd be telling her husband and she would be no friend of mine anymore. Friends who are deceitful and untrustworthy aren't valuable friends and have no place in my life. I'd actually be a horrible person myself holding that secret and remaining friends with someone who I knew was cheating.... People like that have no place in my life I value myself more than that. And I'd also have more respect for her other half than to know and not tell him (yet be fine to post about it and the fact I was watching it all go down...

)

If someone is inevitably going to slip up or tell, why do you need get involved?

Zymphonics · 18/04/2022 07:23

If someone is inevitably going to slip up or tell, why do you need get involved?

Why wouldn't I? Eventually someone will slip up but why wait for that to happen when the OP knows? Perhaps she has no respect for the husband of the friend but I'd be wiping said friend and letting the husband know. Don't need friends like that.

But thanks for jumping on my post about what I would do.. Honoured you care 😁 and going by your query I assume you wouldn't care enough to let the husband know.. Says a bit about you too.. Enjoy!

sandgrown · 18/04/2022 07:27

Ex husband was a builder . He was working on a contract away from home and invited a close friend’s husband to work with them. They had been married for years and were very close. He began behaving very strangely and his wife became suspicious. They always used to go to the pub for a drink before returning home on Friday evening. My friend said to me if he didn’t come straight home to her and the children his bags would be in the street . I was a good friend of his too so I warned him . His reaction was to ask why it was ok for my husband to have a “fling” but not him. It turns out my ex husband had also been sleeping with someone !

DrSbaitso · 18/04/2022 07:50

@Zymphonics

If someone is inevitably going to slip up or tell, why do you need get involved?

Why wouldn't I? Eventually someone will slip up but why wait for that to happen when the OP knows? Perhaps she has no respect for the husband of the friend but I'd be wiping said friend and letting the husband know. Don't need friends like that.

But thanks for jumping on my post about what I would do.. Honoured you care 😁 and going by your query I assume you wouldn't care enough to let the husband know.. Says a bit about you too.. Enjoy!

I responded to your post. That's how discussion forums work. You must know that, because you responded to mine. With a baseless insult thrown in.

Why wouldn't you? Well, because, like I said, if you're so sure it'll fall apart without your input, why do you think your input is required?

You don't take well to questioning your thought processes, do you?

hamdden12 · 18/04/2022 07:51

Honestly if you are careful and cover your tracks well you can hide it for a long time. I'm not proud but I've been having an affair for a while and whilst we've had a few close calls (mainly due to us getting complacent), it's been easy to hide.

If you always pay in cash, regularly delete your call history and texts, meet during the day and most importantly don't tell anyone at all because as you can see from some of the replies on this thread a lot of people don't and won't keep your secret.

It is a lot easier when you have a partner who doesn't pay you attention because they don't notice the signs that are obviously there. My AP has the problem that his wife has noticed the change in his behaviour but at the moment can't actually prove anything. My husband has noticed too but he's not mentioned it like she has, she's outright asked if my AP is having an affair.

Do I think my affair will stay hidden forever? Probably not if I'm honest because karma has a way of catching up with everyone. The difficulty your friend will have is when he wants more because he's single, I've seen so many affairs get exposed by the party who are single and have nothing to lose. The awkward part for you is when it comes out you'll be the bad one for knowing and not saying anything, that's another reason why I won't tell anyone because I don't want to drag them into my web of lies and deceit.

It's also very mentally draining living a double life and this is why people get found out. It's so hard to hide your emotions sometimes and they are what will give you away. If I could go back and someone had told me I'd end up in this situation I'd have run a mile because it's hard being in love with someone you can't have and I'd tell anyone who's embarking on an affair to have a long hard think about it before it starts because once you catch feelings for that person it's unstoppable and your life will revolve around your next opportunity for a phone call or meeting with your AP.

If we were brave enough we'd both leave and start a life together but there's complications that at this time prevent us from doing so, and yes I know I'm a walking cliché before anyone jumps on and tells me. I also know how bad a person I am and how selfish I'm being, trust me there's no one harder on myself than me so there's nothing anyone can say that I haven't already told myself but the truth is I can't give up my affair and probably won't until I get caught.

Whatever happens when I do get caught I'd have brought upon myself and I'm fully prepared for the consequences and the aftermath of it and I know I'll deserve everything everyone will say about me.