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To think that DD's teacher was a bit harsh this morning?

62 replies

sunflowervalley · 09/01/2008 09:35

Just got back from taking DD to school.
She is in reception and has just started back on Monday where she is now doing full days until 3pm.

She is still having issues with using the school's toilets so for the time being she is taking pull ups into school with her but is reluctant for anyone to change her at lunchtime.

This morning her teacher had a word with me in front of DD and said she would'nt let anyone take her to the toilet yesterday and was she ok when she got home.
I said yes she was fine.

She then proceeded to say we need to get her to use the toilet so will take her today and show her around the cloakroom but admited most of the children don't like the cloakrooms so she would take her to another toilet.
DD got very anxious at that point and was looking worried and the teacher said
"come on E.... ,we will try it today"
to which DD replied "no" quite firmly.

Then suddenly the teacher grabbed DD's hand and started pulling her into class saying you can come in on your own today without mummy as you have just been very rude.
DD was really upset and tried to pull away and she was pulling her the other way.

I insisted on taking her in to vcalm her down and the teacher followed us telling another TA on the way
"E.... has just been very rude"

I managed to get her into class but she was very teary.

I am so annoyed that the teacher dealt with this this way as DD has been happy to go back to school the last couple of days after the holidays which can be difficult but has been full of herself after school and really enjoying it.
I just hope this teacher has'nt worried her now and she will be reluctant to go to school tomorrow.

After I took her in I saw the teacher again on the way out and she said
"Oh she's gone in has she,what a little madam"

Am I being unreasonable?

DD is 4 and still finding her feet at school and feel that this could have been handled better.
I did'nt appreiciate the madam comment or her dragging her into class ethier.

Maybe it's just me feeling hormonal but thought I would see what others thought.

OP posts:

Flllightattendant · 09/01/2008 09:37

for you and your poor DD. Very

It is completely out of order.

So sorry.


Flllightattendant · 09/01/2008 09:37

I hope she is not even worse when the parents aren't there!


rahrahrahrahrah · 09/01/2008 09:38

She sounds an awful teacher


Surfermum · 09/01/2008 09:40

What an old witch. I'd be furious.


ScarlettOHairy · 09/01/2008 09:41

YANBU!!! I would be really angry! She's not exactly building your dd's confidence is she!


lottiejenkins · 09/01/2008 09:41

That teacher has no right to call your daughter a "little madam"!


nailpolish · 09/01/2008 09:42

how dare she grab your dds hand and call her names


Tortington · 09/01/2008 09:42

make a formal complaint reminding the school that is thre job to educate and your job to doe everything else. Remind tem that it certainly isn;t their role to be giving out 3rd person parenting advice via your child.

btw. whats the issue with the toilets. and how firm have you been with it?

i am worried that she willbe ridiculed at school by other pupils for wearing nappies. are you?


lulumama · 09/01/2008 09:43

she dragged your emotional 4 year old into the classroom, for being rude and then told a TA she was rude, and called her a little madam to your face?

i don;t think she has much idea of the emotional needs of 4 year olds, TBH

am cross on your behalf.


coppertop · 09/01/2008 09:44

I wouldn't be happy about the pulling or the madam comments.

It sounds as though the teacher needs to get some advice about how to deal with the toileting issues. Ds2 is 4yrs old, in Reception class and also has some toileting issues. A low-key approach has been far more successful than grabbing or pulling.

If a lot of the children don't like the cloakroom then it sounds as though this is an issue the school should be addressing. Maybe looking at ways of making it a less scary place for the children?


NAB3wishesfor2008 · 09/01/2008 09:44


That is not on and you need to speak to the teacher at pick up time and make it clear you will not have your child spoken about like that.


Tiggiwinkle · 09/01/2008 09:46

Very unprofessional. Make a complaint to the head.


nailpolish · 09/01/2008 09:48

this reinforces what i think about the english school system and that children start school too young there

just my opinion though


Flllightattendant · 09/01/2008 09:48

The most frightening thing is the fact she did all this in front of you!!! Like it was OK!?!


NAB3wishesfor2008 · 09/01/2008 09:49

Exactly. FA.


helenhismadwife · 09/01/2008 09:50

that must have been awful for you and your dd I would have been very upset if it was me and would have wanted to run home again with her

I would have a word with the teacher after school her behaviour and attitude was unacceptable


onebatmother · 09/01/2008 09:52

Complain to head. Write it down right now - you could just adapt your post.
Disgraceful. The 'little madam' is bad enough, the dragging and general lack of concern for dd's sensitivities is properly bad I think.


wannaBe · 09/01/2008 09:54

two issues here.

The teacher is clearly lacking somewhat in the empathy and ability to communicate nicely with little children departments. I would be tempted to have a word with the head tbh. but...

IMO you're not doing your dd any favours by allowing her to go to school in nappies. You are giving her the message that she doesn't have to use the toilets when in school, that it's ok to have a wee right where she is because she will have a nappy on. And presumably the same would apply to having a pooh, except if she's refusing to be changed then she's making things unpleasant all round for everyone. I would be inclined to send her in with a change of clothes and that way if she does have an accident whe will at least be wet, and feel wet and have to be changed, and might be more inclined to go to the toilet in future. And secondly you are setting hr up to be teased by her peers. I would be quite hard on this tbh.


Buda · 09/01/2008 09:58

Would have been livid and gone straight to the head. Totally totally inappropriate. I would definitely take this further.

How dare she call your DD a little madam.

Naily - I do kind of agree with you but most schools/teachers would use the time to gently get children used to school issues like toilets and playtime etc and to gradually build their confidence. My DS started nursery at 3 - he is an only one and I felt he needed other children but I looked at nursery as pure play for him (which it was). When he went into Reception 80% of his time was spent playing and although he initially had issues in the playground by the end of the year he was so much more confident and beginning to get interested in the academic bit. He had a nice teacher and she was more keen on making sure they were all happy and content than learning. The reception year is not meant to be school per se (imho) but about building confidence.

Of course now that DS is in Yr 2 and swaggering around school with his hands in his pockets I wonder if too much confidence can be a bad thing! And I wonder at the necessity of homework over the Xmas holidays - I made my feelings on that clear at school!


sunflowervalley · 09/01/2008 09:59

Thank you for all your replies.

I wondered if it was just me being over sensitive,but something was telling me this is'nt right.
She was really yanking at her arm to pull her in and sounded very stern she frightend me so god knows how DD felt.

Some other parents were all staring and I felt awful leaving her like that which is why I insisted on taking her in to reassure her.

She only started last September and at her first parents meeting I felt the teacher for some reason was not very emphatic.(sp)
She told me then DD was very stubborn and was not a leader but a follower and will only do what she wants to do.

I am of course woried about her getting teased and the whole nappy thing but I must add that her brother at the same school in year 2 has SN and has toileting issues and selective mutism so does not talk in school at all.
He has now got a statement and am working with the school to help him.

These issues with her brother could well be a factor in her reluctance to use the toilets and am also very concerned at the moment as she has'nt talked in school ethier although feel she is aware of her brother's condition and this is influencing her in how school should be.

Her teacher knows all this re her brother and think she should take that in to consideration and think further than DD just being stubborn and being a litle madam as she put it.

OP posts:

Hulababy · 09/01/2008 10:03

Teacher was out of order. You should take it up with the school further. Your DD is only 4yo and only just doing full days - what a horrid start for her. Please follow it up - the teacher can't be allowed to behave so unprofessionally.

I am assuming you are all working on the toilet/nappies issue together. Make sure you have something properly agreed between you ll as to how you will all manage this situation.


SofiaAmes · 09/01/2008 10:05

ABsolutely unacceptable: a teacher calling your child (or anyone for that matter) names. Even more appalling that she did this in front of the child. I would refuse to have my child in that teacher's class. Even if your child had bathroom issues and the teacher was frustrated by them, it is completely unacceptable for her to express them in that way. However, it sounds like there is an overly big expectation for a 4 year old. Maybe you should keep her at home another year. I think 4 is awfully young to start school. And if she has a SN brother, maybe she just needs a little more personal attention at home.


Dropdeadfred · 09/01/2008 10:08

What a miseraBLE COW OF A TEACHER!!

What did you say when she called her a madam?


sunflowervalley · 09/01/2008 10:11

DD's teacher has'nt approached me to discuss this on our own and has only discussed it in front of DD being very stern about it.

I could offer to go in at lunchtime and change her but don't want that to become a regular thing.
We should be looking at me going in and taking her to the toilets and reassuring her and possibly doing some sort of reward system using stickers working along side the school.

Thinking back to last year when she started the teacher was very firm with her then and we had a couple of these dragging in situations then as she did'nt want me to take DD into the cloakroom and felt she should be going in our own,but I insisted as DD was getting very upset and wanted to keep her calm and not put her off going to school altogether.
I should have said something then.

OP posts:

Tiggiwinkle · 09/01/2008 10:13

Your last post explaining how your DD has not talked in school yet makes the teachers behaviour even more unacceptable. I would be reluctant to leave her in the care of such an unsympathetic woman to be honest.

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