To think that DD's teacher was a bit harsh this morning?

[sunflowervalley]

Just got back from taking DD to school.
She is in reception and has just started back on Monday where she is now doing full days until 3pm.

She is still having issues with using the school's toilets so for the time being she is taking pull ups into school with her but is reluctant for anyone to change her at lunchtime.

This morning her teacher had a word with me in front of DD and said she would'nt let anyone take her to the toilet yesterday and was she ok when she got home.
I said yes she was fine.

She then proceeded to say we need to get her to use the toilet so will take her today and show her around the cloakroom but admited most of the children don't like the cloakrooms so she would take her to another toilet.
DD got very anxious at that point and was looking worried and the teacher said
"come on E.... ,we will try it today"
to which DD replied "no" quite firmly.

Then suddenly the teacher grabbed DD's hand and started pulling her into class saying you can come in on your own today without mummy as you have just been very rude.
DD was really upset and tried to pull away and she was pulling her the other way.

I insisted on taking her in to vcalm her down and the teacher followed us telling another TA on the way
"E.... has just been very rude"

I managed to get her into class but she was very teary.

I am so annoyed that the teacher dealt with this this way as DD has been happy to go back to school the last couple of days after the holidays which can be difficult but has been full of herself after school and really enjoying it.
I just hope this teacher has'nt worried her now and she will be reluctant to go to school tomorrow.

After I took her in I saw the teacher again on the way out and she said
"Oh she's gone in has she,what a little madam"

Am I being unreasonable?

DD is 4 and still finding her feet at school and feel that this could have been handled better.
I did'nt appreiciate the madam comment or her dragging her into class ethier.

Maybe it's just me feeling hormonal but thought I would see what others thought.

When I picked DD up she seemed ok and I told her that I would take her to the toilets and make her feel comfortable about it.

I assured her that I will be there tomorrow when she hangs her coat up as she looked worried when I was talking to her about this morning.

The teacher said that she had settled the rest of the day and was fine.

Still going to mention it tomorrow though as not happy with her dragging her in and calling her a madam.

Some teachers just should not teach some age groups.
Hope your DD will be ok tomorrow, and you get to air this with the head.

DS1 in year 7 was told to re-do a piece of school work as he had done it in a too advanced manner WTF

Kimi,can't believe that,you would think they would be encouraging him.

The toileting issue is really hard. Prehaps you need to make an appointment with the school's special needs coordinator to set up an individual education plan. They could also look at ways of helping your little girl overcome seperation anxiety.

Your daughter needs professional help if she is not toilet trained, for her sake. You and the school need to plan how best to help her.
It might be worth discussing it with your GP.

My son had professional help to help him learn how to walk. Having problems using the toilet deserves equal sympathy.

What happened at the meeting with the Head Teacher?

She should have understood the reason why your dd said no. Fair enough if she wanted to say something lie "now x, you really shouldn't say no to me".

But she should not have called her rude, or dragged her, or called her a madam. Is there another reception that you can as for your dd to be moved to? I would certainly want to complain about this teacher, but also worried that she would then take things out on your dd. She shouldn't, but she sounds a right witch.

This needs nipping in the bud before your dd starts hating school because of the teacher. The first year is so important.

Well the family solutions lady that has been helping my DS brought up the incident with DD yesterday and I explained to the head what had happened.

The headmistress said in reply about DD's teacher,
"I don't know what she was thinking or if she was thinking at all"

Which pretty well sums it up.

She said she would have a word.
The family solutions lady suggested an approach that did'nt cause DD any anxiety over the issue.

The headmistress said that DD is very strong willed,which she can be.
But when I mentioned the fact that the teacher had called DD "a madam" I explained that I was not happy and that she may be strong willed and a madam as they put it but it is up to us as parents to say something like that not the teacher!!!!

Lots of good advice on here - just mildly worrying that a 4 yo struggling to stay dry during the day. Is it worth seeing a doctor?

I would never let anyone treat my child in that way, no wonder your child is not ahppy there. I would be looking for another school and making a formal complaint. Is up to you as her advocate to protect her from people like that. What view will she have of you if you do nothing.

I think it is an anxiety issue as she will use the toilet at home and can stay dry but also her brother has SN and has toileting issues so we think it could be something to do with the fact that she sees her brother has issues with toilets at school.

I am planning to go into school and take her into the toilets and make it more familar and not a frightning place to be also looking to work with the school to impliment a sticker reward chart.

The lady from family solutions said that she deals with a lot of anxiety around toilet phobia in schools and is not uncommon.

I'm not surprised tbh as some primary school toilets look a bit like dungeons. I used to be scared by the toilets - they looked so sinister with their vast bowls and chains looming overhead. I think kids often find toilets a scary place.

I remember our primary school toilets were outside, so were cold, damp and had massive spiders in, also the boys and girls were next to each other and kids used to climb up and look over the wall at you.

Shudder just thinking about it