Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BBQ etiquette (whose BU me or him)

126 replies

MrMrsJones · 15/04/2022 11:12

Having a light hearted discussion about this afternoons BBQ. 18 family members coming

YANBU My world - over the period of the afternoon, we cook the food on the BBq, it doesn't really matter who takes a turn to help cook as long as someone is there. We cook say burgers and when they are ready, people come and get one or not, then say belly pork or sausages or a mixture of different things. We graze over the afternoon.

YABU His world - all food is cooked, put in the hostess trolley (it was his mums) then we all eat together.

So cast your vote

OP posts:
chesirecat99 · 15/04/2022 15:13

Um are you on the right thread, @Birdy272?

Nnique · 15/04/2022 15:13

Uhm, are you aware that you’re on a BBQ thread talking (quite lightheartedly) about food...?

DogsAndGin · 15/04/2022 15:15

The bbq is the entertainment! You’re supposed to have someone stood there cooking for hours 😆 that’s the British way!

Birdy272 · 15/04/2022 15:16

I was in 'threads I'm on' and clicked through to reply. My response has ended up on this thread which is odd as I haven't posted anything on here previously 🥴

Nnique · 15/04/2022 15:18

Well I had figured it wasn’t the thread you had meant to post on! Smile

Stonerosie67 · 15/04/2022 15:20

My mother has a hostess trolley, she's had it since the 70s. It stands proudly in her hallway, bedecked with photos and a vase of flowers but for one day only, it reigns supreme....on Christmas Day, cooking for however many is an absolute doddle thanks to it!
But never has it emerged, blinking, into the sunlight....
However......🤔🤔🤔🤔

eternalopt · 15/04/2022 16:31

Little of column a. Little of column b. Cool the food and as it's ready, announce "BURGERS ARE DONE" and stick any not eaten straight away in hostess troller to keep warm (assuming it's a plug in one). Repeat for each food group. Then people can choose to graze or feast all at once and leftovers readily available for round 2 after a few beverages. Win win.

godmum56 · 15/04/2022 16:57

I have been to and hosted both kinds (not a hostess trolley though, that would be FAB U LOUS). I think that it depends on what time the meal is....daytime eating is graze style, nightime eating much posher and all eat together. We had a set of these which can be set up outside or inside to keep the hot things hot. www.amazon.co.uk/MasterClass-Professional-Triple-Table-Top-Warmer/dp/B007NIVUMO/ref=asc_df_B007NIVUMO/?hvlocphy=9045701&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&psc=1&psc=1&hvnetw=g&hvadid=218065512873&hvpone&hvlocint&th=1&hvpos&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=pla-420938974979&hvrand=6807731047283188787

so I think you are both right

elp30 · 15/04/2022 17:00

@MrMrsJones

I'm Texan and I have a cookout at least once a week.
Not "barbecue" because that denotes 12+ hour "slow and low" cooking over mesquite and other woods. I leave that to people with more patience and experience.

Anyways...

The beauty of cooking for others is to enjoy a meal and socializing. I understand where your DP/DH is coming from with his idea of having it cooked first and everyone eating at the same time but not at this type of gathering.

This gathering is everyone gathered around a fire, drinking, socializing, children playing, eating with your hands or a plate balanced on your lap, being relaxed and taking things at a slower pace. You're very much in the right!

He can bring out the hostess trolley with drinks. Even then, I put ice and drinks in buckets so everyone can serve themselves. How about using the trolly for dessert?

Maternitynamechange · 15/04/2022 17:05

How big is your BBQ that the food wouldn’t have gone cold on a hostess trolley?

HeArInGhandsgirl11 · 15/04/2022 17:09

Grazing YANBU

Seemssounfair · 15/04/2022 17:15

@eternalopt

Little of column a. Little of column b. Cool the food and as it's ready, announce "BURGERS ARE DONE" and stick any not eaten straight away in hostess troller to keep warm (assuming it's a plug in one). Repeat for each food group. Then people can choose to graze or feast all at once and leftovers readily available for round 2 after a few beverages. Win win.
You dont put all the burgers on at the same time. Have some burgers, sausages, chicken, or whatever on the go and shout whenever something is ready and replace with more as they get eaten.

Anything stuck in a hostess trolley will either be disgustingly luke warm or hot and over cooked.

Softleftpowerstance · 15/04/2022 17:15

Having been to BBQs hosted his way, I say it’s far superior.

Everyone gets a proper plate of food and can choice exactly what they want. Your way means grazing in a constantly unsatisfying way where you panic fill up on sausages in case there aren’t enough burgers coming.

Nnique · 15/04/2022 17:19

No it really doesn’t. I mean clearly a lot of people must be really shit at planning and cooking (when it comes to barbecues, at least). But it doesn’t have to mean that, by any means!

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 15/04/2022 17:24

LTB he is BU your way is the only sane way. If you want a normal sit down one course meal use the oven/hob.

RaininSummer · 15/04/2022 18:55

I love birdies accidental response. Vile little dickhead ha ha

mathanxiety · 15/04/2022 19:08

No, no, no to graze on BBQ all day.
Also no, no, no to the hostess trolley.

You need more than one piddley grill for 18 people. Or a really big one with a warming section.

You should cook enough burgers for everyone present first, then extras, bringing the total to 25-30 burgers.

The buns and toppings and condiments need to be on a side table, toppings in Tupperware containers with lots of tongs to handle them with, so guests can create the burger they want. A burger buffet if you will. Plus you need your plates and napkins out.

You can leave out grazing bowls of crisps, tortilla chips, salsa, dips, etc for snacking on before the BBQ meal is cooked.

All the hot food should be ready within about a half an hour period. Everyone eats together.

Desserts are served buffet style too and can be opened up after everyone is finished with the BBQ.

Drinks should be out all afternoon in coolers.

floofycroissant · 15/04/2022 19:09

Went to a BBQ with a hostess trolley. Loads of people ended up with food poisoning

mathanxiety · 15/04/2022 19:11

YYY to @Nnique - you need to serve different meats, and a few different salads. Salads need to be kept in ice bowls for serving and do not leave out any dressing containing mayo. It must be kept cold.

StoneofDestiny · 15/04/2022 19:11

Stick him in the heated cupboard til he bows to Mumsnet wisdom.

Original poster
MrMrsJones · 16/04/2022 08:41

We had a fabulous day

We cooked my way, the sausages and chicken drumsticks were ready as soon as people arrived, for the kids and "I'm hungry now" types.

Then we chucked on burgers and belly and steaks.

Crisps, dips and salad stuff was out on the table ready

Everyone ate their fill and no-one went hungry 😋

I will get a picture of the hostess trolley, because it's not a push about one, it's a stand in the corner heated cupboard.

OP posts:
Nnique · 16/04/2022 13:45

Sounds fantastic!

SirChenjins · 16/04/2022 13:46

Sounds like you had a great day - and that (your) common sense prevailed!

Carrotten · 16/04/2022 14:24

Grazing is not enjoyable. I always think it's one of those things that's romanticised but is actually a bit shit for all involved

If I want say the steak and that's coming last I then have to wade through the burgers, sausages whatever. Always in a state of a bit hungry but then too full for the bit I actually want. Never sure how much to eat because I don't know what's coming when. End up filling up on crisps

The host is cooking for hours, little time to chat with them. Then I feel guilty that they are cooking for so long so you offer to help, but I don't really want to be bbqing on someone elses bbq.

Everything should be ready at roughly the same time, within say a half hour window. It doesn't have to be rigid timings but I don't want to be eating all afternoon

Sallyingon · 16/04/2022 14:55

Everything should be ready at the same time for me. I want a bit of everything and some nice salads. I don't care how u keep it warm.