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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family wedding abroad. AIBU?

91 replies

Disconipples · 15/04/2022 10:21

So in a nutshell... DP's Dsis is getting married next year. We have never met her new partner due to geography and lockdowns and for various reasons DP's family are not very close. They have been together probably 18 months. We have just received an invitation to the wedding in Cyprus. As a family it will cost us almost 5k to stay at the same hotel. I don't want to go. I don't really know SIL all that well, I don't want to go to Cyprus again (went a few years ago and it was lovely but plenty more of the world to see) I don't want to spend 5k to go on holiday with a big group of people who wouldn't be my choice to holiday with. They obviously have said that they aren't putting any pressure on people to come but there is a certain pressure isn't there? My DP doesn't want to miss his sisters wedding and would definitly go if it weren't for me. AIBU??

OP posts:
KatherineofGaunt · 15/04/2022 10:23

Can he not go alone?

Frazzled2207 · 15/04/2022 10:24

Yanbu but I would let your dp go alone for the weekend

DelphiniumBlue · 15/04/2022 10:25

5 grand?? Dp can go alone.

FrangipaniBlue · 15/04/2022 10:25

Send DP on his own for 2 or 3 nights

Original poster
Disconipples · 15/04/2022 10:26

@DelphiniumBlue

5 grand?? Dp can go alone.
Yep 5 grand. It's in school hoilidays and £1227pp
OP posts:
WildCoasts · 15/04/2022 10:27

Let DP go. That's much cheaper than a whole family.

jazzyjeffs · 15/04/2022 10:27

Then he goes solo...I don't see the issue. You don't want to go, he does...

ohidoliketobe · 15/04/2022 10:31

YANBU yo not want to go. YWBU to say he can't go on his own for 3 or 4 days

LightDrizzle · 15/04/2022 10:33

I’d be suggesting DH go alone and suggest he sees if there’s another bloke he can room share with, sibling/ cousin.

IDontHaveAnOutingHobby · 15/04/2022 10:37

@LightDrizzle

I’d be suggesting DH go alone and suggest he sees if there’s another bloke he can room share with, sibling/ cousin.
This Flights to Cyrus are cheap- don't book a package Then stay at a local cheap hotel or try and share a room

Not sure a cousin would attend a destination wedding though

Movetothebeat · 15/04/2022 10:38

Suggest your DP goes by himself and perhaps suggest to meet your SIL and BIL for a lovely meal out to celebrate their wedding after?

If you want a destination wedding you have no right to sulk if invited guests can’t afford it or get the time off work.

IDontHaveAnOutingHobby · 15/04/2022 10:38

Plus have you priced it up not as a package?
Look at flights and then rooms- usually much cheaper

IDontHaveAnOutingHobby · 15/04/2022 10:39

Cyprus is an odd destination- are they military?

AllFreeOwls · 15/04/2022 10:42

I think it would be fair for DH to go on his own here. 5K is a lot of money to pay for somewhere that isn't your choice of destination.

CharSiu · 15/04/2022 10:42

Many of my relatives live overseas in America and Hong Kong so they are not being awkward having overseas wedding they actually live there. On two occasions I have gone minus DH because the cost in peak season was very high. People that have a destination wedding cannot expect people to attend at all.

FairyCakeWings · 15/04/2022 10:42

If you don’t want to go then encourage him to go alone.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/04/2022 10:44

Also saying he should go alone.

chipsnmayo · 15/04/2022 10:44

There is no way I would spend 5k on a wedding for people I barely know in a destination I have no inclination to visit.

My brother got married in Italy when I was struggling to keep my head above water financially and I told him I could not afford to go, he understood but was disappointed, so yes there is always pressure. In the end my parents paid for DD and I (well I gave a small contribution).

Squirrelblanket · 15/04/2022 10:53

@IDontHaveAnOutingHobby

'Cyprus is an odd destination- are they military?'

What?! 😂

Cyprus is a perfectly normal holiday destination. Lots of people get married there.

babyjellyfish · 15/04/2022 10:53

Even if he goes alone that's a hell of a lot of money.

How does that break down?

How much is the flight?

How much is the hotel?

How many days?

Is it really necessary to stay at the same hotel?

PainterMummy · 15/04/2022 10:56

This is your DH sister. Let him go alone if you don’t want to go.

burnoutbabe · 15/04/2022 10:56

I'd work out how much it would be to go and not stay in that hotel.

I think it would be fairly rude to say you don't want to go as you don't want to spend time/money on people you are not close to. I'd go for my husband's sake (and kids as it's their family too)

This assumes you can afford it of course.

RandomQuest · 15/04/2022 10:58

Fine if you don’t want to go but it’s his sisters wedding. Unless the money really isn’t there, and it doesn’t sound like this is the case, then he should go on his own. If he’s travelling solo then he could look at a any combination of the following to cut costs- shorter trip, cheaper hotel nearby, sharing a room with another single male relative.

beenaroundtheblox · 15/04/2022 10:58

@IDontHaveAnOutingHobby

Cyprus is an odd destination- are they military?
I don't think it's an odd destination. I know of a few people who have married there.
ChristmasFluff · 15/04/2022 11:00

I'd go for a family holiday in Cyprus, somewhere near the wedding destination (but not in the same hotel), and enjoy a holiday whilst DP went to the wedding (if you don't want to go to the wedding).

That way you all get a nice holiday, and DP gets to go to the wedding.

Or otherwise, yes, he can go alone