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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family wedding abroad. AIBU?

91 replies

Disconipples · 15/04/2022 10:21

So in a nutshell... DP's Dsis is getting married next year. We have never met her new partner due to geography and lockdowns and for various reasons DP's family are not very close. They have been together probably 18 months. We have just received an invitation to the wedding in Cyprus. As a family it will cost us almost 5k to stay at the same hotel. I don't want to go. I don't really know SIL all that well, I don't want to go to Cyprus again (went a few years ago and it was lovely but plenty more of the world to see) I don't want to spend 5k to go on holiday with a big group of people who wouldn't be my choice to holiday with. They obviously have said that they aren't putting any pressure on people to come but there is a certain pressure isn't there? My DP doesn't want to miss his sisters wedding and would definitly go if it weren't for me. AIBU??

OP posts:
pradavilla · 15/04/2022 19:20

Cld u not stay somewhere cheaper if you actually do want to go. I got married abroad it was 5 star luxury hotel so it was very expensive. Some family didn't stay at the hotel and I had to pay for a day pass for them which I was more than happy to do though.

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/04/2022 20:58

Dh goes alone snd costs £1227 - tho would he want a week away from you in the sun no kids (don’t answer that lol)

Dh goes alone and stays fir 2 /3 days possibly a diff hotel so cheaper

You all go for 2/3 days and stay elsewhere

You and dh go fir few days and kids at home with gp if possible. Obv your side as in-laws will be at the wedding

IDontHaveAnOutingHobby · 15/04/2022 21:05

You really are ignorant aren’t you

I am pretty sure that I have spent more time in Cyprus than you
Its a very boring place

IDontHaveAnOutingHobby · 15/04/2022 21:07

In 2019, international travelers aged between 45 and 64 years old accounted for the largest share of inbound tourists in Cyprus. Visitors within this age group represented roughly 27 percent of all international tourists on the islands. Meanwhile, 26 percent of inbound travelers in Cyprus were aged between 20 and 31 years old.

WomanStanleyWoman · 15/04/2022 22:30

Well, I’ve seen some weird obsessions and grudges on MN in my time, but a grudge against an entire country is a new one.

bridgetreilly · 15/04/2022 22:38

They obviously have said that they aren't putting any pressure on people to come but there is a certain pressure isn't there?

No.

The only pressure is whatever you are putting on yourself. You obviously don’t want to go and would begrudge spending the money. So don’t go. Let DP go on his own and book a better family holiday for all of you.

Ellmau · 15/04/2022 22:57

It’s not as simple as saying the dh can go for £1227, single travellers often get charged double.

What would you normally spend on a holiday, op?

babyjellyfish · 16/04/2022 06:25

@IDontHaveAnOutingHobby

In 2019, international travelers aged between 45 and 64 years old accounted for the largest share of inbound tourists in Cyprus. Visitors within this age group represented roughly 27 percent of all international tourists on the islands. Meanwhile, 26 percent of inbound travelers in Cyprus were aged between 20 and 31 years old.
So the percentage of tourists between the age of 45 and 64 (a 19 year range) is almost exactly the same as the percentage of tourists between 20 and 31 (an 11 year range) then?

Sounds like you'd be more likely to meet a 25 year old tourist than a 55 year old one.

Original poster
Disconipples · 16/04/2022 15:31

@Ellmau

It’s not as simple as saying the dh can go for £1227, single travellers often get charged double.

What would you normally spend on a holiday, op?

Usually around £3000 for a summer holiday all inclusive.
OP posts:
lovemelongtime · 16/04/2022 16:10

Just book a cheap flight and your own accommodation. Much cheaper and you can be independent too.

My3bigdogs · 16/04/2022 16:25

I would hate to be invited to a wedding abroad. I find the whole expectation by the bride and groom (usually the bride) that guests can just pony up thousands to watch them get married and can use a week of their annual leave to go to a destination not of their own choosing to be very presumptuous.

Anyone getting married abroad should be prepared for the fact that very few family members, if any, will be there. We got married abroad but it was just us. If you want a big wedding with all the family present then get married in your home town.

My3bigdogs · 16/04/2022 16:28

@lovemelongtime

Just book a cheap flight and your own accommodation. Much cheaper and you can be independent too.
Cheap flight? It’s in the school summer holidays,
AllOfUsAreDead · 16/04/2022 16:41

@Disconipples

I don't openly have an attitude towards her relationship. Inwardly yes. Might make me judgemental but I don't really care.
I would judge it too. It was an affair and they ripped apart two families. Highly selfish. Likely won't last either, no way would I spend 5k on a wedding for that. I'd tell dp he can go on his own, no issue with that.
TimeToLose8 · 16/04/2022 18:44

My daughter is currently attending a destination wedding - and has thoroughly resented spending £2500 on their first 'holiday' for 2 years. She has sent me photos of the room/town etc and has pretty much hated the week, has felt blackmailed into going by the family (her fiance's brother's wedding) to a destination she would never have a chosen herself, daily activities organised, hen do a different day to the stag do. To me, it would be a nightmare.

It is just so presumtious of people to expect others to use leave, spend so much money on something which they have absolutely no input. There is only one choice - to go or not to go. I suggest you do not go....encourage your husband to go, it is his family.

Walkingalot · 16/04/2022 18:52

If he goes alone then I assume that's his main holiday allowance (work days) used up and you won't be able to go anywhere together.
Could you not both go for a few days but stay elsewhere, then go off somewhere else, use it as a stepping stone? Everyone happy)ish.

Ellmau · 19/04/2022 21:29

I think you just have to say sorry, you can't afford to attend.

Overseas weddings are thoughtless.

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