Page 4 | Other parents complaining about your child

Sparkalinda · 2022-04-14T22:57:40+00:00

I wondered just how many parents challenge the parents of children who they feel have upset their child? I have never done this as I feel that children are children and need to.negotiate their frienships themselves. I have messaged a.parent in the past to ask if their child is ok when.theyve upset.my child, but nothing challenging or confrontational. I feel that my friend has been very out of.order, she has insulted my parenting skills in response.to her child being upset about something my child.said. For context, my child.is 5 and hers is 7 and.it was something about my child saying their Daddy was a liar. Any friendship we had is over now and.there are wider implications meaning things are even more difficult for me.now.in life. This was all in text message and she woukdnt answer when I rang to try and sort this amicably. I really can't believe she has gotten so upset about.sonething so trivial and common place..any advice gratefully received....x

WhatNoRaisins · 15/04/2022 07:16

The heavy handed parents need to realise that people are going to start avoiding their child like the plague because no one wants to be friends with someone who's parent gets involved in every disagreement. Definitely better to pick battles.

Mummytobe93 · 15/04/2022 07:16

I think it hit a nerve, and possibly the daddy is indeed a liar about other things😬

Name calling isn’t okay, but I doubt any child can go through childhood without either calling someone a name or being called a name.
You simply cannot shelter your child from everything.

HELLITHURT · 15/04/2022 07:17

@Sittininafield

A five year old calling someone a liar is strong language imo. It’s not a word to use lightly and dc need to learn that, ‘fibber’ would have been better in this case. I’d be a bit shocked to hear a 5 year old calling someone a liar and I’d wonder where it came from. Does your dc struggle to distinguish imaginary play and real life? Most children know that imaginary play isn’t the same as lying. Saying that you can’t control what your child says was a bit rude too!

Good god, now it's up to other parents to dictate the words other use to describe liars?

So if you call your child's vagina a foo foo (which I find ridiculous), everyone has to follow suit?

You say fibber, everyone myst do the same?

Why didn't the other parent just say liar is the same as fibber, don't worry about it.

I'll decide what words we use to describe liars etc in my home, you do yours.

MarriedThreeChildren · 15/04/2022 07:22

@Sparkalinda my answer would have been the same than you.

At 5 and 7yo, this is something that needed to be sorted out on the spot by the CM. It was.

Comments about ‘your dd should never say that ever again’ are crazy. You can parent a child, teach them to behave well. It doesn’t mean they always will.

From your friend reaction, I’d say that either the dd told a different story to her mum to put herself in a good light. Or somehow your dd said something that touched a very sore point for her (whatever the reason and certainly not voluntary on your dd’s part).

Philisophigal · 15/04/2022 07:22

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn at the user's request.

MarriedThreeChildren · 15/04/2022 07:26

I have to laugh at the idea that saying someone is a liar is an insult and name calling.
Does it apply to adults too? Or is being a liar simply a statement of fact?

Vsirbdo · 15/04/2022 07:29

I’ve got two good friends I made through our children and we never talk about the little arguments they have; I don’t think the friendship would survive if we did and it’s just squabbling that we all need to teach our children to deal with

Hortensiateapot · 15/04/2022 07:29

@RoseGoldEagle

5 year old: I’ve got an imaginary friend called Sparkle- she’s sat right here but you can’t see her! OP’s DD: No you haven’t! There’s no one there! 5 year old: There is! She’s here! My Daddy says she is real! OP’s DD: That’s a lie! Your Daddy’s a liar!

Seriously??!! Anyone that could get upset about that, unless they themselves are also 5, is crazy! Yes perhaps a quick conversation with DD about how calling someone a liar can be hurtful, and about how people are allowed their own opinions and beliefs even if you don’t agree, but to be honest the OP’s DD had probably forgotten the whole thing even happened by the time they were home. The ranting text message would be enough for me to end this friendship OP. I might say ‘I’ve explained to DD that it isn’t kind to call someone a liar. She’s 5 though, and you know how they see things as black and white at this age, but of course it was an opportunity to learn that it’s not a kind thing to say, and I’m sorry if she upset your DD.’ And leave it at that.

Agree with all of this

I vividly remember an argument I had with another child in year 1 who was adamant their dad knew everything, literally nothing in the world they didn’t know. Even at that age I knew that was ridiculous and probably said so.

Holly60 · 15/04/2022 07:36

@AnnesBrokenSlate

I didn't make assumptions, I quoted your post about nurture/nature and DC's personalities. If you genuinely don't know how to handle situations like this, it might be worth signing up for a parenting course. There was no point posting on AIBU if you're so sure you're NBU.

I think the children were arguing about an invisible friend. One girl said ‘well there is/isn’t an invisible friend because my daddy said so’. The other girl said ‘well your daddy’s a liar’.

In this context, the adult friend’s mother definitely over reacted.

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 15/04/2022 07:38

I said YABNU by after reading your responses I might have changed my mind. You haven't clearly said what the messages were and how you responded or what you said to your daughter but I get the impression from your posts here you might have been defensive and flippant. However, the other parent should never have messaged you, getting involved with an argument between children is stupid and pointless. Unless someone said something truly disturbing (homophobic/racist/graphically violent) then I might give the other parent the heads up and tell my child to stay away from them.

Magenta82 · 15/04/2022 07:39

@Sittininafield

A five year old calling someone a liar is strong language imo. It’s not a word to use lightly and dc need to learn that, ‘fibber’ would have been better in this case. I’d be a bit shocked to hear a 5 year old calling someone a liar and I’d wonder where it came from. Does your dc struggle to distinguish imaginary play and real life? Most children know that imaginary play isn’t the same as lying. Saying that you can’t control what your child says was a bit rude too!

"Strong language" that is ridiculous! Why should children have to use stupid euphemisms that adults don't?

Pinklady245612 · 15/04/2022 07:41

I'm wondering if the hurt her side is more to do with the bubble being burst? E.g. if my daughter at 7 said something about 'my dad said father Christmas comes round on Christmas Eve' and another child told her that was a lie, I would have been upset if my child started questioning the existence of father Christmas at that age. Maybe the imaginary friend is a bit of magic they share and doubts about the authenticity of that magic have had an effect at home. I do think the mum is ott, totally agree kids are black and white and your child very likely didn't mean to cause offence. Just saying it may not be the using the word 'liar' that is at the heart of this.

BellePeppa · 15/04/2022 07:43

@AskingforaBaskin

I would not get involved in my kid calling someone's dad a liar to their friend 😂 especially when there is a good chance the kids were chatting shit.

I would not 'correct' my child and would just say that they need to teach their kid to get a tougher skin.

Do you even have kids? What a terrible attitude.

Whatsmyname100 · 15/04/2022 07:47

@steff13

I said I cant control what my daughter says

This sort of makes it sound like you've just washed your hands of responsibility for your daughter's behavior.

Exactly! You absolutely can do something about this. Saying you can't is just lazy parenting. Your child is 5, you need to step in and not just leave her to sort it out. No wonder she is calling other kids parents liars and such.

BikiniB0tt0m · 15/04/2022 07:49

Oh dear storm in a tea cup! Seriously I think your friend texting was completely ott. Kids see things in black and white, ok she might have to learn how to be more tactful with opinions as she grows up but it sounds like she was just not believing the story the friend was trying to spin and told her so.

Lunificent · 15/04/2022 07:52

Your child is only 5, the childminder didn’t see an issue. Sounds like you’ve dodged a bullet with this ‘friend’. She went way over the top.

Sittininafield · 15/04/2022 07:53

Magenta - yes calling someone a liar is strong language! It’s a serious accusation. If a child doesn’t hand in their homework and says they forgot it when we all know they just haven’t bothered would i (teacher) call them a liar? Of course not. Why do you think that is? Have you called any adults a liar to their face? How did that discussion go?

WhatNoRaisins · 15/04/2022 07:53

I think another good rule for adult behaviour is no text wars. Just send a message that you don't do this and won't engage further.

worriedatthistime · 15/04/2022 07:56

I thought the childminder never bought it up

Ikeptgoing · 15/04/2022 08:00

Well @Sparkalinda it sounds like your 5 year old was right when the 7 year old said something that wasn't true and when challenged by a smaller child then claimed her daddy told her it was true (& it blatantly wasn't !) no wonder your DD replied with that! Well your daddy is a liar then.... Lesson learnt for the 7 year old!!!
Children do chat shit together Sensible adults know not to get involved (but also that we try not to use the word liar darling...even if it is true). (It sounds like it touched a sensitive nerve for this mum...)

The issue here is that mum of the 7 year old has gone nasty bonkers and massively overreacted. Boy oh boy is she going to find parenting a tough old slog and lose most of her friends if she carries on like this...

I'd be inclined to reply by text

"Dear X, I am deeply concerned about the aggressive nature of your texts. That's not what happened. Your texts were unnecessary and uncalled for. I am unhappy with your overreaction and your behaviour. Please do not send me any texts like this ever again. I shall draw a line under it, but in the meantime I am blocking you for a while, Sparkinda"

HELLITHURT · 15/04/2022 08:01

@WhatNoRaisins

I think another good rule for adult behaviour is no text wars. Just send a message that you don't do this and won't engage further.

This is excellent advice and everyone should heed it!

👏 👏

Ikeptgoing · 15/04/2022 08:02

I forgot to add

Yanbu

HELLITHURT · 15/04/2022 08:02

@Sittininafield

Magenta - yes calling someone a liar is strong language! It’s a serious accusation. If a child doesn’t hand in their homework and says they forgot it when we all know they just haven’t bothered would i (teacher) call them a liar? Of course not. Why do you think that is? Have you called any adults a liar to their face? How did that discussion go?

I've called an adult a liar to their face, because they were! The reaction was much the same as the other child's mum, outrage. Lists don't like being called out.

Ikeptgoing · 15/04/2022 08:07

It is interesting and sometimes telling, when peoples reactions are disproportionate to something silly, as this mums is to another child calling daddy a liar instead of saying "oh how silly of that child of course imaginary friends are real...we know daddy tells the truth but maybe that little girl can't see the imaginary friend darling"

The overreaction usually is usually it has touched a raw point.

(I'd lay money on things not being right in your friends marriage and lying being part of it.... )

sweetbellyhigh · 15/04/2022 08:08

Well her daddy is a liar if he's telling her there are invisible people.