Other parents complaining about your child

[Sparkalinda]

I wondered just how many parents challenge the parents of children who they feel have upset their child? I have never done this as I feel that children are children and need to.negotiate their frienships themselves. I have messaged a.parent in the past to ask if their child is ok when.theyve upset.my child, but nothing challenging or confrontational. I feel that my friend has been very out of.order, she has insulted my parenting skills in response.to her child being upset about something my child.said. For context, my child.is 5 and hers is 7 and.it was something about my child saying their Daddy was a liar. Any friendship we had is over now and.there are wider implications meaning things are even more difficult for me.now.in life. This was all in text message and she woukdnt answer when I rang to try and sort this amicably. I really can't believe she has gotten so upset about.sonething so trivial and common place..any advice gratefully received....x

Awfully dismissive attitude @AskingforaBaskin

I didnt say I wouldn't control her, I said I couldn't control what she says because this woman told me I need to make sure this never happens again (loads of exclamation marks).

@VyeBrator

Awfully dismissive attitude *@AskingforaBaskin*

Who cares. They are children. Again they chat shit and need to learn that nobody will believe every crap that flows out of their mouth.

She was lying by the sounds of it. So valuable lesson learned.

Hahaha! Great point 👍

@Sparkalinda

The childminder said the lying bit was because they were arguing about an invisible friend and her daughter said its true because my daddy said...or something.

It doesn't matter why she called the child's dad a liar. Your child needs to know that sort of thing is hurtful.

I'm sure (from your attitude here) that you won't, but you really could do with having a conversation around hurt feelings.

Why should a child be taught that calling out a liar is wrong?

The other kid should learn to reign in the lying.

This is sad, but im pleased you are happier without them x

Who cares. They are children. Again they chat shit and need to learn that nobody will believe every crap that flows out of their mouth.

Well you obviously don't care, you've made that clear.

But some kids are taught by their parents that it's unkind to insult people's families and to avoid doing it if they can.

@VyeBrator

Who cares. They are children. Again they chat shit and need to learn that nobody will believe every crap that flows out of their mouth.

Well you obviously don't care, you've made that clear.

But some kids are taught by their parents that it's unkind to insult people's families and to avoid doing it if they can.

And some kids are taught not to lie or they risk the humiliation of being rightfully called out.

Know which kid I'd rather have.

@Sparkalinda

This is sad, but im pleased you are happier without them x

Who is this to?

There is a parent in my kids class who gets involved in every single minor disagreement or falling out and it's absolutely exhausting.
She will text parents lengthy messages detailing what her child has said and asking parents to "have a word" etc because her child is upset.
If more than one child is involved or witnessed something she will go round various parents mithering about it.
I've told her to take it up with the teacher when she's contacted me as I wasn't there to witness whatever drama she is fussing about and my child doesn't recall any of what she is saying and can't understand what the upset is over.
I will happily talk to my child and get their side of the story if something particularly serious has been said or done but I refuse to get involved in petty squabbles, kids need to learn resilience and how to work through these things.

Why would you assume I didnt have this conversation? Again, this isn't aboutbwho did and who didn't lie, this is about me not knowing anything as I wasnt there, the other parent wasn't there, and the childminder didn't mention anything. I apologised for the the fact that her daughter was upset, spoke to my daughter and the childminder, felt that there wasn't an issue judging by their response and tried to appease the situation.

This is exactly my thinking. Thank you for understanding.

My replies are coming up against the wrong posts! Sorry if it doesn't make sense, I press reply to a post so not sure why they are popping up random places! Thanks for your responses. We live and learn.

A child calling an adult a liar isn't trivial. You mishandled this.

Your friend is being over dramatic but if you don’t teach your daughter boundaries on what’s not ok - who will?

Who says that I won't teach my daughter about boundaries?! Lots of assumptions here. With the best will in the world, parents can hand down their values and parent in a particular way, but children are free thinking beings with its own little personalities. This is a bit of a nature amd nuture debate - but even if my child called someone a liar (and excellent points about the capabilities of young children understanding different concepts of what is a lie), it does not mean that I have failed to teach my child about right and wrong in life. There are many different variables factors which influence a child's behaviour.

@lameasahorse

It is if the adult is lying.

No, it isn't. Because if the child is telling the truth then an adult lying to a child isn't trivial. And if the child is wrong, then their parent needs to speak to them to explain why we don't throw around accusations; why it's rude and disrespectful. OP this isn't a nurture/nature debate. As a parent, you are responsible for teaching your DC. No-one asked for an automaton. Everyone understands DCs have personalities. You still have to prepare them for the world and interacting with others. That's part of parenting. And tbh it's selfish to send your DC out without explaining to them how to interact with people because they will be the ones who are isolated and lose friends (as has happened in this case) because you didn't manage the situation properly.

Oooòh harsh. A complete assumption here again. Why woukd you think I do not talk to my daughter about interacting with others?
So how should have have handles rhe situation out of interest?

I didn't make assumptions, I quoted your post about nurture/nature and DC's personalities.
If you genuinely don't know how to handle situations like this, it might be worth signing up for a parenting course. There was no point posting on AIBU if you're so sure you're NBU.

Some parents just have far too much time on their hands. Children say all kinds of nonsense but actually it sounds as if the context in which this 5 year old called the dad a liar was completely mundane and makes sense. The 5 year old knows the imaginary friend doesn’t exist and so logically concludes that the dad, who said the made up friend is real, is lying. Kids are very black and white about these things.

The children made up and the childminder didn’t think it necessary to bring to either parents attention.

OP your former friend sounds ridiculous. She’s got a long few years ahead of her if she’s going to overreact like this every time someone ‘upsets’ her child.