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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cheeky request to buy parents house - AIBU?

585 replies

SewingMum46 · 11/04/2022 07:03

My DPs still live in the same house they built when first married in the 60s. It’s in quite a nice area and because DF is an amazing gardener has a lovely garden which can be seen through the gate. It’s split level so although DM has some mobility problems and is quite frail, it still works for them. They’d only leave if something happened to one of them.
They got a card through the door last week with a message that basically said this couple who live in a very posh house up a very posh street nearby want to downsize because their kids have left home, so please would they consider selling their house to them? It included something along the lines of “Of course we’d pay full market value but it would be good to avoid those annoying estate agents fees”. It was handwritten with the name and address of the couple.
I feel it’s a bit cheeky and tbh on the verge of being entitled. DPs don’t know these people at all - they said in the card they’ve “always thought the house is lovely” and now they’ve decided it would suit them better as their “current property is on 4 floors”.
DF hasn’t shown the card to DM. I told him to ignore it but hold onto it. He’s adamant that if he sold to them it would be above market value, but he doesn’t want to sell - it would be up to DB and me to sell the house after they are gone.
What would you feel if this happened to your DPs? I find it really upsetting.

OP posts:
riceuten · 11/04/2022 10:31

I don't see this as cheeky in the least - if they want to sell, it would be a welcome message, and as they don't, I would write a note back saying "thankyou for the interest, but we are perfectly happy here".

Octomore · 11/04/2022 10:32

I've been stopped 3x by people and asked face to face if I wanted to sell my car.

We've been approached too. It's an unusual, oldish car (although it was never hugely expensive even when new) and they are hard to get hold of these days.

SucculentChalice · 11/04/2022 10:33

@Octomore

I think the people who take this personally all seem to be inferring far more from the enquiry than is actually there. Believe me - other people are not as interested in you or your circumstances as you think they are.

99% of the time, they are not secretly judging whether you can afford your mortgage, or speculating when you will go into a care home - they are simply interested in the house and are making you aware in case you did want to sell.

Except for the fact that a disproportionate number seem to be examples of targeting older people who may be vulnerable and talked into selling their homes at less than open market value. People are always trying to get bargains where houses are concerned. I'm not older or vulnerable and I get all manner of people who think they have a chance of trying to talk me into selling my small farm for peanuts. Its absolutely ridiculous. People can be utter vultures, and the market and estate agency fees are often worth paying to avoid this sort of thing.
BlueLu · 11/04/2022 10:35

My grandparents in law(?) had a note like this a while ago, average house on a beautiful street, and it was the first time any of us had heard of it happening so while it's the done thing according to mumsnet I do think it's area dependant. FWIW I don't think you're over reacting at all OP it rather upset them too, they were talking about what if its a scam for weeks.

NK346f2849X127d8bca260 · 11/04/2022 10:35

In the 20 odd years we have lived here, i have had a note through door and twice people have knocked at door asking if we would sell. We live on a very large estate and have a large strip of open land at back so i guess that is the reason. I just threw note away and to those who knocked just said we had no plans on moving.

Octomore · 11/04/2022 10:36

Except for the fact that a disproportionate number seem to be examples of targeting older people

Are they really targeting older people?

Or is it that nice houses, with large plots, that don't come up for sale often tend to be lived in by older people? (Often purely by virtue of the fact that the residents have all been there a long time.)

In my area, if you leafleted all the houses in a sought-after but rarely available street, most of the owners would be older.

The number of MNers who have themselves received a similar note indicates that working-age adults received these too.

Dumblebum · 11/04/2022 10:37

Except for the fact that a disproportionate number seem to be examples of targeting older people who may be vulnerable and talked into selling their homes at less than open market value

No they aren’t. Read the thread.

Moody123 · 11/04/2022 10:38

We get a note through our door every other month... I just bin them

AnnaMagnani · 11/04/2022 10:39

@Octomore I left out a lot of detail but basically I was a lot younger than everyone else in the street and tended to get looked down on as a bit clueless and skint. Mine is also the smallest house by some distance.

Few years later, and some expensive renovations done - let's say no-one does that anymore Wink

Dumblebum · 11/04/2022 10:40

I’d also add rhe reason people being targeted aren’t in their twenties and thirties as often people forty plus who are in more desirable properties. It’s nothing to do with the age of the owner and everything to do with house and location.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 11/04/2022 10:42

It's really common practice these days. The note sounds very politely worded and you are massively overreacting.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 11/04/2022 10:44

@SewingMum46

It’s the wording really - “Of course we’d pay full market value but avoid estate agents fees”. DPs aren’t particularly aware of the value of the house, they were surprised when they asked me how much it might be worth. It also felt a bit like they were being watched.
Someone just noticed and liked your parents house... And was saying if they'd like to sell the letter writers would be interested... And not expect a knock down rate...

Think you're way over thinking thisGrin

5zeds · 11/04/2022 10:44

I think it’s normal and not creepy or upsetting at all

IGotAVaxAndILikedIt · 11/04/2022 10:45

I live in a 'hot' Sydney suburb, this has happened around 5 times over the last couple of years, and am in a 'perfect' triangle of good schools, shops and transport - all while being a sleepy tree lined street with lovely houses, one of which I live in.

I am not at all offended. I contact them back and name my price - which is about twice market value.

No-one has taken me up on it yet, but if someone ever does I will toss them the keys and skip on out.

No harm in asking.

SpinMeRightRoundBabyRightRound · 11/04/2022 10:46

I get why it upset you. When your parents are ill it has the feel of vultures circling whether the letter writers knew of the circumstances or not.

Yes, it is a nice house, that’s why they live in it!

Flowers for you all. We’ve also experience of home being much preferable to care elsewhere.

PlainJaneEyre · 11/04/2022 10:47

I imagine you are very sensitive to this as you know there is an inevitable change coming in your parents' lives. What they have done is quite normal though.

MrsSkylerWhite · 11/04/2022 10:47

Common practice can’t understand why this would upset you. Sounds perfectly polite.
All they have to do is say no thank you, we’re happy here 🤷‍♀️

Cakesnbiscuit · 11/04/2022 10:48

I have a house I would love to buy, if I was in the same position I would consider doing this. Not sure it’s really an issue to get upset over.

If they want to sell get it valued by a few people, if they don’t want to sell throw it away or keep it for a rainy day

MrsSkylerWhite · 11/04/2022 10:48

(We’ll be downsizing in the next few years. Would be delighted to receive such a note and save so much hassle!)

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 11/04/2022 10:49

We had one of these through the door. I just ignored it tbh.

CrotchetyQuaver · 11/04/2022 10:55

It's very common when you live in a nice area. Or have a nice house. My dad gets them all the time.

iwantmyownicecreamvan · 11/04/2022 10:57

I had similar happen to me twice in 2 years. One after my elderly uncle died. His house wasn't up for sale at that point and a neighbour put a letter through the door. I made the mistake of ringing her number, and as PP have said, it was the fact that she thought she would be doing me a favour by saving me estate agent fees - I presume she would have wanted some of the savings passed onto her - which really irritated me.

As it happened, I needed to use an Estate Agent anyway as I didn't live locally and couldn't do viewings, so I just blocked her number and never heard from her again.

The second seemed worse. Both my parents died within a month of each other at the start of the pandemic. Their house was empty but not up for sale - we didn't even have probate. A random local resident knocked on the neighbour's door asking after my parents, and on being told they had died (which I think he already knew) immediately asked about the house, saying he would love to buy it. She took his number and rang me - again all this malarkey about saving me EA fees - ffs don't do me any favours. I declined to even take his number and told her it would be going up for sale with an estate agent. She was really put out, said they seemed a lovely couple, and she never contacted me again.

When the house was put on the market it made a heck of a lot more than the initial EA valuation - and I'm talking like £50k more - we had to pay capital gains tax because the probate valuation had been a lot lower. So yes, they certainly would have got a bargain wouldn't they.

People who do this after people have died really annoy me - they are out to get a good deal on the back of other people's bereavement.

SirVixofVixHall · 11/04/2022 10:57

I totally agree with Succulentchoice that it is something to be wary of.
I also understand how this has made you feel. Elderly people are more vulnerable to pushy people and things like this can worry them in a way that it would not worry a younger person. They might feel it is impolite to ignore it etc, I know my parents would have.
I think these notes can seem really pushy and that this one was very badly worded. Randomly sending notes when you have no idea of the circumstances of the home owners is not a nice thing to do, there could be someone dying or recently bereaved, someone with mental health problems or dementia, it is thoughtless.
Tell your Dad to bin and ignore, and if another note arrives call them yourself and tell them to stop.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 11/04/2022 10:57

@Viviennemary

I agree. I think its extremely cheeky indeed. But there are folk who do this. I wouldn't sell to such a person.
I would...

Assuming you could get a decent independent valuation.... Saving thr EA fees. One pal just sold her mum's place... Almost 20k in EA fees... Shock

Prescottdanni123 · 11/04/2022 10:57

Sorry to hear that your mum isn't well at the moment OP. I can totally understand why the timing has made you feel a bit suspicious over this couple's motives. From other replies on here, this does seem to be quite common so hopefully this has just been a random coincidence. If it wasn't, then the couple are not going to achieve anything anyway because your parents do not want to sell.

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