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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel horrendously ill. He’s gone to sleep.

121 replies

inacuppa · 09/04/2022 23:42

Not really an AIBU and I know I need to leave. But don’t want to face up to it.
I have been feeling dreadful lately - honestly I think I am burnt out with the amount I have been doing. I am not getting much sleep with 7mo, have another dd and we have just moved house. So been run ragged and doing way more than I should. I have been feeling awfully depressed and sometimes when I feel like this I just don’t stop to block it out.
Anyway..about an hour ago I was feeding 8mo when I started shaking uncontrollably. My body is in awful pain and all I can describe it as is really bad muscle spasms. I’ve never had this before and was really frightened so I text OH to come upstairs. He laid with me for 45 mins with me still shaking until I asked him to run a bath for me.
Been sat in here an hour now with it scolding hot to try and ease the pain. I don’t have any energy to get out and feel like I could just sleep. This sounds very dramatic but genuinely how I feel.
Anyway about 20 minutes ago I heard him snoring. He doesn’t give a shit does he? This comes after crisis talks about our relationship and me feeling like he doesn’t care as well.

OP posts:
saraclara · 10/04/2022 07:54

@ColdSeptember

I don't blame your husband for falling asleep. He's got tiring small children too, he sat with you for 45 minutes before you got in the bath, I'd have fallen asleep as well if I'd have been him. I really don't think it's fair to have a go at him about that.
That. Someone who doesn't care wouldn't come up and lie with you for 45 minutes while you're unwell. You were in the bath for an hour and it was midnight. Of course he'd fall asleep. I would too. It's not an uncaring thing or a man thing, it's normal.
Darbs76 · 10/04/2022 08:01

I can’t see how he’s done something wrong here. He will assume you will wake him if you need anything. Clearly there’s a history there but this alone isn’t anything to LTB for

Veryverysadandold · 10/04/2022 08:12

You sound like me when I was having a breakdown and had insomnia. My body was doing scary uncontrollable things and I got signed off work for a month. It can make it seem as if the whole world is against you and little things seem massive. It's scary and a totally normal reaction to your situation. You will know this already but you will heal with rest, proper rest. Now is the time to call in help from anyone around you. If you were my friend or family member I would be happy to take your kids/help clean/give you my quiet house to stay in alone etc, but you need to ask for it. Decide what you want/need and ask for it. You might also benefit from being medicated, I have. Get help, get rest, and talk to your GP.

MotherCupboard · 10/04/2022 08:16

Sounds like a scary night op. Hope 111 will help you . Perhaps he didn't realise just how unwell you felt if you were well enough to get in the bath, it was late and he was lying down. He might be a shit but i don't think he's a shit for falling asleep.

DatingAWidower22 · 10/04/2022 08:21

I hope you managed to get help OP. Take it easy

hazandduck · 10/04/2022 08:27

@Watermelon44

I had these symptoms with mastitis 3 times and thought I was dying.

Re the relationship, I would give it some more time. Sleep deprivation doesn’t tend to bring our the best in anyone. And you have had 2 major life stresses, a house move and new baby.

I was going to say…I had mastitis that turned in to sepsis went to bed with a slight ache woke full on shaking it is terrifying you can’t control it. Doctor at a and e said it was one of the worst cases she’d seen. These things take a turn very quickly it’s horrible :( hope you feel better soon OP. My DH thought I was being dramatic but I had a sense of impending doom a couple of days before and said so to my nurse I felt like I was going to die or something awful was going to happen yet I had no symptoms at that time. It’s a weird thing, listen to your body x
WTF475878237NC · 10/04/2022 08:37

I hope you're getting some medical treatment now OP. Forget your partner for now and just get well.

Silverbirch2 · 10/04/2022 08:43

How are you op?

muddyford · 10/04/2022 08:51

I would have fallen asleep too. You should have called to him if you needed him, rather than post on MN from the bath.

ShaneTwane · 10/04/2022 08:52

Hope you're feeling better today. In regards to your partner we have no idea of what your relationship is usually like but his actions last night were normal and fine as much as you felt abandoned and uncared about.

WhoopItUp · 10/04/2022 09:06

My DH would have fallen asleep too, I don’t necessarily think that’s the issue here. You sound exhausted and depressed. Please don’t make any rash decisions and please, please, see your GP - not just about today, but about how you’re feeling generally. You have a lot on at the moment and it’s easy to spiral down when you aren’t taking care of yourself.
I hope you feel better soon Flowers

ThatOneTime · 10/04/2022 09:10

Just wanted to mention since you said that it came on while you were feeding - I had the exact same symptoms when I came down mastitis. I was in pain all over, absolutely freezing but sky high temperature, it felt like the worlds worst flu without the congestion. The giveaway signs were a hard spot in my breast and an angry purple line going across.

I hope that whatever it is, you feel better soon!

Tara12 · 10/04/2022 09:12

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Snoods · 10/04/2022 09:14

Hope you are okay OP. Let us know. My mum was sent home from her doctors twice when she arrived to them feeling ill and in pain. They dismissed it as almost nothing. A week later she was admitted to hospital with sepsis and she’s lucky to have survived. Go to A and E if you feel the same today.

SierpinskiSquare · 10/04/2022 09:16

I always find 111 really helpful. I don't know why people are so reluctant to call.

Tilltheend99 · 10/04/2022 09:21

Woke up and read your update op. So glad you are getting help, we are all rooting for you Flowers

WonderfulYou · 10/04/2022 09:51

I’m sorry you’re feeling so rough.

I don’t think your DH has done anything wrong and you need to use your energy on getting better and not being angry at him.

I’m sure there’s a backstory of why you feel like this but in this situation you are the one being unreasonable and he actually sounds quite caring.

I hope you feel better soon Flowers

StScholastica · 10/04/2022 09:58

What did 111 say inacuppa?

You've got a double whammy going on there haven't you, PND and a physical illness. I have inly had shaking kite that once and it was covid. It was 3 days and several tests before I had a positive result though.
Look after yourself lovely.
One day soon you will feel your usual self again.

BlueOverYellow · 10/04/2022 10:02

Hope you're ok, OP.

Christinatherabbit · 10/04/2022 11:02

Could it be mastitis? I felt the most ill I have ever felt with it? What did 111 say?

Theunamedcat · 10/04/2022 11:07

I wouldn't leave a suck person in the bath if I'm honest they could pass out and slip under the water but I will admit my daughter losing someone in her school year under similar circumstances may have clouded my judgement

Theunamedcat · 10/04/2022 11:08

Sick person not SUCK FFS

HELLITHURT · 10/04/2022 12:07

@Christinatherabbit

Could it be mastitis? I felt the most ill I have ever felt with it? What did 111 say?
I agree, mastitis is never to be down played.
Pinkishpurple · 10/04/2022 12:12

I really hope you are ok and you did speak to 111 and i hope you mentioned sepsis, i know two people who died of sepsis and one who survived. It's always worth saying 'could it be sepsis'

BinBandit · 10/04/2022 12:22

I came to say possible mastitis too. Hope you get seen OP.