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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend asking to pay for possible damage

103 replies

Nikki905 · 09/04/2022 17:18

My daughter and I travelled in the back of a friend's expensive newish car a few weeks ago for a short journey.

Today, she messaged me today to say she noticed a lot of scratches on the back seat of my car suddenly and did my daughter put her feet up at all?

I told her I didn't see her do this and it's not something she'd typically do. She then said she wants someone to repair it and it was probably her niece or nephew. I said, if no one else sat there since my daughter, it's a possibility and I would help sort it out. She then replied, 'yes please'.

I can't be sure it wasn't my daughter, but for the sake of this friendship, I've offered to help. Of course, if we saw my daughter kick or scuff the seat back, I would pay in full, however it's not clear.

What do you think is reasonable in this situation?

OP posts:

BlanketsBanned · 09/04/2022 17:26

Have you seen the damage, what needs repairing if its just a few marks, cant they be polished out. Do you think your dd scuffed her shoe buckles on the leather. Did she tell you no shoes on the seats or have the plastic cover or a blanket on. It could be her neice or nephew, a shopping bag.

lanthanum · 09/04/2022 17:26

She did say it might not have been your daughter. She probably doesn't look at the back seats that often, so it wasn't necessarily the last passenger.

By all means contribute a thing of leather cleaner, but I don't think you should get sucked into anything more than that, when it's entirely possible it was nothing to do with you.

swashbucklecheer · 09/04/2022 17:27

I think now you have offered you would have to contribute. Though I wouldn't have offered anything in the first place unless I knew for sure that DD did actually cause damage. Even then I'd offer to rub it over with 'son of a gun' first. I think she's being a bit of a cf

Iwantachange · 09/04/2022 17:27

Ur friend is chancing it. Its been a few weeks and she has had other people in the car since. I can't imagine that you wouldn't notice if ur daughter was doing something that would badly scratch a car. Just putting your feet on it doesn't cause that sort of damage. Do not pay

Floralnomad · 09/04/2022 17:28

If she’s worried about her seats she should have covered them - she wouldn’t be getting anything out of me other than a tin of leather polish .

Merryoldgoat · 09/04/2022 17:34

People blow my mind. It’s a fucking car used to transport people.

It’s not like the seats are slashed or torn.

I have got no time for people who get like this about cars.

I wouldn’t offer any payment.

Georgeskitchen · 09/04/2022 17:35

She sounds a CF.
Tell her you've asked your DC and it wasn't them

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/04/2022 17:36

She didn't ask. You offered. Which is fine if you're one of those people who bend over backwards to seem nice. I'm not.

dementedpixie · 09/04/2022 17:37

I wouldn't have offered anything

BOOTS52 · 09/04/2022 17:37

No way could your daughter have damaged the car and she is not right asking you to pay. If she has niece and nephews in there on a regular basis it is probably them. So tell her is she also asking them for money for the repair. Why is she letting anyone in the back seat if she is so precious about it. Do not let her walk all over you and can you even afford to pay as it would not be cheap. She is taking advantage of you and I would not pay and am not tight but more likely nieces and nephews who regularly go in car and not you or your daughter.

Feckaffoutofit · 09/04/2022 17:40

Yes, thanks for the lift friend that you have charged me a few hundred for. The nerve of her. I would have said 'are you ringing me to ask if I will give you money because you have me a lift?'.

BakeOffRewatch · 09/04/2022 17:41

This person isn’t your friend. They clearly don’t care about the sake of the friendship if they’re willing to randomly accuse your daughter weeks later and suggest “someone needs to pay”, so why do you? I can’t believe you said it could possibly be your daughter when you were next to her in the back.

Easterisoffeggstooexpensive · 09/04/2022 17:42

Was your dd wearing high heels and had them up beside her ffs??
Bonkers woman op.
Her not you..

Bootothegoose · 09/04/2022 17:44

Shot her a tenner if you want to.

If she argues then drop the friendship entirely. You absolutely do not need to pay. She's admitted it was most likely her nephews.

'Someone needs to pay?' Then cough up Princess! People's sheer cheek outstands me.

Giraffesandbottoms · 09/04/2022 17:44

Your friend sounds like a tedious individual

Munchyseeds · 09/04/2022 17:45

I wouldn't have offered anything at all and would have probably suggested she buy a more robust car!!

Nennypops · 09/04/2022 17:48

It would have to be extremely poor quality leather and polish for any child to do any permanent damage just by scuffing their shoes against it. A can of leather polish ought to sort it out on its own.

WTF475878237NC · 09/04/2022 17:48

I would have offered to pay too and probably ask her what the quote is first.

MrsWinters · 09/04/2022 17:49

If it’s a new car and it’s showing that much wear she should take it back to the dealership. Unless she’s been doing something really unreasonable like letting Labradors have a party in the back the seats should be able to cope with general usage. Sounds like they’re not fit for purpose to me.

Ohchristmastreeohchristmastree · 09/04/2022 17:50

@Merryoldgoat

People blow my mind. It’s a fucking car used to transport people.

It’s not like the seats are slashed or torn.

I have got no time for people who get like this about cars.

I wouldn’t offer any payment.

This! I’ve known plenty of people get like this about cars and it’s totally bonkers. Cars get normal wear and tear, it’s something you just have to accept if you intend on actually using your car.

MakeItRain · 09/04/2022 17:52

I agree with what Georgeskitchen suggested. Tell her ASAP that you asked your daughter and she said it wasn't her. Then say that you hope she finds out who it was, so that they can help her pay.

Darkstar4855 · 09/04/2022 17:54

She’s being ridiculous.

Furbaby2842 · 09/04/2022 17:54

I think YABU purely based on the fact she said it may have been her niece or nephew and you followed up implying that it may have been your daughter if no one else had sat there & then offered to pay. What's the likelihood she would have asked you for money had you not offered to pay for it first?

Momicrone · 09/04/2022 17:55

God she sounds awful

Shelby2010 · 09/04/2022 17:57

If you had the lift a few weeks ago & she’s only just noticed, then it could have been anyone before or since then. She sounds like a cf.

Where are the scratches - on the back of the front seat or on the rear seat? Does your DD have buckles on her shoes that could have caused scratches or a plastic toy she was playing with? You don’t say how old your DD is, but she is unlikely to have been doing anything deliberately destructive with you in the car.

Also it depends how much she is planning on charging you. I certainly wouldn’t be paying for expensive repairs for a few minor scratches that my DD probably didn’t make.

Is she also asking her niece/nephews parents to contribute, as it may have been them? You may have agreed to help with it, but least you didn’t specify how much.

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