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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend asking to pay for possible damage

103 replies

Nikki905 · 09/04/2022 17:18

My daughter and I travelled in the back of a friend's expensive newish car a few weeks ago for a short journey.

Today, she messaged me today to say she noticed a lot of scratches on the back seat of my car suddenly and did my daughter put her feet up at all?

I told her I didn't see her do this and it's not something she'd typically do. She then said she wants someone to repair it and it was probably her niece or nephew. I said, if no one else sat there since my daughter, it's a possibility and I would help sort it out. She then replied, 'yes please'.

I can't be sure it wasn't my daughter, but for the sake of this friendship, I've offered to help. Of course, if we saw my daughter kick or scuff the seat back, I would pay in full, however it's not clear.

What do you think is reasonable in this situation?

OP posts:

Silverclocks · 09/04/2022 18:58

I think this happens in cars when you use them, they won't stay pristine, but you did offer.

CPL593H · 09/04/2022 18:58

Oh for Gods sake, your daughter was wearing trainers. Tell her you've remembered that and do not think it has anything to do with her. What people will go along with in the name of 'friendship' (it isn't) staggers me. Pay for damage if caused of course but that is not this situation.

GADDay · 09/04/2022 19:01

Unless you are in the habit of dressing your daughter in these, tell her to fuck off.

Friend asking to pay for possible damage

rookiemere · 09/04/2022 19:04

What age is your DD? If she's over 3 you could say you had a conversation with her and she is certain she didn't do it, plus you remember now she was wearing trainers that day.

However it goes, the friendship is dead in the water as hell would freeze over before I took a lift in her car again.

Lilac57 · 09/04/2022 19:07

Your friend is bonkers, I just don’t understand people who get so precious about cars. It’s not even on the outside, a few scratches on the back of a seat presumably aren’t that noticeable, and she doesn’t even know it was your DD. If she’s that bothered, she could just sort it herself rather than casting around for someone to blame, potentially losing a friendship in the process. I’d have no time for someone that petty.

GatoradeMeBitch · 09/04/2022 19:08

If your dd was kicking the back of a seat hard enough to cause scratches while wearing trainers, you'd have noticed at the time.

Oldraver · 09/04/2022 19:19

There is absolutely no way a child wearing trainers could of done enough damage to warrant ......' the dealership can replace the whole plastic part on the back of the seat..

Gelasia · 09/04/2022 19:22

Tell her on second thoughts you would have noticed your daughter kicking the seat hard enough to cause this type of damage (you would!) and you're not able to help her.

Her car, her responsibility.

user75 · 09/04/2022 19:22

Why do you want to preserve your friendship with this utter twat?

RaRathebravemouse · 09/04/2022 19:29

I don't think a child sitting in the back wearing trainers could have done enough to require repairs. If it has then does your friend plan to get work done again and again any time someone sits in her car? And if her car is so expensive she can afford to "repair" at her own cost if she wants but she shouldn't have had you both in the car if she is that precious about it. If I were you I wouldn't go to her house or sit in her car again in case she wants to charge you for something.

RaRathebravemouse · 09/04/2022 19:30

Can you message and say you've been thinking about it (or have asked DD) and you're not sure what damage could have been done by DD sitting in the back wearing trainers and it must be due to something else. Also if it's a used car it won't be perfect to start with.

Penguinevere · 09/04/2022 19:31

She’s being silly.

billy1966 · 09/04/2022 19:37

There is no way trainers on a short journey have done this.

Really appalling behaviour.

Phobiaphobic · 09/04/2022 19:39

This woman is NOT your friend.

Girlmumdogmumboymum · 09/04/2022 19:45

She's a fucking chancer. A couple of scuffs can be polished out
My car is my literal pride and joy... literally!!
I've been a bit pissed off at DD for marks left in the back (she's 5"10 and wears big DMs and crosses her legs; and her or her mate spilt sanitiser on the leather, and I've had to get chewing gum out of the mat in the back) so I do appreciate being pissed off with other people and their care of something you care about, but she needs to sort it unless she knows for a fact who it was.

Wouldn't be U to not have people who she suspects in her car again, but to accept help when she can't even say who it was is entirely unreasonable.

StScholastica · 09/04/2022 19:45

A friends DD did damage my car actually when I gave her a lift home from school. She scraped the buckle of her
DS was at a friend's house when a door blew shut in the wind and the glass fell out (showering him and his friend with glass). The parents tried to charge us for a new door as they said DS should have closed it. He was 5.
There are some CFs around.

StScholastica · 09/04/2022 19:47

Sorry first story not completed there,....she scraped the buckle of her shoe down the leather, cutting into it quite badly but I never told her parents or expected them to pay, she was young and didn't do it deliberately.

BuanoKubiamVej · 09/04/2022 19:48

So say your child was in that seat for 10 minutes. What you then need is an estimate of how much time the car owner's niece&nephew have sat there. If the answer to that is more than 90 minutes then your chipping in should be no more than 10% of the repair costs.

But tbh it's ridiculous - you simply don't put a small child in a a back seat of a car with expensive trimmings like that without putting a protective cover across. That's just basic common sense and lack of basic common sense isn't something that you should be compensating her for.

Walkingalot · 09/04/2022 19:52

Tell her that you've realised that your DD was wearing trainers that day and couldn't have possibly have caused that damage. I have a dog in my car every day and he jumps in and out, puts his paws up on the back of the seat and nothing that a wipe down can't fix.
The damage must be pretty bad to think about replacing the cover!
Have they had the back seats down to carry large items perhaps?

Noisyprat · 09/04/2022 19:56

Silence and admit nothing. This is the best tactic in these conversations. You immediately offered to 'help'. Why???? As others have said, it's a car. If she doesn't want any marks on it then she needs to leave it on the drive although even then birds will shit all over it....

NurseBernard · 09/04/2022 19:57

Your friend is being ridiculous. I’m embarrassed for her.

OP - if you go along with this, then you deserve to be out of pocket. And you deserve all the hassle you get.

Butchyrestingface · 09/04/2022 19:58

@needmorethanthis

Do not pay. She has no proof it’s your daughter. Has the niece/nephew been in the car since your daughter? If she messages again say “actually, I’ve been thinking about your message. now I’ve had time to reflect, my daughter travelled a very short journey over a week ago. You must have had other people in the back of your car since us? Yes? I’m not comfortable with all of this and you’ve actually caused a lot of stress and I won’t be paying any money. I sat next to my daughter the whole time and she didn’t put her feet up. I’m thinking you’re taking advantage of my good nature actually and I kindly request that you drop this immediately. Please do not mention this again to me” That is then her warning. If she messages again you escalate “I said no. I asked you not to mention it again. This is your final warning. I’m starting to get angry now”

I wouldn't be sending that. OP's thread title is misleading for a start. Friend didn't ask for the money, OP offered. Friend actually said it was probably her own relatives, and still OP said it was possibly her daughter and offered money.

Not saying OP should pay it, but she has actually, at least in part, talked herself into this situation and I don't think it's appropriate telling friend she has caused a lot of stress.

saraclara · 09/04/2022 19:59

Seriously, it was a bad idea to offer to pay anything. There is absolutely no way for her to know it was your DD, and she's admitted as much. You're now in a bind, having offered, and your update about her being incredibly pernickity and not accepting any kind of repair, leads me to think that this could cost you a small fortune for something that there's every chance that your child didn't do.

You really need to get back in touch with her to say that you've thought about it, and that you really don't think it's possible that your DD did this, and that you really shouldn't be held responsible for the cost, when it might have actually been her niece or nephew.

If there's any fall out from that, then she's not a friend worth having.

grapewines · 09/04/2022 20:00

@Patented

You're being unreasonable for offering to pay anything. Too late now

This. She's a cheeky fucker, but you could have said no.

winterchills · 09/04/2022 20:01

Your friend is an absolute cheeky bitch!!

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