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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend asking to pay for possible damage

103 replies

Nikki905 · 09/04/2022 17:18

My daughter and I travelled in the back of a friend's expensive newish car a few weeks ago for a short journey.

Today, she messaged me today to say she noticed a lot of scratches on the back seat of my car suddenly and did my daughter put her feet up at all?

I told her I didn't see her do this and it's not something she'd typically do. She then said she wants someone to repair it and it was probably her niece or nephew. I said, if no one else sat there since my daughter, it's a possibility and I would help sort it out. She then replied, 'yes please'.

I can't be sure it wasn't my daughter, but for the sake of this friendship, I've offered to help. Of course, if we saw my daughter kick or scuff the seat back, I would pay in full, however it's not clear.

What do you think is reasonable in this situation?

OP posts:
Lunificent · 09/04/2022 18:01

Wow! The nerve of her! You were with your daughter so you know it wasn’t her.
You needn’t have offered to help, but now you have, don’t give anything worth more than £10.

Beelezebub · 09/04/2022 18:04

What I think is reasonable is irrelevant because you’ve cut the legs out from under yourself already by offering to pay

Why are you asking anyone anything in this scenario? You’ve shot yourself in foot before you’ve even started.

strrawberriesandcream · 09/04/2022 18:06

I wouldn't pay, I wouldn't have even offered.

She has no proof it was your kid and had had other kids in the car.

A torn or badly damaged seat that was absolutely 100% my child I would pay for.

A few scratch/scuff marks that could have been anyone, no chance. Her car her expense.

liliainterfrutices · 09/04/2022 18:09

@Merryoldgoat

People blow my mind. It’s a fucking car used to transport people.

It’s not like the seats are slashed or torn.

I have got no time for people who get like this about cars.

I wouldn’t offer any payment.

I so agree with this.
transformandriseup · 09/04/2022 18:09

People blow my mind. It’s a fucking car used to transport people.

Same. Unless I had seen my toddler deliberately causing damage I wouldn't be offering anything and I am not sure I would want to stay friends to be honest.

Amybelle88 · 09/04/2022 18:12

I've got second hand embarrassment for her.

It's a car. I know it's important to look after things but if your daughter has managed to cause damage to her car, you would have noticed her doing it, 100%.

Do not pay her a penny.

Viviennemary · 09/04/2022 18:12

She should have used seat covers. I would keep out of it.

Mellowyellow222 · 09/04/2022 18:13

What in earth sort of material is that fragile? Is it a new car? I would be taking this up with the dealer. Clearly not fit for purpose

KnowingMeKnowingYouAhaaaa · 09/04/2022 18:14

Why on earth did you offer? It'd be different if you saw your daughter rip the seat (although sitting on a seat shouldn't actually damage it) you had a lift weeks ago and didn't notice your daughter damage anything at the time, it's more likely someone else did it and she's a cf chancer.

Veryverycalmnow · 09/04/2022 18:18

Give her an old blanket. Is she normally a CF?

Mariposista · 09/04/2022 18:18

NO WAY. And drop her like a hot brick.

Whoopsies · 09/04/2022 18:18

I had friends round this week, the 5 year old girl ran in from outside and sat knelt up on a dining chair and totally scratched it with her shoe buckles. It's just one of those things about having kids over (or in your car) that up deal with.

needmorethanthis · 09/04/2022 18:22

Do not pay. She has no proof it’s your daughter. Has the niece/nephew been in the car since your daughter? If she messages again say “actually, I’ve been thinking about your message. now I’ve had time to reflect, my daughter travelled a very short journey over a week ago. You must have had other people in the back of your car since us? Yes? I’m not comfortable with all of this and you’ve actually caused a lot of stress and I won’t be paying any money. I sat next to my daughter the whole time and she didn’t put her feet up. I’m thinking you’re taking advantage of my good nature actually and I kindly request that you drop this immediately. Please do not mention this again to me”
That is then her warning. If she messages again you escalate
“I said no. I asked you not to mention it again. This is your final warning. I’m starting to get angry now”

CarTastic · 09/04/2022 18:23

A friend was moderately insistent I borrowed their car a fairly immaculate 12year old family car (they have three kids and a dog) whilst I was briefly, two days, carless.
Very grateful, two quick school runs and picked up a thing, heavily padded, carefully placed in boot. No dog.

Overfilled the tank, to return. Her husband looked for scratches, like a hire situation. Found some on the boot loading bay where their over weight labradoodle scrambled up and blamed me for the load I'd picked up.
He's a fabric expert, I'm involved in cars, he wasn't happy with trying a bit of t-cut and politely and insistently told us to get it resprayed.
The garage just laughed but charged us £130 plus the initial fuel and extra fuel because they'd left it dry for us to collect for respray. £200 altogether.
I wouldn't have minded if the friendship had remained good but it was a massive obvious crack. It stumbled along for six months and now is totally dead.
It will be more than you think.
If you pay up she'll see it as guilt and you are not to be trusted, the friendship will end but you have the satisfaction of knowing your decent but ripped off.

billy1966 · 09/04/2022 18:26

@Merryoldgoat

People blow my mind. It’s a fucking car used to transport people.

It’s not like the seats are slashed or torn.

I have got no time for people who get like this about cars.

I wouldn’t offer any payment.

This.

Is she sniffing something.

I just couldn't have ANYTHING and I really mean ANYTHING to do with someone who would sit down and send a text.

Sitting throwing stones directly at your car...maybe, but this???

A cloth and polish is likely to wipe any scuffing.

She is simply ghastly to do this.

Get new friends.

billy1966 · 09/04/2022 18:28

@needmorethanthis

Do not pay. She has no proof it’s your daughter. Has the niece/nephew been in the car since your daughter? If she messages again say “actually, I’ve been thinking about your message. now I’ve had time to reflect, my daughter travelled a very short journey over a week ago. You must have had other people in the back of your car since us? Yes? I’m not comfortable with all of this and you’ve actually caused a lot of stress and I won’t be paying any money. I sat next to my daughter the whole time and she didn’t put her feet up. I’m thinking you’re taking advantage of my good nature actually and I kindly request that you drop this immediately. Please do not mention this again to me” That is then her warning. If she messages again you escalate “I said no. I asked you not to mention it again. This is your final warning. I’m starting to get angry now”
Good text. Jesus.
Original poster
Nikki905 · 09/04/2022 18:29

Thanks to all of those who replied. My offer of help to sort it out, was as much to find someone who can look at it, as financial.

I haven't seen the damage and my daughter was wearing trainers, so I find it somewhat unlikely she would have been able to scratch badly, however, I want to try and be fair.

She also didn't confirm whether someone else had been in the car or not since, just that she would like my help. I know she rarely carries passengers in the back, but did also day it was probably her niece or nephew, so it's strange.

She said she thinks the dealership can replace the whole plastic part on the back of the seat and she tried to find someone who can look and possibly repair, but couldn't. I have offered to look and see if I can find someone.

She can be precious about things to the point of OCD, so if she says a repair isn't good enough and wants me to pay in full for replacing, I'll tell her, I don't think that is fair.

OP posts:
Somuddled · 09/04/2022 18:32

I think you made an offer so the reasonable thing to do would be to honour it. I would never have made the offer but you did so you can't now think she is being unreasonable to have accepted it.

She was an idiot to think that a car should stay perfect but that is t what you were asking.

LittleRedRidingHood187 · 09/04/2022 18:36

It's a used car, the scratches were probably already there

icelollycraving · 09/04/2022 18:40

I think you’ve kind of set yourself up for a fallout tbh. If she had noticed the day after the lift, I probably would have offered something to be fair. As it’s a few weeks, not so much.

TempName01 · 09/04/2022 18:42

Say you’ve checked you daughter shoes and there aren’t any sharp bits that could have caused a scratch

Ponderingwindow · 09/04/2022 18:51

They make covers that go on the back of car seats to protect them from just this kind of damage. The covers are cheap and your friend really should invest in a couple.

If you didn’t see your child kicking the seat, I would not have offered anything.

Bettehead · 09/04/2022 18:56

@Merryoldgoat

People blow my mind. It’s a fucking car used to transport people.

It’s not like the seats are slashed or torn.

I have got no time for people who get like this about cars.

I wouldn’t offer any payment.

I know right I live in a world where a few scuffs on the inside and dings on the outside of the car are just normal We also feel bloody lucky to have a car that mostly works fine.But rising cost of everything makes running said car look like an unsustainable long term option
Patented · 09/04/2022 18:58

You're being unreasonable for offering to pay anything. Too late now

LetHimHaveIt · 09/04/2022 18:58

billy1966

needmorethanthis
Do not pay. She has no proof it’s your daughter. Has the niece/nephew been in the car since your daughter? If she messages again say “actually, I’ve been thinking about your message. now I’ve had time to reflect, my daughter travelled a very short journey over a week ago. You must have had other people in the back of your car since us? Yes? I’m not comfortable with all of this and you’ve actually caused a lot of stress and I won’t be paying any money. I sat next to my daughter the whole time and she didn’t put her feet up. I’m thinking you’re taking advantage of my good nature actually and I kindly request that you drop this immediately. Please do not mention this again to me”
That is then her warning. If she messages again you escalate
“I said no. I asked you not to mention it again. This is your final warning. I’m starting to get angry now”

Good text.
Jesus

😂

Agree, actually.