Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend asking to pay for possible damage

103 replies

Nikki905 · 09/04/2022 17:18

My daughter and I travelled in the back of a friend's expensive newish car a few weeks ago for a short journey.

Today, she messaged me today to say she noticed a lot of scratches on the back seat of my car suddenly and did my daughter put her feet up at all?

I told her I didn't see her do this and it's not something she'd typically do. She then said she wants someone to repair it and it was probably her niece or nephew. I said, if no one else sat there since my daughter, it's a possibility and I would help sort it out. She then replied, 'yes please'.

I can't be sure it wasn't my daughter, but for the sake of this friendship, I've offered to help. Of course, if we saw my daughter kick or scuff the seat back, I would pay in full, however it's not clear.

What do you think is reasonable in this situation?

OP posts:
Unsureaboutit9 · 09/04/2022 20:10

Unless you are totally ignorant (and I’m sure you arnt!) I’m sure you would have noticed if your daughter was kicking the seat hard enough to scuff it while you were sat next to her in a new expensive car, trust your initial judgement of it wasn’t her, don’t feel good obliged to pay OP!

If the friend has had other kids in the back since she won’t have been able to see what they were doing so it was most likely them. She sounds crazy, I didn’t even realise replacing parts of seats due to marks was a thing.

TotallyTS · 09/04/2022 20:13

I agree that she is being cheeky and quite rude as there's no evidence that your daughter damaged her car.

But, I've had at least 3 occasions where friends (or their children) have damaged mine and it really pissed me off because none of them offered to clean or fix it even when it was clear what had happened.

I've had paintwork damaged by a friend bashing and scratching it.
I've had a glove box broken and sweets smeared and stuck all over a seat that never totally came off.

I don't have young children so I have an expensive car that I love. I wouldn't have done this with young children as I know they're messy and clumsy.

So if someone else gets a lift then I do expect them to take a bit of care.

Even if I chose not to repair damage, it would lose me money when I go to trade it in/hand it back.

I wouldn't ask them to pay because I don't like causing bad feeling but actually, I'm left feeling annoyed so there is already bad feeling for me.

Unsureaboutit9 · 09/04/2022 20:15

@TotallyTS

I agree that she is being cheeky and quite rude as there's no evidence that your daughter damaged her car.

But, I've had at least 3 occasions where friends (or their children) have damaged mine and it really pissed me off because none of them offered to clean or fix it even when it was clear what had happened.

I've had paintwork damaged by a friend bashing and scratching it.
I've had a glove box broken and sweets smeared and stuck all over a seat that never totally came off.

I don't have young children so I have an expensive car that I love. I wouldn't have done this with young children as I know they're messy and clumsy.

So if someone else gets a lift then I do expect them to take a bit of care.

Even if I chose not to repair damage, it would lose me money when I go to trade it in/hand it back.

I wouldn't ask them to pay because I don't like causing bad feeling but actually, I'm left feeling annoyed so there is already bad feeling for me.

I feel for you, I’m sure you are lovely offering lifts, but you need to use your worlds! ‘No eating in my car’ ‘stop kicking the seats please’ why wouldn’t you say something to someone who scratched your car or broke the glove box? It’d have to be deliberate breaking the glove box so I’d ask for money to help repair that.
HardRockOwl · 09/04/2022 20:19

Why on earth did you intervene when she mused it could have been her family's children with a ' oh I doubt it, could be mine?!'

The mind boggles. You're your own worst enemy here

Patchbatch · 09/04/2022 20:25

@Furbaby2842

I think YABU purely based on the fact she said it may have been her niece or nephew and you followed up implying that it may have been your daughter if no one else had sat there & then offered to pay. What's the likelihood she would have asked you for money had you not offered to pay for it first?
Why would she mention it otherwise though? There's literally no reason to think anyone would be remotely bothered about scratches in a car.
LidlMiddleLover · 09/04/2022 20:39

No chance And not a very good friend to take this further

TotallyTS · 09/04/2022 20:40

@Unsureaboutit9 you're absolutely right and I do now say something. I've learned my lesson.

The thing is, you've seen the attitude of people on this thread calling people precious and petty.

Sunnytwobridges · 09/04/2022 20:44

Wow I’m not sure if she’s a friend. Like someone said it’s a car and it’s doubtful your dd caused the damage

I watch a friend’s daughter on occasion and she has spilled drinks/food on my light colored carpet and I’ve not said a word about it. I just found some cleaning solution and for the most part I’ve gotten it all up. I could’ve asked for her to pay for professional carpet cleaning but I feel like it’s not worth it.

DrManhattan · 09/04/2022 20:46

Mug

CarTastic · 09/04/2022 20:58

Looking back at our pay up incident. We were totally blindsided by the polite demand. Didn't expect the conversation to veer in that direction.
In the long term it helped fuel their ocd. Him demanding, her agreeing for a quiet life.
Their kids are obviously affected - one is off the scale anxious, another has no confidence and the third has swung the opposite way but is regarded as the cute baby of the house and it's just 'highjinks' rather than deliberately attention seeking.

Hoosemover · 09/04/2022 21:19

It could have anything… I had an old car in the garage for a body repair. The car came back with the stero system glass scratched to hell.

Changeee1546789 · 09/04/2022 21:44

People in the U.K. and their fancy precious cars blow my absolute mind. It’s wear and tear FGS 🙄

Timeforausernamechange22 · 09/04/2022 21:48

@Merryoldgoat

People blow my mind. It’s a fucking car used to transport people.

It’s not like the seats are slashed or torn.

I have got no time for people who get like this about cars.

I wouldn’t offer any payment.

This 👆 x100

I remember when dh bought a new car, he actually asked us all to remove out shoes before we got in it the first time. Like wtf?! It’s a fucking car!!! You going to drive in just your socks? Thought not 🤦‍♀️

saraclara · 09/04/2022 21:53

@Changeee1546789

People in the U.K. and their fancy precious cars blow my absolute mind. It’s wear and tear FGS 🙄
'People in the UK'? Just how many people in the UK do you think have 'fancy' cars? And what proportion of them are precious about them, do you think?

My ten year old car has got bags of compost with splits in them in the boot right now. Not to mention the detritus that my 2 year old DGD has left behind on the back seat, and the mud from my boots. Having said that, it's less messy and younger than either of my adult DD's cars (and those of their partners).

RealBecca · 09/04/2022 21:56

She said she thinks the dealership can replace the whole plastic part on the back of the seat and she tried to find someone who can look and possibly repair, but couldn't.

^^ shes going to tell you she only trusts the dealership. I think it's going to cost you a lot more than you think.

The problem now is you've accepted you should pay so it's going to get awkward because she will want it set back to new which will cost loads more than fixing to a reasonable standard.

TenoringBehind · 09/04/2022 22:07

She’s no friend….

saraclara · 09/04/2022 22:19

@RealBecca

She said she thinks the dealership can replace the whole plastic part on the back of the seat and she tried to find someone who can look and possibly repair, but couldn't.

^^ shes going to tell you she only trusts the dealership. I think it's going to cost you a lot more than you think.

The problem now is you've accepted you should pay so it's going to get awkward because she will want it set back to new which will cost loads more than fixing to a reasonable standard.

Yep. All for something that she won't even see. Because it's not like she's ever going to sit in the back of her own car.

She really isn't a friend, sorry.

Crocadoodledoo · 09/04/2022 22:30

Just tell her you’ve had chance to think about it and you won’t be paying as she’s being unreasonable and grabby. Sod her. She’s a crap friend so it’s no loss.

Whatsmyname100 · 09/04/2022 23:10

Yabvu to have offered. Why on earth would you do that??

Flickflak · 09/04/2022 23:30

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Nennypops · 10/04/2022 00:04

Tell her you've realised that your daughter was wearing trainers which were incapable of scratching anything so it's clearly not down to her.

Changeee1546789 · 10/04/2022 01:38

@saraclara so?

Howmanydaysuntilfriday · 10/04/2022 01:42

Are you being taken for a ride here ? Excuse the pun

daisychain01 · 10/04/2022 03:53

It's a bit late asking for advice now! You've already as good as accepted liability even without seeing the damage.

All that will happen is you'll now get sucked into having to finance this so called friend's leather seat repairs even though your DD was wearing trainers that day, so wouldn't have scratched her precious leather seat.

How you think it will preserve the friendship is anyone's guess. She's trying it on to the first gullible taker and you've fallen for it. You must have very deep pockets!

PikachuAndMe · 10/04/2022 12:11

She's a CF and you're a mug.

You should buy her a whole new car.

Swipe left for the next trending thread